Ask Parvati 12 - Psyched About Being Psychic?

PSYCHED ABOUT BEING PSYCHIC

I am often asked how to develop more intuition. Recently I received two questions on that topic. It seems as we embrace spring and clear out the old, making way for the new, people are looking to see more clearly as they make wiser, more inspired decisions. This week, we take a look at learning to navigate in the unseen. Thank you for your questions!

Dear Parvati,

How can I become more intuitive? I sense things sometimes about myself and about others and sometimes the hits turn out to be right. But other times I'm way off base or it's just totally blank. I wish I could see more. Can I do meditations to open my third eye or something to become more psychic?

Dear Parvati,

How do you know when 'angels' or other 'messages' are coming to you, as opposed to your own thoughts creating them? I find this dilemma to be a bit of a battle for me, which then interferes with 'faith'. How does one know if they are receiving guidance from an external source rather than creating it themselves? How do you differentiate? Or can you?

WE EXIST WITHIN THE WHOLE

We exist within a vast, multidimensional whole. I have said that in many other blog posts. What does it really mean? We can think of our interconnection with 'all that is' in a tangible way. Think of this: the air you are breathing right now is air I too am breathing right now. It is also the same air that someone in Africa, China and Chile is breathing right now. That air also flows right now in and out of plants, animals, humans, and all things living. Wow!

All that exists on Earth is affected by gravity. There is a force that keeps us here, literally. We know we are affected by the cycles of the sun. Light dims, we get sleepy. Not enough light through the day, we can get depressed. As the moon shifts, the ocean tides change, and so do the tides in our body, being, personality and perceptions.

The force that creates form, the material world as we see it, is not visible to our eyes. But we can see its effect. We can see how in spring, the flowers grow and new life is born to animals and plants. There is a force at work. We can see its effects, but we cannot see it. Or can we?

THE UNSEEN

Seers for millennia have been able to see that which is not visible to most. The vital energy of plants can be seen as rays of colour, sparkling auric fields, dancing life. People's thoughts and emotions project colour, texture and shape. Those who are particularly open and sensitive, such as children, are more likely to see an angel. Some people can see and communicate with the deceased or wandering spirits that have lost their way. What are they doing to access the unseen?

There is a whole heck of a lot going on in each moment, more than we commonly realize. Our brains are designed for survival to edit information so we can get the tasks at hand complete. But as we evolve spiritually, our minds become quieter and our thoughts slow down. The space between thoughts increases so that we are more receptive to possibility, the field of pure consciousness. Our minds become clearer windows into what is, less cluttered by a desire to control this moment. In this quiet, we can see, hear, feel, taste and smell more... not with our physical senses, but with latent senses designed specifically to connect with the unseen.

DEVELOPING A SIXTH SENSE

As we lessen our attachment and identification with our mundane, physical five senses, we awaken our senses that touch the unseen. The area between the eyebrows at the center of the forehead becomes internally quiet and expands so that we may see, not with our physical eyes, but with an inner, intuitive eye, that which is not physically present. The experience of seeing in this subtler way is not like seeing with our eyes. It can be like seeing multidimensional passageways of light, a high speed film, brilliant flashes of crystal clear insight into alternate possibilities, or visions of beings and realms beyond than which are limited by gravity... to name a few.

The same is true for the inner ear, a gift that allows us to hear that which is not audible; or subtle smell, to become aware of perfumes that are undetected by the nose; or subtle touch, to feel the non-physical. For example, in my early days doing energy work, part of my guidance came through smell. When energies that were present but not physically visible were benevolent, often a floral smell spontaneously appeared in the room. When malefic energies were present, usually a sulfuric or putrid smell would appear. Or I could hear voices that would either be guiding me or distracting me. Just like I said in a recent blog, discernment is key on the spiritual path. I had to learn what was created by my own personality, what was emerging from beyond me, what was guidance and what was distraction.

STAYING GROUNDED AND HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

A Vedic Astrologer once looked at my chart and exclaimed, "You have a very strong relationship with the unseen!" It is true. Ever since I can remember, I was one who was in touch with realms that others could not sense existed. One scene from my childhood was me excitedly calling my mom, saying, "Who is that lady in the blue dress in the living room?" To Mom, the living room was empty. The visiting woman looked different to me than people in the house, not only because she had very odd fashion sense (her Victorian dress was long since passé) but because she did not seem as thick, dense or solid.

My sensitivity, as predicted by the astrologer, continues to be an important and strong part of my life. It is a skill I was born with, yes, like those who have greater facility with math than others. But it is a potential we all have and one that can be developed with patience, non-attachment and humility. My work in the unseen has been an ongoing relationship, refined through trial and error and meeting teachers who could inspire my path.

One very important piece in my journey has been that I do not go looking for things in the unseen. Just as it is bad manners (and bad karma!) to read another's mail, so too it is not good psychic etiquette to try to read another's mind or see if you can see what colour underwear they are wearing. Boundaries are super important in our mundane world in order to have healthy relationships. It is even more important in the unseen. Just as you take on karma for peeking at someone's private diary, so too, it is a bad idea to go looking for psychic info without full consent.

When we learn to work with the unseen, we must learn to remain grounded, rather than jettisoning out of our body and out into other aspects of the universe. I firmly believe that we have all that we need right here, right now, in order to evolve. We don't need intuitive skills. In fact, they can greatly amplify one's ego, quicker than almost anything else on the spiritual path. So if you are desiring to be more intuitive, I would ask myself where that impulse comes from.

NO ATTACHMENTS, NO AGENDA

The ego is a tricky thing and ultimately we are on the planet to release our attachment to it. Many people who have asked me over the years about wanting to become more psychic I have felt were asking from ego, trying somehow to gain more control over their lives, more power over the moment rather than learning to open to what is. I deeply feel that psychic skills, if they are meant to be part of your life, will arise naturally, usually through a dedicated spiritual practice that is rooted in humility and non-attachment. When we express "wanting", there is ego. When there is ego, there is no clarity but a desire to distort what is to suit one's sense of need. When there is wanting and control, there is attachment and clouded perception.

True psychic skills happen completely without agenda. Firstly, when I have agreed to offer my intuitive skills for others’ insight, it is when I have been asked to do so. Secondly, I must be in a place of complete non-resistance to what is... non-attached to what I may see or to results I may want. As such, it takes greatest mastery to practice divination for oneself, close friends, family members, or for situations where we may have a vested interest. It is possible, but only after years of practice and discernment, for one to see beyond desire. A true psychic is an impartial witness to what is with no agenda, a simple, humble servant to the Divine. This is very important.

In the realm of the unseen, there is much trickiness. There are drifting spirits, like your dead uncle who sees himself now as an enlightened being just waiting for someone to open themselves up to share his "insights". Though that information would come from the non-physical, it would not necessarily be clear or accurate. There are also dark, ignorant and deluded energies, which one would want to avoid, that convolute, distort and feed on others’ ignorance... in this case, yours. There are also energies that only love and serve. One's impartiality is the only means to navigate a world of such potential stickiness.

Psychic and paranormal skills called (in Sanskrit) Siddhis, do naturally develop along the spiritual path. But they are not the goal and must not be confused as such. For some, they are just a passing phase along the road to return to the One. Is not our spiritual goal to embody bliss and pure divine love, and not to read tea leaves? Just like all things that have form (and the unseen has form, just of a subtler construct) these intuitive skills will come and go, dissolve and pass as we evolve. We must not be attached to them.

DIVINE GUIDANCE

So how do you know it is not just you making it all up? Just as you must learn to act without attachments if you are to interact safely with the unseen, benevolent beings that are worthy of interaction also have no "wanting", attachment energy or controlling agenda. I have heard of channels who encounter entities with a very strong directive that eventually take control over their lives. This is unhealthy. Benevolent beings like angels do not push, pull or control a meeting. One's ability to remain grounded, unattached and neutral is essential to safely contact the unseen. When grace happens, is it just there, without any stickiness, constriction or fear.

In some ways, it does not really matter if what you are hearing or sensing is coming from an angelic force or from you, as long as you are serving the highest good in all and are continuing to practice the release of the ego's grip as expressed through your attachments. I can say that what comes from within one's body is usually the voice of the soul. What rattles in one's head is usually the mind creating a narrative. What is expressed outside and around your body are entities, whether clear ones or not.

For years I said that my body is my guru. It never lies. By learning to understand different physical signs, my body constantly keeps me in alignment with my soul and spirit. I feel sitting meditation is key to awakening one's intuitive skills, if not just for the simple reason that sincere meditation is a process of dissolving the ego and purifying the body. When I sense the unseen, I am grounded and relaxed. Being rooted in one's self, feeling vital and expansive are all important starting points.

Once I feel centered, I see/hear things in terms of quadrants in my energy field. I know from experience that hearing voices or seeing images through different places in and around my body, will be either tricky or benevolent energies. So you can ask yourself, is the voice or sense in the front of your head? Within your heart? In your gut? Outside your body? To your upper left? Upper right? Where and how is information being communicated? For me, things I feel/see I can relate to in terms of quadrants as to where I am feeling/seeing them. Over the years, I have a developed a multidimensional map-like system in the unseen with specific benchmarks and signposts. My way of communicating within the unseen landscape is constantly evolving as I evolve.

SUMMARY

Everyone will have their own way to sense/feel/see the unseen. It takes practice and humility to discover your own way. There are however some universal points that are worth mentioning here:

1. MEDITATION: Develop a meditation practice where you sit for five, ten, twenty minutes, however long you feel you can while maintaining an uninterrupted focus on your breath or your mantra. If you want to start meditating but are not sure how, I wrote a blog recently on that. Please take a look.
2. INTEGRITY: Ask yourself why you want to become more psychic. Make sure you are not in some way trying to skirt around perhaps some uncomfortable feelings or trying to feel more powerful in some way.
3. BOUNDARIES: Never try to read someone's mind or eavesdrop on conversations. Respect boundaries.
4. NON-ATTACHMENT: Never have an agenda about what you want to see, hear or feel. Remember that you are not the doer. You are in humble service to the Divine.
5. STAY GROUNDED: Your body/being/emotions must feel neutral at all times. Otherwise in some way your own personality and ego are getting involved and trying to control information.
6. RECEPTIVITY: Do not leave your body to see if you can meet other beings, or see/feel/hear more. Allow any information come to you, not you going to it.
7. ALL IS PERFECT: You have everything you need to know right here, right now. Feel quiet and content with what is rather than wanting more. Keep focusing on that which feels rooted, vital and expansive. The rest will take care of itself.

EXERCISE

The only exercise I will suggest is this. Go to the park. Sit quietly near some flowers. Watch them and see if you can let go of creating a story about them such as, "Oh, I love this type of flower. My boyfriend gave me them last Valentines..." Just watch the flowers. See how they are in space, how the wind touches them, how they root to the Earth... just watch, no narrative.

After some time, rather than moving your energy deeper into the flowers (as though you want to read it... Remember? Boundaries!), pull your energy and mind back a bit, as though you were receiving the flowers' energy. Open to the flowers. Politely ask if they have anything to say. Remain quiet, receptive and unattached. Actively listen with your heart.

You may feel nothing. You may just feel warmth, or kindness. Or you may hear words like your own voice saying this is stupid or you are hungry. Or perhaps there is something else... Whatever it is, it does not matter. Should you feel you have received a message, watch the tendency for the ego to potentially constrict around it and own it. The information was already there before you became conscious of it. It is not yours. Again, whatever it is, it does not matter. Remember, you are not attached, but a compassionate witness to what is.

After some time, thank the flowers and move along. 

Enjoy the flowers,

Parvati

Ask Parvati 11: Be A Mother To Yourself

Be A Mother To Yourself

Mother's Day, May 08, 2011

Dear Parvati,

Every year when Mother’s Day comes around, I feel conflicted. My own mother died ten years ago. She was emotionally distant and judgmental and no matter what I did, it never seemed to be enough for her to really love and accept me unconditionally. In addition, I have not yet become a mother myself. I feel sad about this, but I am also afraid that if I do have children, I might repeat the pattern of my childhood and pass on my wounds to them. How can I find a place of love and acceptance, and move on with my life?

WOUNDS: WE ALL HAVE THEM

Wounds. We all have them, whether we hurt because we lose the love we thought we had or we are hurt black and blue from a bad physical accident. When we were children, we instinctively called for our mother to help us up after we took a spill, or to soothe our aching hearts. Our mother was to come and wrap us up with that perfect embrace, whisper the perfect words that were to help us find our way back to wholeness. Or so we hoped.

Whether or not you feel you had the perfect childhood or one with more complexity, as we mature, we eventually come to realize that we must learn to love and nurture ourselves, the way our mothers would or could have done, so that we may experience total health and well being. Whether or not we learned the ability to love, care and soothe from our mother or from a mother-like figure in our lives, at some point we must awaken the universal mother within our own hearts. She will carry us through our entire life, long after our biological mother is gone.

TOUCH THE WOUND

No matter what age you may be or how much or how little inner work you may have done, a wounded inner child may remain untouched, hidden away, asking for love in some way. Despite our parents’ best effort, a common thread among many seems to be that some part of us, at some level, no matter how big or how small, visible or not, did not receive the love we needed as a child. That part of our psyche becomes frozen in time, "wanting mummy" or "wanting daddy" in some way, seeking the love it needed and still needs, until we thaw our inner walls and become still enough to listen to its call.

When the wounded child is in the driver’s seat of our lives, consciously or unconsciously we push that which is good for us away because we have lost the willingness to receive, believing fundamentally that the love we need does not exist. We create situations in our lives that prove our feelings of wounding. We may sabotage a great relationship, or sell out in our job or demean ourselves to make an opportunity happen because we deep down feel that love is not possible for us.

But there are no accidents. All that is happening is a reflection of our thoughts, beliefs and soul patterning from our previous births. Our wounds are not our parents’ responsibility any more than they are our boss's, our lover's or our environment's. We come to this life with a soul need to learn. We attract and create situations in our life that will best provide us the lessons, based on our perceptive abilities and beliefs.

All that is, at one level, no matter how ugly, painful and cruel, is within a field of balance and perfection that provides us with exactly what we need to evolve. Are we willing to truly see, open and learn? All healing happens when we are open, ready and willing to see ourselves as we are, and meet this moment as it is. Until that time, we continue to suffer.

LETTING GO OF THE VICTIM

When our wounded child is left untouched, uncared for by our own compassionate attention, we experience suffering. Because we have closed ourselves off to the possibility of the love we need, we tend to live in a defensive state. We can become overly attached to painful emotions as a means to feel angry at the world, sit by watching life go by, feeling hard done by. Feeling a victim to life is a common trap for those who feel they have not received the love they need and at some level have given up on the possibility that they will find what they need.

As with any wound, nature kicks in to protect that which is vulnerable until it is healed. When the wound is healed, the protective guarding comes off, new skin is revealed and growth continues. The process of letting go of our defensiveness, reactivity and victimization (which can run the full range of emotions from hopelessness to rage to grief) can be scary. Just as we need to show up at the doctor to remove a cast on a broken leg, we need to show up for ourselves to let our guard down. But first, we need to admit that we have a guard up at all, and that can be the toughest part for many when habits are deep, even addictive. There is subtle power we can feed on when we feel like a victim, which can be hard to release.

Used to making our way through life on a fraction of our true potential, we can be like invalids hobbling about on a broken leg, trying to convince ourselves that we are ok. We feed the wounds with temporary pacifiers like money, sex, drugs, entertainment and foods in an attempt to fill a void we don't want to see. Sometimes it takes our broken leg turning gangrenous for us to bring ourselves to understand that we are in need of healing. Finally, the wounded child has our full attention.

In order to heal, we must look within to get to know aspects of ourselves we have left behind. The wounded child gets locked away in the recesses of our being until we open that door. Perhaps a pressing force such as an accident or heartbreak brings us face to face with that door, but only a deeply gentle touch can turn the door handle for us to feel safe enough to walk in.

The depths of the wounds can seem immense, even infinite, as though the emotions we fear we may encounter would never cease. But if there is a constant in life, it is that life is ever changing. Nothing lasts forever, including those scary places within. All things pass. In that, we can take comfort as we move with care and gentleness towards our tender bits. These wounds likely came about from feeling judged, blamed, hurt and unloved in some way. So pushing at these places will only increase the wound.

THE UNIVERSAL MOTHER

It is only when we learn to let go, open and meet life as it is do we begin to learn to accept ourselves as we are - beautiful bits, warts and all. When we learn to rest in self-love, we reach the tender place within our own heart that cradles the wounded child within. When we touch that - oh so raw – place, we begin to touch a well of infinite love, more than we ever imagined. When we begin to rest in self-love, we begin to open to life -- and the very fabric of life is unconditional love. We tap into the perfect, unconditional motherly love that the planet gives us in each moment. She, as a living being, loves and sustains us. And she is loved unconditionally herself and exists within a larger mother, the creative force of the universe of which we all are a part. As we tap into self-love, we open to the love from the planet and the universe that is reflected in all beings.

Healing occurs when we align with the powerful yet profoundly compassionate force of nature, our deeper mother. And that mother exists in our heart and soul, whether you are a man or woman. It takes that unconditionally loving presence directed towards ourselves for us to ultimately feel the love, healing and freedom we need. Think of the wounded place within as a frightened doe in a wild forest. Would it not take sincere gentleness, true relaxation and deep love to approach this skittish animal? The wounded child within is as fragile and powerful as that doe.

As you move towards wholeness, I ask that you do so with tremendous gentleness, the kind of care, attention and affection that a mother would have for her infant. We are all children in the arms of the divine. If we can remember more often to give ourselves that self-kindness, that self-compassion, that self-love, our world would be a sweeter place and our lives will unfold with greater ease and less resistance.

We all fall. We all have wounds. Be the mother to yourself that gently picks you up, washes off the scraps on your knees, shares encouraging words and sends you on your way. She is always with you. She will never let you down. Invite her into your life today and give thanks for the abundance of love that is within and all around. We are, after all, so very blessed to be alive. That in itself is an expression of the universal mother’s love for you.

EXERCISES

1) Find a quiet place and give yourself permission to feel. Just as a loving mother would, ideally, fully accept all your joys and wounds without reserve, meet whatever arises in you, to the best of your ability, without judgment. Think of yourself welcoming your whole self with open arms. Take time to do this every day and notice how much more energy, freedom and joy naturally arises. Ask yourself the question, sincerely with an open heart directed towards yourself: "How do you feel? How come? What can I do to better love and support you?" Listen and receive the information with warmth and gratitude. Breathe it in. Yes.

2) Take a box of wax crayons and some paper (newsprint is fine) and find a quiet, uninterrupted place. Let yourself scribble, doodle, do whatever you want without judging. Have fun letting your inner child play. If you choose, and only if you choose, you may wish to put away the doodles to look at another day. If you do decide to look at the drawings, do so not from a vantage point of artistic merit, but with the non-judging perspective of a loving mother whose only job is to see things exactly as they are. Just notice what is there, the colours, the shapes, the mood, the expression. How do the images make you feel? What is being communicated in them? Quietly see if any thoughts, emotions or images come to mind. Breathe in and welcome any information that arises.

3) Get a blank piece of paper and pencil and find a quiet place to go within. Pick up the pencil in your non-dominant hand, that is, the one you do not usually use to write. Then ask your inner child if it has anything to say. Start to write without editing, even if the text is scribbly and hard to read. Allow that child to have a voice. See what comes up, without judging. Be willing to see it, as it is. Breathe deeply and embrace whatever arises, as a loving mother would. Welcome the voice of your inner child into your heart.

4) Find a quiet and relaxed place, either sitting on a chair or comfortably lying down. Inhale, breathe in so that you feel you receive all the love that already exists right now, everywhere. Feel yourself receiving love into your lungs, into your heart, into your body, into your being. Exhale, and let go into that love, feeling that you are letting go into a very present, physical embrace. So inhale love, nourishment, support. Exhale, and relax into the love.

Wishing you much love,

Parvati

Ask Parvati 10: The Power of Letting Go

THE POWER OF LETTING GO

May 1, 2011

Dear Parvati,

I am a bit type A, tending to take charge of situations. I feel good about how much I can get done even under pressure, but I find that afterwards I feel exhausted, headachey, stressed and grumpy. People suggest to me that I need to learn to let go, but I have a hard time relating to that. I think that if I let go, everything would fall apart and I wouldn’t know where to start again. Yet, for some reason, I keep hearing their words in my mind, to let go. How can I begin to let go of some of the stress and not freak out about not being in control?

LEARNING TO LET GO

Thank you for your question. It is spring and the force of nature is churning. As the trees sprout leaves and flowers burst into life, we can feel an impulse to get active in an attempt to shed physical and psychological winter weight from our lives. Whether you are a type A personality or not, we can overdo these times of seasonal transition and end up with colds, allergies and other physical symptoms, ways our bodies let us know that we had best slow down and learn to let go.

Because the mind tends to only know two ways of thinking, to move towards something we like or to move away something we don't, we try to push away things we no longer want. Trying to push or pull at life is like trying to move mountains. Sooner or later we end up exhausted and come to realize that there is a force in life that is much greater than our limited ego or will. Whether we end up flat on our backs with a broken heart, a massive cold, a lost job or just plain wrung out from too much effortful living, the wise words "let go" or "surrender" start to come to mind.

OPENING TO POSSIBILITIES

For most of us, the notion of surrendering can be quite bewildering, conjuring images of "throwing in the towel", giving in or even becoming roadkill to someone else's overpowering will. From the point of view of the ego, surrendering may seem like we are giving up and somehow taking a loss. But when we look deeper, we see that nothing could be further from the truth.

The ancient text called the Hatha Yoga Pradipika speaks of sukha-sthira, finding a balanced yogic state that is neither just relaxed nor just alert, but a union of the two. Artists, dancers, athletes and business people have expressed finding that balanced flow when they experience peak performances. In that flow, the individual has tapped into a much greater whole. There is no defensive holding on to the ego. One has surrendered to ride within a force that is much greater than the limited sense of self.

When we are stressed, our field of perception narrows. This is a remnant of our past need to run for our lives when chased by a lion in the jungle. This focus serves our need to survive. But when habitually used as a day-to-day stress response, the narrow sight means we often tend to miss a lot. By allowing ourselves to let go of the fear of the proverbial jungle lion (be it our boss, our partner, our parents or whatever we fear), our field of vision expands and we see more fully. In so doing, we tap into a greater field of possibility and flow within a greater whole. In this way, we have access to more options, more choice, more power. As we learn to let go, we may find that the phone call we had anxiously been waiting for suddenly happens or cash for an outstanding bill arrives at our door. We may see the broken step on the stairs and avoid a painful tumble. As we let go, we get out of our own way and learn to receive the support that inherently exists within nature. 

NATURAL SUPPORT

Let us look at nature. The chrysalis that transforms into a butterfly, does it doubt, angst and stress over the process it undergoes? Or is the cocooned creature in a surrendered state held perfectly within an intelligent whole? Really think about it. When the flower springs from the soil, is it thinking "gotta get it right" or "gotta work harder"? Or is it simply being, expressing a flow within the whole?

The same for the budding leaves on the tree branches, the thawing ice, the animals awakening. Can you imagine the hibernating bear coming out in a rush from its cave with the thought, "Man! I gotta hurry. I am going to be late again"? Yet how many of us wake up everyday, supposedly refreshed, already feeling stressed and having somehow failed? That is the baggage we carry. That is the story we place over our lives. That is not our fullest, most natural self, but what we have become habituated to be, usually as an expression of the ego to feel greater than or less than another as a distorted cry for love we perceive is not there. We tend to hold on to stress, fearing the jungle lion even when the lion exists only in our imagination. This fear exists because deep down we don't feel love or loved.

But is there no love? Do we need to rely on that story of rush, push and pull to make us feel better? Ultimately, does not our push/pull make us suffer? Remember the chrysalis perfectly cocooned. Would nature take such perfect care of that caterpillar and abandon us? Or have we somehow, somewhere along our life path let go of our connection to nature instead? We believe our own distorted perceptions and go running because a coiled rope looks like a cobra to our dulled eyes. Nature is not doing that "to" us. We do that to ourselves. We place the disconnected story on each perfect moment. Ah! Beautiful butterfly that it does not have the busy mind we do, that surrenders to its magnificent transformation and flies free!

For nature, life just is. Resting into this "isness" is surrender. Surrender is gentle, quiet, powerful, active, alive, vital...because it relies on a state of feeling connected, interconnected, a part of it all. We are constantly held within the whole, cradled in a perfect life-force cocoon, completely loved, fully supported and totally cared for. Our minds may be attached to distortions that tell us otherwise, but that does not change the fact that the loving support is here, if we are willing to let go and receive.

FLOW WITHIN THE WHOLE

Part of our human journey is the return to that One state, that flow, that sense of being rooted, vital and expansive within an intelligent whole. We tend to see ourselves as separate, either by expressing wanting through “craving this” or “repulsed by that”, or by altogether feeling fundamentally disconnected and alienated from all that is. It seems these extremes are deeply buried in our psyche, part of the human condition. As we move through life, we learn to meet the moment as an opportunity to purify our perceptions and eventually transcend the trickiness of our ego so that we may rest in the fullness of who we are. And who are we anyway, if not ultimately one with all that is, a playful expression of the Divine?

Next time you feel the impulse to rush to your next meeting, or feel that feisty urge that wants to make you right and others wrong, or you want to push through to the next to-do item on your agenda without really meeting the task at hand, remember that tiny cocoon and know that you are one and the same. In every moment, you are cradled by an immense love that fully supports you through whatever life process you are experiencing. That love is always available, 24/7, unconditionally. It is our human birthright.

If we could be a bit more like the trees, rivers, butterflies and flowers, we might find ourselves a lot healthier, happier and wise. And what better time to feel inspired to surrender to and be part of such immensity than during the bursting power of life now upon us this spring. Do yourself a favor and go say hello to the budding trees. Notice how they do not struggle to be, but are in a rapturous state of deep surrender. Rooted in the rich Earth, trunks strong, growing up to meet the sky, the tree's leaves dance in the flowing wind. Watch carefully. That tree is flowing within the whole, just as you. Through nature we can see our true nature and learn the power of letting go.

     

Ask Parvati 9: The Yoga of Easter

Ask Parvati 9

The Yoga of Easter

Dear Parvati,

As a practicing yogini who is versed in Eastern and Western traditions, what is your take on Easter?

Thank you for your question. It feels very resonant for me that this year’s Easter weekend takes place over the same weekend as Earth Day. (May Earth Day be every day!) It is also special for me that Easter is always so close to Passover, the Last Supper being a Seder meal. Though your question is about Easter, my answer does not focus on a specific religion, because I feel that the essence of Easter is not contained within a religion, but is at the heart of many mystical traditions.

The name “Easter” is derived from Eastre, the Teutonic goddess of spring and fertility. Originally, Eastre was a celebration of the rebirth of nature that happens every spring. Rabbits and eggs are symbols of fertility that have made their way from pagan times into popular culture.

For Christians, Easter is a high holiday that celebrates the risen Christ. What I have come, through my practice, to understand about the meaning of the risen Christ is that we are not limited to physical form, the illusion of the solidity of matter, but exist within the realm of the infinite.

The notion of being infinite beings can seem abstract and is a far stretch from the seductive sugar we are offered in chocolate bunnies and creme eggs. As one who practices meditation, I feel a kinship with the idea that we are infinite beings having a finite experience. There is a space between each breath that touches the divine, giving pause to the push-pull cycle of the mind’s tendency to divide and categorize.

Though my practice, I have felt that one aspect of the Easter message is that Christ was showing us how the death of the ego leads to the birth of the eternal self. The experience of the infinite, our timeless self, is available to us in each moment, and we access the moment when we let go of the human habit to overlay a story upon that which is. When we are willing to pause, expansion begins. In that expansion, there is no control, but a joyful, undivided sense of service to what is. In that space, consciousness arises. And that gives birth to the eternal Self.

When we learn to bring our attention into the moment, we begin to experience Easter, a fluid, expansive, non-attached rhythm of life-death-rebirth that embodies the eternal. I offer here some passing words that arose through my meditation this Easter Sunday.

Wishing you eternal joy.

Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu.

Parvati

Easter Breathing

Pause.

            (Breathe)

Pause.

            (Breathe.

Feel the lungs fill with air.)

Pause.

The mind focus

slips

along the breath

within.

            Pause.

            Breathe.

            Pause.

Constriction. 

Disorientation.

“Where are the edges

to grab

control?”

            Pause.

            Breathe.

The air expands to fill these lungs.

The lungs expand to greet Life.

Life slides between thoughts.

Life opens.

            Pause.

            Breathe.

There is no mind…

a field dancing

with electric possibility.

I Am.

            Breathe.

            Flow.

            No breath…

Omni directional energy.

In this moment the infinite is born.

In this moment All Is.

There is no “I” but a shimmer

within

the Divine Dream.

            Is.

           

Is.

           

Beingness.

This moment is

Easter.

Ask Parvati 8: How To Find The Right Yoga Practice and Teacher For You

How To Find The Right Yoga Practice and Teacher For You

Dear Parvati,

I would like to get into yoga classes, but I feel overwhelmed by all of the choices and styles. How can I tell what kind of yoga class will actually be good for me and suits my body and temperament? What should I look for in a yoga teacher?

Various Kinds of Yoga

Yoga is a 5,000-year-old life science and art. It touches upon many topics and areas of inquiry, such as herbal medicine, meditative and contemplative practices, ritual, chanting, astrology and sound – just to name a few. The yoga most commonly known in the West is Hatha yoga, a practice that cultivates the experience of a balanced and unified state of being through physical exercises. The Sanskrit word yoga means to join or to yoke, to unify. All practices that are said to be yogic would have the development of a harmonious way of life and ultimate God-realization as their goal.

The balancing and purifying principles that are at the root of Hatha yoga have found broad appeal around the world, as the benefits of stretching, strengthening and relaxation are immediately evident, and the cultivation of inner peacefulness is available for those who are willing.

In the yogic tradition, there is a saying: The paths are many, but the truth is one. Whether you choose Iyengar, Ashtanga, Scaravelli, Sivananda, Kripalu, Bikram, Kundalini, Vinyasa, Yin Yoga, Anusara, Moksha, Jivamukti… you are ultimately doing a hatha yoga practice, which is using the body as a tool to experience a harmonious relationship between spirit and matter. There are many different types of hatha yoga practices, because there are many types of people. It is not appropriate, for example, for someone who tends to run hot to do a heating yoga practice. Nor is it appropriate for one who tends to be heavy in body and mind to do a practice that is particularly slow (non-dynamic).

For example, Ashtanga practice is very popular today. It is a powerful practice and has many benefits. It is a practice that cultivates heat and, as such, is appropriate for some, but not everyone. The heat generated in the practice is an internal heat geared to purify the physical body but also the subtler channels and the spiritual body. A particularly feisty go-getter type person may be attracted to the heat in this practice, feeling that they like the vigorous workout. However, this can often add more heat to an already overheated system. So, though a person may run from the boardroom and slip into a yoga class, and dash off to their next appointment, in effect they have not truly paused to do yoga. They have kept their heated go-getter engine on throughout the yoga class and on into the next thing. I have seen, in the years of my yoga therapy work with individuals and with groups, many people who have experienced the ill effects of being in the wrong practice for their type. Choosing the right practice is very important.

Different Styles for Different Body Types

Ayurveda, the herbal medicine branch of the overarching body of yoga, is a sister to Hatha yoga. It breaks down the human constitution into different types. When you are looking for the right yoga class for you, it is useful to have a sense of your type. Ask yourself the following:

·       Are you thin, find it hard to gain weight, wiry, nervy, agitated, with energy that comes in sparks and flashes, more of a sprinter than a distance runner?

·       Are you fiery, muscular, determined for the long haul, competitive, maybe even aggressive, with a burning appetite for life?

·       Are you slow, calm, stable, steady, sturdy, reluctant to change, with the potential to be stubborn or lazy?

Just as people’s body types can break down into these three different groups, yoga practices can also be broken down into these three different groups. People that tend to be wiry and nervy do best with slow, nurturing, grounding and comforting practices, such as Kripalu, Sivananda, Scaravelli, restorative, integral or Yin yoga. People who run hot, and are competitive by nature, are likely to be attracted to more physically intense yoga practices, which is okay as long as the primary directive of the practice is not to generate heat. Anusara, Iyengar, Sivananda, Scaravelli or viniyoga would be good practices for this constitution. If you have a heavier build, tend to be slow by nature and would benefit from a little more inner fire, then Ashtanga, Jivamukti, power yoga, Kundalini, Bikram and Moksha yoga can be good practices for you.

When there are specific injuries to the body that need to be addressed, restorative yoga classes can be good. Pre- and post-natal classes are excellent support for the birthing process.

There is no harm in trying out a variety of practices. The ill effects of which I speak in this blog are effects that happen over a long term. If you are generally fit and generally in good health, there is no ill effect in trying any style of yoga to see how it feels, as long as it is done in moderation. It is advised, however, to eventually stick with a practice. Because the effects of yoga are deep and lasting, they happen over time. So a consistent practice with the correct method, with a skilled teacher and a willing student, will yield maximum results.

Finding a Teacher

Because the instructor is guiding you through the development of an intentional body-mind relationship, going to a yoga class can feel for me like wearing somebody else’s body. Though for some, going to a yoga class can be seen as just a great way to “get fit”, there is something much deeper going on. I seek teachers that embody at least an aspect of yoga, that is, that they exhibit and live by a deepening body-mind connection that serves the greater good of all. I have seen many very popular yoga teachers that I feel seem disconnected from who they are and what they are doing, and as such they do not exemplify yoga for me. If you are not sure, try a class, and see how you feel afterwards. Do you feel grounded? Do you feel too heavy? Do you feel elated? Do you feel too high? Do you feel energized? Do you feel too peppy? Notice how you feel. Above all, you should feel balanced. That is, grounded and inspired, rooted and expansive, relaxed and alert. The way this balanced feeling is developed through a yoga class is by the awareness of one’s spine, and the way vital life-force energy moves through it. I would stay away from any teacher that uses terminology such as “push” or “pull”, or who acts with too much force, and who does not bring your awareness back to your breath and to the movement of energy in your spine. Though many years of teaching can indicate a more skilful teacher, I have also seen young teachers who seem to naturally “get it” and are genuinely inspired by the yogic path. So, though credentials matter, what matters most, again, is this feeling of balanced connection.

In my years of teaching, I have experienced a shortage of teachers who understood the value of a practice inspired by a surrendered relationship to the vital life force that runs as a vast mystery within. Yoga is not an external practice of bendy poses that turn your body into a pretzel, but the development of a deep internal relationship with the self and the Divine. This is why, through the natural development of my practice, my personal teaching style, YEM: Yoga as Energy Medicine, arose. When we are willing to listen within, our greatest teacher is our humble relationship to the cosmos that exists as a guiding force within ourselves, expressed within our body. At best, your yoga teacher mirrors that relationship back to you, as a guide to help you get out of your own way so that your finite body may embody the eternal Divine. A teacher is not to be copied, but is to inspire your own unique personal path.

I wish you much grace as you explore the riches of yoga.

Ask Parvati 7 – Cultivating the Sweetness of Humility

Ask Parvati 7 – Cultivating the Sweetness of Humility

Dear Parvati,

You mentioned in your last entry that a gem of a spiritual seeker will have a warm humility. I try to practice humility, but struggle with a tendency to go straight into self-loathing when I feel that I have done something egotistic. I feel this tendency is not humility. Can you explain a little more about humility and how it is different from beating yourself up?

I feel grateful for this question on a topic with which I am very much in process. I am no expert here, so I share some of what I have learned and witnessed so far on my journey. The lessons that have taught me aspects of humility have been among the toughest I have experienced, but also the sweetest. As the hard shell of the coconut cracks to reveal sweet meats, so too the hardness of our ego must dissolve in order to experience the nectar of lasting bliss.

Humility is an essential spiritual quality that we must all learn to cultivate if we are to walk the spiritual path. Because of the powerful strength found in the deep softness of humility, this topic is often easily misunderstood. I acknowledge its sweet immensity in wonder and awe.

Part of the process of evolution is learning to find a balanced relationship between the temporal and the eternal, the mundane and the cosmic. We are vast, radiant beings, like shining stars, learning to face, with grace and ease, situations and events that may make us feel constrictive.

Our life events are a reflection of our previous karmic tendencies (residue from our past) and an opportunity to flow within the divine play of pure consciousness arising. We learn to soften and welcome this moment, open to the teachings and the wisdom within it that give us what we need to let go of that which no longer serves, and embrace the fullness of who we are.

Just as a star eventually collapses and goes supernova, along the spiritual path there is a death of who we think ourselves to be, in order to become eternally free. The key elixir in the process of this death is the deceptively powerful force of humility. Humility has the alchemical power of transforming the base metals of our previous karmic tendencies into the gold of this moment.

The power of humility is a balanced dance within form and formlessness, where we understand that to meet this moment, to let go, to embrace what is, allows the stars that we are to be born into supernovae. As such, humility is a refined state of consciousness that both guides and teaches us on our spiritual path.

What makes humility so powerful is that it provides us with a balanced attitude of being an integral part within a vast and immense whole. Only in being humble can we truly learn to embrace this moment in all that it brings. Only in being humble can we truly learn to let go of how we want things to be, and learn what we need. Only in being humble are we rooted, vital and expansive enough to realize our true nature. We all cast shadows on this earth. The more we stand in pride, judgment and in illusions of grandeur, the deeper our shadow. By being willing to kneel in gratitude, bow in reverence, let go in wonder, the depth of our shadow decreases. And the death that we experience is the death of the temporal, the death of “me”, “mine” and “I”.

We commonly think of humility as a sheepish, apologetic state, which in itself speaks of a shadow of the ego. The ego is tricky, yet is also quite simple. It expresses itself in any feeling that makes us feel greater than or less than.

The Buddhist practice speaks of near enemies. For example, the near enemy of the sophisticated state of compassion would be sympathy. To be sympathetic for someone is a very different state than to be compassionate. So in the same way, nobodyness can often be misunderstood as humility. Nobodyness would be more along the lines of the ego’s tricky play of feeling less than, which is often rooted in self-loathing or shame.

Self-loathing can come in various forms. It can be an active aggression against oneself, or a more passive attachment to a sense of self-disgust. It is perhaps useful to think of self-loathing as the personality’s misguided understanding of the energy flow in this moment. This misguided understanding brings one into the experience of an emotional dead end, feeling trapped with no way out. The pattern of self-loathing becomes a self-sabotage technique that pulls us away from the fullness of the moment and into a disconnected, painful state.

Of course, there is the potential for the vicious cycle of loathing the self-loathing, which just generates more suffering. The opportunity for us is, once we realize we are in a pattern of self-loathing, to stop, to breathe, and allow ourselves to be right here, right now. It is natural to feel overwhelmed when we first start to practice this. It’s like a new muscle that takes time to develop. So continue to bring your awareness back to whatever this moment is for you.

And in that space, the tendency for self-loathing will likely return. But in that space, we can begin to witness it rather than react to it and give it energy. In the process of witnessing it, we can begin to make different choices, choices rooted in a more connected sense of self, choices inspired by the freedom of humility.

It takes humility to learn to release this misunderstanding of your true nature and begin to consciously choose different avenues of expression. Life is an ongoing opportunity for us to meet face-to-face the results of our previous actions. We can resist, dislike, judge and feel ashamed of what we see as a reflection of who we are; or we can choose to move a new way, out of the dead end and into the flow. The ability to see clearly that we have been self-loathing requires humility, asking us to soften to what is, to find a middle place that is neither mired in a painful tendency nor steeped in avoidance. This humility holds within it both the gentleness required to meet the moment and the alignment to an energy greater than the self, that is in service to evolution. So rather than fighting or avoiding self-loathing, humility teaches us to see it as it is, accept it in all its colours, and return to our connection, to our radiant star-like reality, and shine.

We can feel resistance to realizing that we are stars, let alone to knowing that we can go supernova. In the last blog entry, we explored the trickiness of the ego and how all that shimmers may not be light. So to even come into alignment with the realization that we are stars requires humility. To say “Hey, wow, look at me, I’m a brilliant star!” or to sheepishly avoid shining, are both expressions of ego-driven disconnect. Humility teaches us a relaxed acceptance of our true nature, that we are perfect beings within a perfect universe, with imperfect qualities that require conscious attention to refine.

We are perfectly equipped with everything we need to evolve. It takes humility to maintain a non-comparative, non-judgmental point of view so that we can just get on and do our work just as we are and be in a relaxed, celebratory state of awareness that we are within an intelligent, vast whole.

I cannot say whether one arrives into a permanent state of humility, because on my journey so far, I am very much in a deepening, ongoing evolutionary process with it. But sages remind us of a reality in which all aspects of the ego dissolve and we experience a continual flow of unity consciousness and bliss. May you find the light, playful wonder to meet the moment with humility so that you may realize the fullness of who you are.

Ask Parvati 6 - Seeing Past the Shimmer: Discernment on the Spiritual Path

Seeing Past the Shimmer: Discernment on the Spiritual Path

April 3, 2011

Thank you for all the questions submitted this past week. In this week's blog, we take a look at the shadow of spiritual seekers. Please send your questions to be picked for next week’s topic to ask@parvatidevi.com by Thursday, April 7.

If you have not yet done so, please listen to the meditation for Japan that I recorded recently to support those in need. I am grateful for your help in passing it on.

Peace,

Parvati

Dear Parvati,

I have a friend that I find confusing. She is sweet, an active spiritual seeker who volunteers and seems to care for others. But when I am around her, I feel uneasy. When I ask myself why, I feel in my gut that I can’t trust her. She seems spiritually wise, so I find it hard to understand the reaction I have. My gut tells me she is hiding something, like she is not what she seems. How can you tell when a person is truly the light they project or is shining light as a decoy to nasties in their personal basement?

The Shadow of the Spiritual Seeker

Thank you for this question. When I lived in India for a year where I eventually met my guru, I was known for saying that I was seeking yogis, not bogies. As they say, not all that shimmers is gold. And the world of a spiritual seeker is no exception. There are a lot of self-proclaimed prophets who are attached to power rather than learning to serve. As spiritual aspirants we need to learn to discern the fool’s gold from the real gems.

Sometimes people think being spiritual is being a Pollyanna, pretending to be perfect and ok with all that comes, while really feeling in knots on the inside. I am sure you have heard people say “it’s all good”, when you can see terror in their eyes, glazed by a thick dose of denial.

Other people misinterpret the spiritual phrase “we each are expressions of the Divine” and begin to think of themselves as gods, rather than energies in respectful and humble service to a wise, potent, co-creative, flowing force with immensity beyond our wildest imagination.

Thinking of yourself as either better than or worse than another is an expression of the ego and is an easy pitfall for anyone. I find the power of discernment, rather than judgment, to be a key tool on my spiritual journey. It fills me with the possibility to witness that which is, rather than separate myself from the moment and impose my own story on it. I can pause, enquire, feel, explore and see, before I act. Judging something closes my mind to it, whereas discernment supports my choice to co-create with energies that amplify the presence of I AM consciousness. Out of guilt, self-pity, loneliness or fear I may allow myself to get pulled into energies that are tricky and pull me off path. Discernment helps me see that.

Each one of us has a unique life force that flows through us. We each are the gatekeepers of that life force. When we experience energies that do not expansively support that life force, it is healthy to say no to them. It is essential to remember that everything that happens in our life is an opportunity for us to grow. That which we see in another is a reflection of ourselves. That which we cannot stand in another we cannot stand in ourselves. That which makes us judge another is some thing we judge in ourselves.

Trickiness Disguised as the Light

Here is a little anecdote to which you may relate:

I feel I have known Stephanie before. Perhaps it is a past life thing, or perhaps because I feel I have met many people like her on the spiritual path. On this journey to help heal the planet, it is no coincidence that I would meet a woman with such beauty that seems on the same wavelength but also seems to carry a darkness that I sense could act out hurtfully at any moment.

Having sought the Divine through drugs and alcohol, she came to yoga, meditation and healing naturally through her own painful journey. Born out of necessity, she is a good healer. But she must manage her shadow moment to moment lest it take over. When things don’t go her way, she explodes into temper tantrums and exhibits powerful rage. Yet once the heat has passed, she has forgotten all about it, as though it never happened.

In the minds of many people like Stephanie, it never really did. Deeply attached to her self-perception as a spiritual person, in denial about the depth of her own pain, she uses her spiritual insight and energy to try to control the moment, rather than humbly meeting it, because she is too afraid to see her own vulnerability and lack of control, and touch her inner wounds.

We all have an aspect of Stephanie in us but to varying degrees. Some people live by denial and don’t even know it has become their core identity. I have met very few people who I would say are evil. But I have seen evil energy come charging through people, even those I have called friends. Such is the risk when one opens, when one seeks. One must be ultimately discerning on the spiritual path.

Just because a person has a guru, and feels they are committed to the light, does not mean that they will act in righteous ways. I have seen practicing yogis and healers fly into a rage when their buttons get pushed, toke up before teaching a yoga class, eat a hamburger before giving a lecture on the necessity of being vegetarian. It takes a certain fierce courage to be willing to face one’s ego and meet the moment as it is, not as we want it to be. It is a kind of death, a death of the temporal to be born again into the infinite. A real gem of a spiritual aspirant will not be overly shiny, but will radiate a warm humility, a potent kindness, a strong, inner steadiness and fierce dispassion. By resting in vast stillness, the infinite light shines through.

Spin Doctors and ego tricks

The ego is a tricky place. It only seeks self-service. As such, it is a voracious consumer and life force constrictor. It can be trickiest to see the ego in people who are spiritually minded. Having adopted a certain skill in the unseen, it is easy for people with spiritual knowing to learn how to manufacture perceptions that manipulate and twist reality to suit their own shadow. They know how to turn situations around to make it seem like it is you who is off path. This is a powerful aversion technique, and sadly, it is really they who most lose out. Through manipulation and often heavy doses of denial, the opportunity to look within is side-stepped. I call these people Spin Doctors.

To help avoid this shadow tendency, yogis are classically taught by an enlightened guru who has the fierce ability to mould the aspirant’s consciousness so they may have purity of heart and use subtle spiritual power only for the good of all. Many spiritual aspirants are unaware that they use spiritual energy to amplify their ego attachments. Learning to navigate through that tendency is part of an ongoing aspect of spiritual maturation. Our shadows lie dormant in the corners of our personalities until situations that push our buttons and go against our will activate them, giving us a chance to see them, if we are humble and courageous enough to do so.

A Call to Compassion

I believe we are all a lot more alike than different. I would say that the light you see in your friend is a reflection of the light you see in yourself. And the shadow you sense in him/her is a reflection of your own discomfort with your own inner shadow.

Whether you are acquaintances or are best of friends, whether you hang out every day for the rest of your life or never see the person again, is secondary to the opportunity to grow from this now and deepen your own spiritual awareness. I would see this friend as a gift from the universe for you to learn greater discernment, practice tuning into what you are feeling in the moment and acting in a way that honours your inner voice.

Next time you are around this person, ask yourself:

• Do I feel expansive now? If not, how come? If yes, how come?
• Do I feel safe now? If not, how come? If yes, how come?
• What wonderful qualities do I see in this person? How are these aspects of myself?
• What can I not stand in this person? How are those aspects of myself?
• Can I allow myself to just be, watch this person/situation as it is, without reacting?
• Does it feel rooted, vital and expansive for me to stay with this person now? If yes, stay. If no, go.

As a tool to learn discernment and develop compassion, I mention above to ask yourself in the moment if it feels rooted, vital and expansive to stay with that person or move along. This question is a powerful litmus test to see if the sparkly, Pollyanna side in you is in fact masking your own shadow, as you hang out with someone who may be doing the same. If it does feel rooted, vital and expansive to stay, then do so and fully relax and meet the moment in all its wonder. If it does not feel rooted, vital and expansive to stay and you choose to stay, then you too would be playing the shimmer game by remaining. It is far more honest and compassionate to all involved (which includes you!) to kindly choose to interact no longer, wish the other well, and move on.

The gift here is in the power to discern what feels expansive and supportive for you and learning to accept both yourself and others exactly where you each are at. We don’t need to be friends with everyone, but I believe we are called to learn to love everyone, equally. By “love” I don’t mean a sentimental attachment, but a commitment to be real, honest, open, humble and courageous in this moment. By “love” I mean developing the state of witness consciousness, to see all of life… the beautiful, the painful, the glorious, the ugly… unfold as it is.

Love is like a flower that blooms in the fertile soil of self-love. As we learn to love ourselves exactly as we are, we become able to love others as they are by seeing through appearances and being present for what is, without judgment, attachment, fear, guilt or trying to change the outside world to suit our needs. In every moment we have the choice to embrace our evolution or resist it in some way. By rooting our actions in self-love, by practicing discernment through non-attachment, we can learn to cultivate timeless love and see beyond temporal, manufactured sparkles into eternal, expansive light.