Sunday, February 27, 2011

Ask Parvati 1: Getting Unstuck and Finding Your Passion

Getting Unstuck and Finding Your Passion
February 27, 2011

Thank you very much for your submissions to this first in a series of ‘Ask Parvati’ blogs. The lucky winner of the first draw asked a wonderful question that I believe many can relate to about finding your life’s passion.

If you would like your question answered next Sunday, make sure you send it to me by Thursday, March 3rd at: I will draw one question to answer each week.

Have a super week and enjoy the read.


Dear Parvati,

I feel stuck. I want to find my life passion, something that makes me spark, but I feel like I am in the dark. I have many ideas, but none really stick. I'm capable of doing many things, but nothing seems like it could develop into a passion. Why do I feel like I'm destined to be in search of a passion for the rest of my life without ever finding it?


Dear Friend,

Thank you for reaching out, especially when you are feeling in the dark. There are many who would harbor resentment and live in that darkness for the rest of their lives. The fact that you are open to asking questions, to searching, to knowing yourself better, to discovering what brings you joy, is wonderful. It means that you are at some level moving, growing and receptive to possibility.

The desire to find your passion is beautiful. I do believe we each are born with unique talents and gifts that we are called to both personally enjoy and also share with the world. Due to conditioning from our past, we can learn to suppress our inner voice. We can live our lives for others rather than being inwardly guided by our unique soul voice. It usually takes time and practice to learn to honour an authentic expression of our true self. So please, take heart and give yourself a gentle pat on the back for being open to finding your voice.

The idea of “finding your passion” may feel a bit overwhelming because perhaps you have set up an all-or-nothing scenario for yourself. With that pressure on, you may find it hard to give yourself the permission to explore and trust how things make you feel. From my experience, life is constantly evolving and unfolding. Most of us are taught to think in terms of ‘arriving’, like we will ‘get there’ and our lives will be perfect and all will be in order. But it is not so. Just like nature is always responding to change, we grow, we shift and we evolve. Change and evolution are life.

When life feels dizzying, my motto is to put my feet on the ground. When inner stakes feel high, it is useful to start doing something that makes you feel expansive, right now. Chasing illusions of perfection tomorrow can lead to an empty and endless search. So choose to do something today that makes you feel like you want to get out of bed this morning.

Doing one simple activity that makes you feel alive is like switching yourself on to what makes you feel connected, in this moment. From that choice in the moment to connect to your joy, a life based on inner connection can flower. It is like the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. A single step feeling connected to something begins a life feeling connected. Life is one moment unfolding after another. In that place of greater lightness and expansion, your deeper joys will become clearer to you, one breath at a time.

It is very powerful to remind ourselves that we are constantly co-creating our life. We are not victims of something "happening to us". What we experience in the outer world is a reflection of what we think and believe. Inside and out are beautifully interconnected. If we are willing, open and ready, life provides us with a powerful opportunity to learn and grow deeply. Life is like a mirror that constantly reflects ourselves back to ourselves. Trouble is, most of us are attached to seeing things or living things the way we want them to be, the way we think will make us happy.

Many people think that one thing will make them happy, like that one perfect partner, or that one ideal job, that one glam outfit or car or hair cut or whatever! But it won't. All things in life are fleeting. We tend to "want" rather than be. When we let go of the grip of "wanting" (like a closed fist) and allow ourselves to truly begin to open (like an open palm), we touch a place of infinite fulfillment that is not limited to the activity we are doing in that moment. Our lives flower from the inside out as an expression of our deepest joy, our interconnection to all of life. Our lives become soul-directed, in service, expansive and alive, rather than wanting-directed, based on fear, disconnect and constriction.


I believe in the power of writing your own obituary. I don’t mean this in a morbid way whatsoever. I find it a very powerful exercise. Make a list and keep it in a safe place, like on your shrine, or in your diary, or frame it to see it every day. Write down how you want to be remembered. Answer these questions:
  • What do you leave behind when you go?
  • How do you want to feel when you leave this fabulous planet?
  • What do you need to do now to feel that way?
  • What do you want to do, see, touch, feel like?

Life is temporal. We all leave at some point. So why not know what you want to feel like when you do and start today working towards that goal? I find this keeps a strong life-focus. It is like working with the idea that hindsight is 20/20. And start there. Forget the rest. Life does go quickly. So it is good to keep focused on things that make you say yes to life.


I do believe that you are meant to live your heart’s joy. There is time to enjoy, to do what you love. In this way, life is perfect. Start right here, right now, exactly where you are. Take small steps, one foot after the other, with an open heart, a ready mind and in a willing state. Your life then unfolds, one moment after the other, into a deep joy that you can share with the world.

Here are some things I know to be true from my life that you may find useful along your path:

1) We are complete, infinite, abundant beings that are attached to the illusion of separation, fear and scarcity
2) All actions from a place of wanting and disconnection create suffering
3) All actions from a place of joy bring healing, connection, abundance and fulfillment to ourselves and all beings
4) When you have a choice to make, ask yourself, ‘Does this make me feel rooted, vital and expansive?’ Only do things that make you feel grounded, alive and evolving.
5) There is no job that is too small or unimportant. If you love it (and it does not break any law), then it is perfect.


  1. Hi Parvati,
    Thank you so much for taking the time to answer the question so fully and thoughtfully. It was not my question to you, but it is a question I have been asking myself a lot the past year (perhaps much longer). I know that I am the river, and a river has pebbles and stones in its way....well, sometimes it feels like I am stuck against one of these stones, and even have to be mindful to be breathe and be rooted. So thank you for these guiding words and reminders!! I hope to see you soon, but in the meantime know that you are dearly in my thoughts. Ella

  2. Wow. Thanks for giving Ann Landers and Dear Abby some competition, assuming they're still alive. I didn't ask this question, but I could have, and probably did ask something similar in one of the Team's group sessions, as I seem to feel that my "passion" is only something I can do as a hobby or after-hours activity on weekends.

  3. We do really have to feel to know, the answer is in our joy, the state of not attachement and fun. It is like, let's go beyond thinking, listen to our hearts, there is no small job indeed. As long as we enjoy what we do then we are on the right track. Going inside we find our outside joy.

  4. Thank you for this. It really resonated. It wasn't my question either, but thank you to the person who asked. I have been trying to figure out my passion for a while now, and I really resonated with the paragraph about doing one simple activity that makes you feel alive. I took such a step 1 year ago, which was to reconnect with horses. These animals have healed me on many levels, because being with them IS my joy. From there I started to feel more connected with myself and with life. For me it was this single step that was the beginning of my journey towards finding my inner self. It was like you write: "A single step feeling connected to something begins a life feeling connected." I also feel that my deeper joys are now clearer to me. I still haven't found my dream job just yet, but I have a deeper clarity about what gives me joy and therefore feel that I will be able to recognize it when it comes along.

  5. Great post, Parvati. Compassionate and gentle, yet calling us to move forward instead of sitting around feeling bitter or left behind.

    Keval, what would your life look like without the belief that "my passion is only something I can do as a hobby or after-hours activity on weekends"? Can you see a good reason to hang on to the belief? :)

  6. This blog came at a great time. All the insight you provided was straight forward, clear and made perfect sense.

    My favourite line was: Chasing illusions of perfection tomorrow can lead to an empty and endless search. It reminded me that life has shown up for me so I need to show up for life. Anything is possible.

    Thank you for the great reminder and the boost of energy with this blog. If we were all living our joy i believe the world would be a much happier place.

    Jai ma

  7. Thank you Parvati for posting this. I take comfort in knowing that I am not the only one with these questions. Sometimes it feels overwhelming not being able to identify my passion but the idea of doing one simple activity that makes me feel alive is a simple, easy step to begin to move myself in that direction. Again, thank you for this!