Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Ask Parvati 21: Jealousy - Part 2, It Is Not Happening To Me



It Is Not Happening To Me


(Continued from “Freedom Through Understanding”)


It is easy to blame others for what we feel. There is a passive power we can get in complaining, in feeling hard done by, in feeling powerless. When we complain, or feel self pity, or jealousy, we feel like "life sucks". Thing is, when we feel life sucks, it is actually we who are sucking. By focusing on not enough, we are energetically trying to pull energy towards us, draw upon the perceived fullness of others and try to fill up our perceived sense of lack. But this will never work for a few reasons.


One, there is no such thing as something happening “to” us. Nature can not support that thought, or it would be supporting our ego, which thwarts the flow of evolution. Everything that we perceive, is just a perception that we are having. Everything that we feel, is a reaction to our perceptions. Everything that we experience, is a reflection of what we decide (however unconsciously) to perceive.


We are subjects of our perceptions. We must learn to see beyond our attachments to the illusion of feeling like an unloved victim, and find our sense of unique, perfect place in the world and our feelings of self-love. (If you have not read my blog on self-love, please do).


Two, jealousy comes from feeling not enough, which is a reflection of our own perceptions. When we feel enough in ourselves, we do not feel envy or jealousy. Feeling not enough will never be filled by any outside thing, only through the spiritual realization that we are enough, that this moment is enough in every way.


Like a bottomless pit, no matter how many raises we get, how many kids we have, how great an intimate relationship may be, what kind of house or car we have, the feeling of not enough may be temporarily masked, but will not be fulfilled. We must address the underlying feelings in ourselves for feeling not enough.


Feeling anger at God is usually a projection of unresolved anger we have towards one or both of our parents that we have not yet admitted to ourselves. It also is a reflection of feeling like a victim, that life is happening "to me". As a child, we perhaps did feel trapped, perhaps finding our parents attitudes and behaviour unrelenting. But this is not real for us as an adult. We have free will and the capacity to create our reality. Nor it is real in relation to God. God does not trap us! The universe vibrates at the reality of our deepest joy. Not that I can "speak for God", but it seems to me that what the universe wishes and supports is our deepest joy.


Feeling that we deserve something – or that we are being punished – comes from feeling judged by others, or from judging ourselves and feeling not enough. To think of life from that perspective will only bring unhappiness. Again, the universe supports our greatest joy. Life reflects our perceptions. Our happiness comes from the willingness to free ourselves from limiting beliefs.


In order to free ourselves from the grip of habitual jealousy, we must have the humility to see that it reflects the way in which we believe that we are not enough and that we are victims. Neither is real. When we see clearly and fully understand the patterns of jealousy, we see that what we believe to be true is in fact an illusion, one that we alone perpetuate.


We can find tremendous strength when we see that we create our own suffering through the way we perceive. If we cause our suffering, we can cease it by changing the way we see ourselves and the world. By addressing our root sense of feeling not enough, we will cut jealousy off at the pass and start to see the fullness of others lives as a reflection of the fullness within our own selves.


Be gentle with yourself as you begin to look deeper at the root causes of your jealousy. Watch the tendency to feel like a victim and remind yourself that you are love. You are loved. And all that is, is absolutely perfect.


Sending love,



  1. Home at last after Amma's Toronto retreat!! Thanks for stating the obvious in the last paragraph. For decades I had been jealous of anyone who: didn't have Asperger's (even before I was diagnosed as such), earned more than me, had a more upwardly mobile or prestigious job than me, had a boyfriend/girlfriend since the Carter administration and/or summer between high school and first year university, was better at playing as opposed to watching sports than me... in other words, virtually everyone!

  2. Reading the second paragraph of your blog gave me an insight into the notion of free will that humans supposedly have. I've always had difficulty with the notion that we are not the do-ers, which would seem to indicate that we are merely a pawn in God's big game of chess and that everything is happening according to a bigger plan outside of our control or design. I do believe that everything that happens in this moment is the result of our previous karmic tendencies; not something we are doing, but something we are "being". Therefor what manifests in our life is not born out of action, but out of the energy (as well as karmic energetic imprints) that make up our biological form. Yet free will comes in then, I think, in how we decide to perceive our experiences, perceive this moment. What we decide about the moment is the energy we buy into and this is what determines what arises in the following moment. So we'll keep getting more of the same until we decide to perceive it differently. Part of the awakening process is about understanding how we perceive ourselves and the world around us, so that it can empower us to perceive differently. So keep writing these blogs and help us understand.

  3. It is such humbling and precious grace to be able to see the feelings for what they are, and acknowledge the long-carried suffering, instead of being stuck in a loop of denying and wanting. It really does take gentleness, as well as willingness to see.