Ask Parvati 43: The Present Is The Present - Part 2: Turning Drama Into Fierce Discernment

(Continued from “The Bounty of Boundaries”)

Bill can be a bit of a drama queen. He too is sensitive, like Suzie, but in a different way. He can easily lose his sense of self with others, should someone say something that may trigger him into feeling that he is a bad person. It could be the simplest thing. But for him, it becomes big. He then allows himself to get taken over by the idea of being a bad person, to the point that his drama queen will act out to draw attention to himself, so he can feel temporarily better. But like any painful cycle, drama can become exhausting. So Bill has been courageously doing therapy to look into these self-destructive patterns.

Interestingly, Bill is an active devotee of the Hindu warrior goddess Kali. When faced with tricky, dark energies, Kali is never sucked in. Without a moment’s hesitation, She fiercely pulls out her sword, fully present for whatever is before Her. With razor sharp discernment that cuts through even the subtle complexities of Time and Karma, She severs any demonic ties and protects the evolution of light.

Bill could choose to feel a victim to life and use his drama queen tendencies to act out his pain. Or he could choose to see his tendencies as grace that supports his healing. Through his painful behaviour, he has a powerful opportunity. When he consciously chooses to access the fierce courage he sees in Kali and turn it to see the fullness of his own negative tendencies, he learns to discern and cut through the fog of trickiness with clear sight. Then, some kind of alchemy takes place. Using the same energy that usually ends in a blow-up, he instead turns that power to face the interference patterns that usually pull him into feeling less than he is. With that power, he can say an unequivocal “no” to destructive tendencies and an absolute “yes” to his own magnificence. No drama required, just beautiful life-force incarnate.

In Bill’s recovery process, even his destructive habits can be fertile soil in which a new discernment muscle can grow. Because of the painful pattern, he knows he needs to find another way. As he gains insight into the thoughts behind the outbursts, he is beginning to understand that if he allows himself to be swayed by the negative ideas and energies of others, he will fall down a dark hole into self-despair. In this dark drama habit, he has an opportunity to learn a powerful and hard-to-learn lesson on the spiritual path: "neti, neti" ("not this, not this"). By facing his tendencies, he strengthens his personal ability to discern which energies he will support, and which he will not. With mastery, like his chosen deity Kali, he will eventually learn to pull out his sword of discernment and cut off painful drama at the pass.

More tomorrow with “Gold Trapped In A Rock”

Ask Parvati 40: Distractions - Keeping Your Eye On The Prize - Part 1: Focus, Discipline and Courage

Dear Parvati,

Thank you for your posts. I found last week's particularly useful as it spoke to the way I want to make changes in my life this year. Though I love pursuing my life as a creative writer, I find I too often get pulled into listening to other people's problems. I can literally spend hours a day helping people. I am happy to help, but then I feel drained, with little energy left after my day job to pour into my creative pursuits. Any words of wisdom?

 

Thank you for this question. I understand the situation and often find myself needing to be quite ruthless with my time and how I spend it. Distractions always present themselves throughout the day. We must consciously choose how to spend our time and where to place our energy.

 

Whether you are pursuing the life of an artist, are making life changes or wish to start a creative venture, you must have focus, discipline and courage. If you have not yet read Amma's New Year's message, she addresses this to some extent by reminding us that our most valuable asset we have is time, which we too often squander. Keeping focused on the purpose of our life is paramount, especially as we move through the day and encounter seemingly small things that become large obstacles and that take us off path.

 

If you are not familiar with Julia Cameron's book "The Artist's Way", check it out. Her work helps keep artists on path and stay true to their calling. Her practical and straightforward exercises help bring people's life into authentic alignment with their soul's creative voice.

 

Last year, I had a long chat with a friend of mine about this very issue, how to remain focused as you follow your dreams. At this point, this friend of mine has become quite famous and is now a mentor to many about how to make it on your own terms. She told me how she focuses on her goals like she is shooting a water pistol at a ballon. It requires focused aim. She also noted that as soon as she loses her focus, she immediately sees it reflected in her success rate, her popularity and her income. To counter this, she has a personal policy that she calls "knife for life", not being afraid to 'say it like she sees it', fiercely choosing where she places her energy and with whom she spends her time.

 

This is her way to keep her eye on the prize. Because of her focus, clarity and determination, she now does not easily get entangled with people with needy energy, but has, nonetheless, created a life where she helps those in need. Her books, public appearances and media presence touch many more people and inspire them to find their way, far more effectively than if she got lost in in daily distractions that pull her from her path.

 

That is the wonderful thing about life. When we say yes to our highest purpose, ultimately, everyone wins. The person with whom you get entangled on the phone for hours that you allow to pull you away from what you love, could perhaps be better helped by someone else, or perhaps by reading the book you really want to write. Getting entangled in situations that make us less than we are and pull us off path, are a lose-lose dynamic. It is like jumping into the water to save a drowning person. When we allow ourselves to stay on path and stand our solid ground, we can be of far greater service to ourselves and therefore to others. From that solid footing, we can extend an helping hand to those in need without losing ourselves.

 

Today, ask yourself, the following questions:

1) What in your life drains your energy?

2) Why do you feel you are attached to it?

3) What do you feel your ego gains from being attached to it?

4) What would your life look like and how would you feel without it?

5) Are you totally open, ready and willing to get it go?

6) What do you need to realign within yourself to let it go?

7) What practical steps do you need to take in order to do so?

 

Now, get going to make those changes. If you want it, you got it. But do you really want it? We need to regularly ask ourselves this sobering question. We often stay stuck playing it small because it feels easier and safer to let life slip by. But at what cost? The cost of your deepest joy and true heart desire? Are you really willing to let that go in exchange for fear and temporary comforts? Think long and hard about that. What is the cost of not following your dreams? When we bring our full selves into what we are doing and free ourselves from limiting beliefs and hindering habits, we find the life we had been hoping to find.

 

Continues tomorrow with "Is It An Opportunity Or A Distraction?"

Ask Parvati 22: It's A Spiritual Life - Part 4, Commitment and Courage

COMMITMENT AND COURAGE

(Continued from “Living A Spiritual Life”)

To live a spiritual life, we must make that the goal of our life and commit to it. If we seek enlightenment, we must make our goal God-realization, so that we may experience the divine in everything.

God-realization ultimately only happens through grace. Yet commitment and courage are essential in helping us continue along the path, especially when the going gets tough.

Some people think that a spiritual life is supposed to feel like having rose petals showered under our feet. At times, it may be so. Perhaps when we become enlightened, we will be in a permanent state of bliss where everything feels like that. That I cannot yet say. But I do know that on the road to such freedom, we can feel supported by a force as sweet as a billion roses and yet often step on thorns that painfully hurt.

Especially when the going gets tough, we must remain even more focused on our goal and commitment to realize God. Tough times along the spiritual path are like rock tumblers that help to erode our rough edges. They help us break through the resistance we have to this moment and loosen our attachments to our ego. This is why is it essential that we see all that is as grace, even the stuff we don’t like. This open, non-judgmental attitude helps us remain receptive to the teachings each moment brings, whether the teaching may feel pleasant or not.

Spirituality is a medicine to cure the disease of ignorance. Sometimes medicine is sweet and sugary. Sometimes, it is bitter and makes you want to throw it away. On the spiritual path, we learn dispassion so that we may be non-reactive and keep focused on a bigger, divine picture, maintaining evenness of mind no matter what life brings. With such an attitude, the divine is always near.

(Continues tomorrow with “Spiritual Guidelines”)

Ask Parvati 14: The Death of Niceties and Feisties

DEATH OF NICETIES AND FEISTIES

THE BIRTH OF FIERCE COMPASSION

Dear Parvati,

I notice that when I am around other people I tend to go into people pleasing at the expense of myself. I wonder what you have to say about that.

DIALING “THEM” DOWN, DIALING ME UP

BECOMING AUTHENTIC

One of the pivotal quotes that shaped my life growing up was from one of my favorite musical icons, David Bowie. He said something like the worst trick God could play is to make you mediocre. Internalizing my version of his message, my motto became through high school and university that I would rather be an A or an F student than a C student.

Living by that belief, I developed two distinct personality traits, a tendency to edit myself to people please with niceties or plow through things with a fiery feistiness. Both extremes were fueled by a drive for what I understood to be “perfection”. The tension that lay between these and the fervour I put into trying to be “perfectly A” or “perfectly F” eventually consumed my health and wellbeing.

By the end of high school and into my first year of university, I was exhausted and stressed because I was not being authentically myself. Though it took me completing university and facing the rest of my life to figure it out, I eventually realized that I had allowed other people’s voices, wishes and dreams to unconsciously run my life. My feistily polite drive for “perfection” was based on the fear that if I were myself, I would not be loved.

I share this because I believe the fear that to be oneself would lead to a lack of love is not unique to me, but is surprisingly very common, even rampant in the human psyche. In the process of trying to come to terms with which inner voices were mine and which were not, I discovered that my extreme personality traits were like healthy qualities on steroids. Through various illnesses and harsh life lessons, I learned to dial down the intensity of my attachment to an idea of perfection and redirect the root energy that was driving it into more life affirming expressions.

I discovered that within my drive for perfection were many strong qualities. From this, immense creativity, powerful zeal and an ability to harness raw momentum out of almost any situation soon became my allies. Drawing upon these qualities, I learned to redirect my drive for perfection towards protecting my inner voice rather than the voice of others.

(I am very fond of the approach of self-help author Debbie Ford, whose shadow work helps people profoundly transform their lives, not by trying to get rid of “bad” qualities, but by finding the gems, the hidden teachings, in all we have within.)

Learning to be true to myself has meant letting go of a lot of excess. I have had to look at letting go of a tendency to become entangled in what others think. I needed to look at my defensiveness, learning to let go of a general, ongoing feeling of being judged or attacked. I have had to watch the death of my niceties and my feisties so that I could find the courage to go within and fiercely honour my own unique rhythm and voice.

As I began to live a more soul-directed life, I realized that doing so was not really the norm. Looking back at the construct I had started to leave behind, I saw that though on the surface it seemed that society supported excellence, the pull to live in the status quo was stronger in the collective consciousness. It seemed most people were complacently satisfied with fitting in and being “normal”.

WHY BE NORMAL?

Midway through university, I started to wear a pin on my coat that asked the question: “Why be normal?” I meant it as a provocative and sincere question as to what normality really meant to the world at large and to anyone who noticed me wearing it.

What I came to realize is that there is nothing wrong with being an A, B, C, D or F student, if that is who you truly are. We each are unique expressions of a divine force and it is our job to discover what that is and express it in our life. The problem is, most of us go through life on autopilot, as though we are asleep, wondering why life feels like a bad dream, tending to react to our unconscious thoughts and desires rather than learning to live fully and authentically.

When we begin to wake up, we wake up to, as the mindfulness teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn says, “the full catastrophe” of our lives. We learn to see the depth of our reactivity, the ways we give our power away to people and things and how we place happiness in some elusive place or person outside ourselves. Deeper still, we learn to touch and be present for the silent voices that rage through our actions, like feeling fundamentally “I can’t” or “I am not loved”.

When we come upon these old, hidden places within us, we must learn to pause and befriend them, rather than run from them pretending they do not hurt. When we welcome our full self into our self, we access our fullest power. We learn to see that our dreams are completely feasible, and that we have all we need to realize them. We begin to see that our main obstacle has been our self (no one else) and the antagonistic way we have seen the world.

As I began to find my own answers as to “why be normal?”, I started to follow an impulse, a powerful yet quiet force that lay waiting behind my conscious thoughts. It was within me and made no logical sense. But did it matter? I felt alive. I felt open. I felt connected. And in so doing, I was a better, fuller, more inspired, helpful and loving person.

In learning to find our unique rhythms, we need to try things out. I went through a phase of sporting short, electric purple hair with fluorescent blue eyebrows. My regular dress was multi-coloured body paint hidden mysteriously under a wardrobe of solid black. Only after a phase of leopard skin, tutus and combat boots, followed by a love affair with haute couture, did I reveal my joy of full colour. That was when I got rid of everything black.

When I was living in New York City, I went through a phase where everywhere I went, I carried a rubber goldfish in the palm of my hand, that I called “Fishy”. There was no sense in it. It was my own whimsical performance-art piece. The jelly-like goldfish was my friend, so it went where I went. People got use to it and accepted it. It was funny. It made people pause, do a double take and laugh. I loved that pause. I loved the space it gave because it allowed for more authentic connections as we stepped out of “normal”.

A friend of mine from New York, Kelly Cutrone, has a recent book called Normal Gets You Nowhere that shares her own brand of self-love. She believes normalcy inhibits the unique gifts everyone can offer the world and doesn't necessarily bring happiness. I agree with Kelly that when we are true to who we are, it's easier to be honest, it's easier to be compassionate, and the world is a much better place.

FIERCE COURAGE AND COMPASSION

Being true to who we are is an ongoing process as we meet each moment of our lives. It is not a final destination point but a ripening as we get to know ourselves more fully. We all are works in progress, letting go of excess, reclaiming what we lost, discovering the new and rediscovering the forgotten.

It requires a fierce courage to be oneself. “Fierce courage” to me does not mean acting like a bully or railroading people. (If that is naturally who you are, then ok - but I would doubt it to be so. Most bullies are people who are deeply afraid.) We need fierce courage because there is momentum to normalcy, there is social momentum to staying asleep and not awakening one’s true nature. In effect, there is no “normal”. There is either “asleep” or “awake”, to varying degrees.

When we begin to honour our true nature, we shed light for others to do the same. But not everyone is ready for such honesty, nor does everyone want it. Connecting to our inner fierceness keeps us honest, instinctual, and in alignment with nature. Tapping into courage helps us move towards greater expansion. Developing compassion helps us understand the tendency to want to remain asleep. Because that tendency exists within us all, we can see ourselves in others. However, in this moment, we choose to live awake.

When we are naturally who we are, we align our energies with the force of nature, a most potent force. It does not apologize for who it is. It does not sheepishly try to be something else. It does not look for approval. It simply is.

The flower does not question that it is a flower, nor does the lion question its nature. The flower quietly reflects beauty. The lion will tear off your head if you get too close. The flower does not question if it is too beautiful, nor does the lion struggle with guilt, doubt and self-reproach due to the force of its claws. If the lion pretended to be a mouse, the lion would be unhappy. If the flower were crushed by concrete, it could not grow. We must be who we are.

Driven by the ego that knows only fear and disconnect, our minds tend to seek control and manipulate reality to suit our core beliefs. In turn, we create complexity in the moment, in which we become entangled. By becoming mentally convoluted, we lose touch with the force of our innate intelligence that arises from deep within through our connection with nature.

If your joy is singing, then sing. If your joy is being a lawyer, then love it. If you want to sit and read a book, then lap it up. If you need to tell someone how you feel, then let that person know. And do it completely, with every ounce of your being. Whatever it is, if you crush that connection with nature, your connection to who you are, everyone loses. When you honour it, everyone wins.

If there is truth in my desire to be either an A or an F student, it is that neither being driven by wanting to be “nice” nor by being overly “feisty” was right for me. Both were a form of pushing or pulling at life, rather than riding the river I am. Each one of us has to find that flow, our own unique expression of the life force that moves within us. Groundbreaking modern dancer and choreographer Martha Graham provides an inspiring quote to illustrate this: “There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action. Because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. If you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost.”

We often mistake compassion for sentimentality and love for sweetness. Love to me is fierce, an unbridled force that defies reason. It is the force that says, “I am that I am.” Compassion is an expression of that force through action. It calls us to serve through love for being here, for being part of it all.

When we don’t say what we need or share who we are, we are living in fear and, in effect, we waste our lives and everyone else’s time. This life is short. The perils are many. We need to sharpen our inner clarity to see who we are and connect to our unique inner light so that we may shine as beacons in the world.

Many people won’t get it. Many people will. Either way, it doesn’t matter. What matters most is that you feel alive, plugged in and real. In tapping into such rooted, vital expansiveness, you send a message to the universe of possibility, of interconnection, of “yes” to life. Without any aggression or warrior rage, you have created a radical revolution – by being exactly who you are. 

Today, and every day, I celebrate you.

Parvati

Ask Parvati 7 – Cultivating the Sweetness of Humility

Ask Parvati 7 – Cultivating the Sweetness of Humility

Dear Parvati,

You mentioned in your last entry that a gem of a spiritual seeker will have a warm humility. I try to practice humility, but struggle with a tendency to go straight into self-loathing when I feel that I have done something egotistic. I feel this tendency is not humility. Can you explain a little more about humility and how it is different from beating yourself up?

I feel grateful for this question on a topic with which I am very much in process. I am no expert here, so I share some of what I have learned and witnessed so far on my journey. The lessons that have taught me aspects of humility have been among the toughest I have experienced, but also the sweetest. As the hard shell of the coconut cracks to reveal sweet meats, so too the hardness of our ego must dissolve in order to experience the nectar of lasting bliss.

Humility is an essential spiritual quality that we must all learn to cultivate if we are to walk the spiritual path. Because of the powerful strength found in the deep softness of humility, this topic is often easily misunderstood. I acknowledge its sweet immensity in wonder and awe.

Part of the process of evolution is learning to find a balanced relationship between the temporal and the eternal, the mundane and the cosmic. We are vast, radiant beings, like shining stars, learning to face, with grace and ease, situations and events that may make us feel constrictive.

Our life events are a reflection of our previous karmic tendencies (residue from our past) and an opportunity to flow within the divine play of pure consciousness arising. We learn to soften and welcome this moment, open to the teachings and the wisdom within it that give us what we need to let go of that which no longer serves, and embrace the fullness of who we are.

Just as a star eventually collapses and goes supernova, along the spiritual path there is a death of who we think ourselves to be, in order to become eternally free. The key elixir in the process of this death is the deceptively powerful force of humility. Humility has the alchemical power of transforming the base metals of our previous karmic tendencies into the gold of this moment.

The power of humility is a balanced dance within form and formlessness, where we understand that to meet this moment, to let go, to embrace what is, allows the stars that we are to be born into supernovae. As such, humility is a refined state of consciousness that both guides and teaches us on our spiritual path.

What makes humility so powerful is that it provides us with a balanced attitude of being an integral part within a vast and immense whole. Only in being humble can we truly learn to embrace this moment in all that it brings. Only in being humble can we truly learn to let go of how we want things to be, and learn what we need. Only in being humble are we rooted, vital and expansive enough to realize our true nature. We all cast shadows on this earth. The more we stand in pride, judgment and in illusions of grandeur, the deeper our shadow. By being willing to kneel in gratitude, bow in reverence, let go in wonder, the depth of our shadow decreases. And the death that we experience is the death of the temporal, the death of “me”, “mine” and “I”.

We commonly think of humility as a sheepish, apologetic state, which in itself speaks of a shadow of the ego. The ego is tricky, yet is also quite simple. It expresses itself in any feeling that makes us feel greater than or less than.

The Buddhist practice speaks of near enemies. For example, the near enemy of the sophisticated state of compassion would be sympathy. To be sympathetic for someone is a very different state than to be compassionate. So in the same way, nobodyness can often be misunderstood as humility. Nobodyness would be more along the lines of the ego’s tricky play of feeling less than, which is often rooted in self-loathing or shame.

Self-loathing can come in various forms. It can be an active aggression against oneself, or a more passive attachment to a sense of self-disgust. It is perhaps useful to think of self-loathing as the personality’s misguided understanding of the energy flow in this moment. This misguided understanding brings one into the experience of an emotional dead end, feeling trapped with no way out. The pattern of self-loathing becomes a self-sabotage technique that pulls us away from the fullness of the moment and into a disconnected, painful state.

Of course, there is the potential for the vicious cycle of loathing the self-loathing, which just generates more suffering. The opportunity for us is, once we realize we are in a pattern of self-loathing, to stop, to breathe, and allow ourselves to be right here, right now. It is natural to feel overwhelmed when we first start to practice this. It’s like a new muscle that takes time to develop. So continue to bring your awareness back to whatever this moment is for you.

And in that space, the tendency for self-loathing will likely return. But in that space, we can begin to witness it rather than react to it and give it energy. In the process of witnessing it, we can begin to make different choices, choices rooted in a more connected sense of self, choices inspired by the freedom of humility.

It takes humility to learn to release this misunderstanding of your true nature and begin to consciously choose different avenues of expression. Life is an ongoing opportunity for us to meet face-to-face the results of our previous actions. We can resist, dislike, judge and feel ashamed of what we see as a reflection of who we are; or we can choose to move a new way, out of the dead end and into the flow. The ability to see clearly that we have been self-loathing requires humility, asking us to soften to what is, to find a middle place that is neither mired in a painful tendency nor steeped in avoidance. This humility holds within it both the gentleness required to meet the moment and the alignment to an energy greater than the self, that is in service to evolution. So rather than fighting or avoiding self-loathing, humility teaches us to see it as it is, accept it in all its colours, and return to our connection, to our radiant star-like reality, and shine.

We can feel resistance to realizing that we are stars, let alone to knowing that we can go supernova. In the last blog entry, we explored the trickiness of the ego and how all that shimmers may not be light. So to even come into alignment with the realization that we are stars requires humility. To say “Hey, wow, look at me, I’m a brilliant star!” or to sheepishly avoid shining, are both expressions of ego-driven disconnect. Humility teaches us a relaxed acceptance of our true nature, that we are perfect beings within a perfect universe, with imperfect qualities that require conscious attention to refine.

We are perfectly equipped with everything we need to evolve. It takes humility to maintain a non-comparative, non-judgmental point of view so that we can just get on and do our work just as we are and be in a relaxed, celebratory state of awareness that we are within an intelligent, vast whole.

I cannot say whether one arrives into a permanent state of humility, because on my journey so far, I am very much in a deepening, ongoing evolutionary process with it. But sages remind us of a reality in which all aspects of the ego dissolve and we experience a continual flow of unity consciousness and bliss. May you find the light, playful wonder to meet the moment with humility so that you may realize the fullness of who you are.

North Pole Journey: Day Four, Part Four

Day Four: Sunday September 26, 2010

Part Four

FROZEN MUSIC VIDEO SHOOT

In the wind and -25C weather at the North Pole, Rishi unveils our video camera from beneath its own miniature “snow jacket”, while Sunanda sets up the tripod for the shoot. I take out my props, walk quickly through my routine now on snow, consider my performance flow, and check the lighting. The sun is fading fast but it will have to do.

Rishi starts shooting immediately. There is no time to lose. The two pilots told us that we can be on this huge sheet of ice for no more than three hours if we are going to make it back with enough gas and avoid any turns in the unpredictable Arctic weather. That is fine. In this polar cold, batteries don’t last long.

Dressed in my gold Natamba costume from head to toe, I position myself on the snowy ice to start my first song of four, when I realize I cannot move my hands. The deep cold has already frozen the acrylic paint on my costume gloves. This means I cannot press “play” on the backing tracks on my iPod, which is attached to me, buried inside my jacket and snuggled in with an additional hot pocket for warmth and battery life. Our boom box (plan A) having been lost on our various flights from Toronto to here, we start this shoot already working our plan B. Rishi’s iPod and earbuds are tucked into my costume and is the source of sound for my performance.

Since I am unable to start the music, Sunanda steps forward to help. But we quickly realize a problem: when Sunanda pushes the iPod start button for me, she partially undresses me, then zips me up, during which time I need to start singing. The first song comes in right off the top. Sunanda is now in the shot.

Thinking only of speed of execution, we pull the iPod from inside my snowsuit and clip it on my belt outside my gold costume, then frame the shot as a close up, so that Sunanda can push the button and quickly leave the set. It’s a plan! Away we go!

My face is now tight and numb, and icicles are forming on the strands of hair that escape from my hood. It does not even occur to me that it may be hard to sing in this dry, freezing weather. I start to sing. Rishi shoots. All is going well until about one minute into the song. The sound completely dies on my headset. In the extreme cold, the batteries have already run out. 

We quickly move to plan C. We will use the iPad. But then we realize that the iPad is back at the plane, a good 30 minute walk from where we are standing. But if we are to shoot at all, we have no choice but this.

Rishi captures footage of the surroundings and I review my performance in this setting, while Sunanda runs back to the plane as quickly as she can in the thick, crunchy snow over the frozen ocean.

Shortly after Sunanda leaves, Rishi looks at me with terror, his face rigid in the harsh cold. When we first landed, Rishi found that he was not able to operate the camera properly with his gloves on, so he took them off. Now, his hands, in such a short time, are literally beginning to freeze. He tells me he cannot feel them. I place his gloves back on his hands and rub them briskly to warm them up. He begins to feel like his hands are on fire, signs of early hypothermia.

Sunanda returns. Without a moment to lose, she zips open my snowsuit, pulls out the iPad from her coat, stuffs it inside my costume and pushes the headphones into my ears. Again, we face the same problem with her being in the shoot, but we see that we have no other choice.            

With all these delays and technical difficulties, we now only have twenty minutes to go through all four songs, which means one take per song. I drop any possible thoughts of disappointment that may be creeping into my mind and focus exclusively on my performance. This is what I have come here to do. This is as it is. No amount of grief will change it. I am focused on nailing each track.

We shoot all four songs straight through. Just as the last song comes to an end, the battery of the iPad also dies. I see this as Grace. We actually did it. I am comforted knowing that we are running two cameras so there will be some options in the editing. This footage will suffice to show my performance in the North Pole, where we have come to help raise awareness of the melting polar ice. This is already a success.

We quickly pack up our video and performance gear and walk back to the plane to collect our tent, find a spot to pitch it and begin the two hours of healing work we have come to offer our Mother – the planet Earth.

North Pole Journey - Day Four, Part Two

EUREKA

Around midday, we land to refuel in the Canadian weather station Eureka, official population seven. As the plane lowers to the ground, I notice unusual animals in the distance that look like prehistoric woolly mammoths. As we deplane, the pilots tell us that we have landed near a heard of wild muskox. We are encouraged to take a closer look, so Sunanda, Rishi and I walk cautiously towards the heard. Their long, furry dark brown coats are layered with clusters of ice. A couple of beasts shake their heads, steam escaping from their nostrils in the rush of an exhale. They know they have onlookers. As though these creatures are the dark, rocky mountains that surround us come to life, a wild, untouched force feels clear in their presence.

Soon a truck pulls up to the plane. Two inhabitants of the weather station have arrived to greet us, offering us the use of the washrooms there if need be, while the pilots refuel. The three of us go quickly to be back in the sky about 20 minutes later. We still have another couple of hours until we reach our final destination.

THE ANGELS ARE WITH US

As the hours pass, the kilometers of vast, expansive scenery out the plane window is breathtaking. Throughout the flight from Resolute Bay to Eureka and now here, heading northbound somewhere above uninhabited Canadian wild, we have been graced by clear skies. Below us I see rolling and plunging icy fiords with rock as black as night and snow a sparkling white as pure as crystal. We pass over dusty steel-blue-grey frozen ocean with broken sheets of pale white ice. When open water appears, it looks as black as the mountainsides, dark, deep and menacing. Certainly this landscape does not welcome humans. I am grateful, despite the beauty, for being in the relative safety of this tiny, warm plane.

Out of the window over my shoulder, I continually notice a shimmering light in the sky. It is as though a dancing ray has been following us since we departed this morning. It creates sharp shards of golden beams that pierce the sky, then grow into a fiery expanse. I lean into Sunanda and suggest that Archangel Ariel is with us. For sure, this plane, that I would call Grace, feels escorted by angels. Filled with prayers, mantras and healing intentions, there is a harmonious presence in us all, a surrender to this experience.

NATAMBA

I notice the co-pilot Mark looking back at us from the cockpit to catch our attention. He signals it is about an hour until we land. Sunanda and I pull open our bags and get out hairpins, brushes, makeup, mirrors, costume and the wig. It is time for me to get ready for my performance and transform into Natamba, the Avalonian Goddess from my show. Using the petrol barrels as our tabletop, carefully and skillfully, Sunanda and I manage to paint my face, tie up my hair, place the new, makeshift wig on my head and clothe me fully in a gold flight suit, made especially for this trip.

Natamba to me is much more than an entertainment character. She represents the Cosmic Intelligence, the highest good in us all. The embodiment of I AM consciousness, she is a multidimensional co-creator of the most potent kind. On Earth to serve the evolution of all beings, it is perfectly fitting that ‘she’ will perform my songs at the North Pole. In effect, this is the journey of Natamba to the top of the world.

The plane starts to make its descent. Sunanda and I quickly wrap up our wardrobe preparations. Rishi gets his video gear ready. As we land, we know we only have a three-hour window to do all we have come to do, otherwise jeopardizing our safe return tonight. The sun sets very early. As it is already mid-afternoon, we must work very quickly.

As we land, Mark, already on the ground, opens our cabin door to help us deplane as it is a five-foot descent down slippery stairs. To his surprise, he looks up and sees Natamba in full costume emerging from the dark out of the cabin door hole. Amazed, he takes a few steps back and says: “Wow! THAT is cool!” 

Sunanda, Rishi and I climbed into the plane in the wee hours this morning. Five hours later, while the pilots focused on navigating by paper maps over the magnetic north pole, magic had been taking place within the cabin. Now a new character has emerged, transformed during the journey. Natamba, the embodiment of I Am consciousness, a representative of the Cosmic Intelligence, will sing to the Mother Earth and for all beings at the top of the world. Surely this is a most unusual adventure. 

Back from hiatus, and North Pole Journey Day Three Part Three

I hope everyone has had a restful Christmas holiday. Thank you for your patience while I took a wee hiatus from this blog in order to do some inner work in preparation for the New Year.

In 2011, I will share here many more short and hopefully helpful blog entries intended to support your personal I AM journey so that you may live in the Positive Possibilities. Over the next couple of weeks, I will respectfully conclude the recounting of my life-changing journey to the North Pole, after which I will share new, inspirational material.

For me, 2010 was a year of clearing the deck and building solid foundations. This January finds me more focused than ever as I look to build upon what now feels like a strong base. I believe that with a true heart, a clear mind and focused actions, dreams are realized. In this entry, I share a story from the North Pole that I feel illustrates the benefits of focused determination. May it inspire you so that 2011 becomes your best year yet.

Namaste,

Parvati

Day Three: Saturday September 25, 2010

Part Three

We return from visiting the thousand-year-old Inuit village that overlooks the Resolute Bay Memorial, ready to prepare for our final journey to the North Pole tomorrow morning. As Meghan’s vehicle rolls up to the inn, Sunanda and Rishi jump out of the side of the van and immediately get to work setting up our tent. We need to test it in this weather and icy ground. It will be even colder at the North Pole and we will have little time or resources there to deal with technical difficulties. We must be ready.

I go inside the inn to review my audio gear, double check my music backing tracks and look through the costume pieces for my performance tomorrow in -25C weather. The boombox to play the backing tracks and the golden wig that brings my character Natamba to life are yet undelivered by air, missing since we checked them in at the Toronto airport.

A line from one of my songs (yet to be released on an album) goes around in my head: There is gold in the dark as I bow down. I think of the humility of traditional cultures faced with the force of Nature and the gratitude for what one had. I think of the gold we find within as we bow down in the dark of winter to find the light within. I know this light exists within everyone around the world. Here in the Arctic, I know the Inuit have great teachings on how to find light in the dark and how to find tremendous courage, the will to survive when faced with adversity.

Rishi and Sunanda come in from the cold, seeming confident that our gear will work well during tomorrow’s Arctic trek. I let Sunanda know that we still don’t have the boom box or the wig. Sunanda, who has been following up daily with the airport, feels confident that our lost luggage will turn up on the only flight today from Iqaluit, which arrives around 9pm in Resolute Bay.

We sit down together with Satish Sikha in the kitchen and enjoy the company over tea while dinner is prepared. The inn-keepers Chris and Meghan have created a feast for us in celebration of our departure tomorrow for the North Pole. We are served a full turkey dinner.

As the meal comes to a close, Meghan gestures to Sunanda that it is time to go to the airport to collect our luggage. They head out, while Rishi and I review my technical findings regarding the audio and video gear for tomorrow’s journey.

About an hour later, Sunanda returns from the airport with a look of shock and horror carved in her frozen face. The wig and the boombox were not on the flight. That was the last flight arriving in Resolute Bay before we leave tomorrow morning. Despite all her efforts to ensure the luggage arrived on time, we are left in an awkward situation. So much work, money and effort has gone into this performance at the top of the world. And now, essential pieces for the show are missing.

I waste no time thinking about what is lost and fly into action. We left Toronto with a back-up audio system, so Rishi and I quickly discuss the plan to use an alternative music sources for the performance. But the wig…that is essential and irreplaceable. What to do? Like the crown that creates a queen, like the halo that creates an angel, the character Natamba, a gold ray multidimensional being that embodies the essence of I AM consciousness, must have her top piece. The performance would not be complete without it. And we have traveled so far for this…

I feel a hot, lava-like force run up my spine. I think to myself: We leave at dawn. Natamba needs a wig. This is not rocket science. I can build one now. I look at Meghan and tell her I want to build a wig. Surprisingly, she rolls with the idea and springs into action. I know there is no synthetic hair or lightweight plastic tubing to create anything as elaborate as the wig from Toronto, but I don’t care. I am completely determined that in this high Arctic desert, in what feels like the middle of nowhere, with limited supplies, there has to be a way to create a new headpiece for Natamba tonight.

I remember that Sunanda and I thought to pack extra gold fabric, a needle and thread and a glue gun for potential costume emergencies. I ask Sunanda to please go and get these. I let Meghan know that we need something to create round shapes over which I will weave the gold fabric. Meghan looks at me with a look that somehow said, You are completely crazy and this is so much fun.

Throughout this, I did not notice that Louisa and Lisa, the gifted Inuit healers we had met a couple days ago, had stopped by the inn. Rishi had gone to greet them and show them in. He and I had asked them after our last visit if we could capture some of their wisdom on video. Rishi, Lisa and Louisa disappear into the lounge upstairs to set up the interview.

Meghan and I rummage through the kitchen and the storage room just behind it. After attempts at creating tubing with pasta and string, Styrofoam and cat-5 internet cable, finally we discover that a sharp knife will turn mayonnaise tub lids and gravy take-away lids into the circular shapes we need. The internet cables help to give strength to the gravy lids. Duct tape holds the circular pieces together.

Sunanda and I cut up the gold fabric into thin strips and wrap the plastic lids with the shimmering gold, held together by the needle and thread and the hot glue gun we had brought from Toronto. After a few hours of focused work, a new version of Natamba’s wig is born, one that is now made especially for this North Pole adventure.

It is 2:30am. Lisa and Louisa have long since completed the interview and returned home. We pack up the last bits of gear in preparation for a quick start in the morning. Now we must get some sleep. In just four hours we will rise to make the trek of a lifetime to the top of the world.