The Gift in Adversity

THE GIFT IN ADVERSITY

I just returned from being in England over the past few weeks. On a professional level, it was an excellent, full on time performing and teaching, moving my projects forward, meeting great people and finding out more about the world and myself. But what I learned was beyond all of this.

The day after my first show at the Mind Body Spirit Festival in London, I developed severe laryngitis. This may seem like a tragedy for one who uses her voice to perform and teach. But for one who has made a promise to the spiritual path, I know that the universe has an amazing way of keeping us honest and on path. Adversity is nothing other than a gift in disguise.

As I allowed myself to soften into the physical and emotional discomfort I felt having absolutely no voice, I found myself inundated with memories from what seemed to be a past life memory in London dying of consumption (tuberculosis). At that time, my lungs were full of fluid. I could not breathe, and I felt silent in my ability to voice feelings of powerlessness. In the present, what lingered was resentment of having died in a state of sorrow. So I welcomed these feelings as part of healing my laryngitis.

However, my memories did not stop there. As we toured through England, I was also reminded of another time in the UK when water filled my lungs. I had stones tied to my feet and was being drowned for my beliefs, likely when I was a healer, accused of being a witch. In that lifetime, I also died with water-filled lungs, with unspoken beliefs.

As my laryngitis moved into bronchitis, I had every opportunity to meet these emotions and send myself love and understanding so that I could deeply heal. In the bustle of the full on 18 hour a day schedule I had there, there was little room for formal sitting meditation practice, which I believe if I had had, I would not have fallen ill. I needed the inner space to process what was arising. Release through my body was the only way it could be expressed, due to my busy-body schedule. 

Being in England with fever and illness was an opportunity for me to forgive and let go at a deep, soul level. In the present, my business meetings were fruitful, people supportive, shows and workshops excellent (one was even sold out) and products sold. Spiritually, I was being asked to come more fully into the present. The fears I carried from those past experiences were colouring the here and now.

As I walked through the British streets, rode the London tube, watched the people come and go, I consciously had to remind myself it was 2013 and I was physically free and breathing freely and had the freedom to say what and how I felt.

I understand time to be like Russian dolls, each moment inside the other, not linear like we think time to be. There is no past or future, but an eternal now in which all unfolds simultaneously.

Whatever arises for us in the moment, as we practice mindful awareness, is exactly where we need to be. For me, it was in healing the past to be fully present and allow myself to grieve and heal.

Who knows what my next trip to the UK will bring. For that matter, who knows what the next moment will bring. That does not matter. I feel grateful for the opportunities I did experience and am open to what unfolds.

May we each have the courage in each moment to meet it as it is, without reservation, without judgment so that we may shine the eternal light we truly are.

Enjoy each moment,

Parvati

From Resentment to Forgiveness - Part 1: Touching Painful Emotion

FROM RESENTMENT TO FORGIVENESS AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE 

 

Happy Easter! 

 

At this time of year, as winter begins to thaw, we become aware of new beginnings, renewals, rebirths, and the return of life through spring. However, as the blanket of snow melts and disappears, we may not quite yet see the hope of budding new flowers. Usually we first see murky mud that was hidden just below our frozen sight. 

 

As spring energy moves through us, our bodies begin to crave more cleansing foods like bitter greens and salads. Our psyches too go through a cleanse. Spring energy invites us to see more clearly aspects of ourselves that were hidden from view.

 

As you may know if you have been reading my blog, I am an avid meditation practitioner. My daily practice is a time of insight and personal integration. It is a way I see deeper without attachment and let go of that which no longer serves. It is a sort of daily spring cleanse and renewal for my body and soul.

 

PART 1: TOUCHING PAINFUL EMOTIONS

 

This week, I touched some deeper parts of my psychological basement that I feel were brought to the light of spring so that they could undergo their own process of rebirth and renewal. What arose, as my mind grew quiet, was the awareness of a field of resentment that had been hiding from my sight. So I gently welcomed it, and went deeper into it. After my meditation practice, I wrote in my diary:

 

“Resentment is a choice that only hurts myself. It does not change the circumstances or the other person whom I may resent. It festers in me like an uncovered wound that swells with rot.”

 

During my practice, I was present for these emotions. I became aware of a painful incident in my life I had not yet fully integrated. The event had hurt my feelings. So through the process of meditation, I was able to go back to that scene and learn to see the event as it was, without narrative, without attachment, without judgment, and integrate the teachings it had for me all along. 

 

There is no doubt that in this incident, I had not been treated kindly. That was not the question that left me feeling resentful. Instead, I was left wondering what was I to do about the feelings of being hurt. I felt powerless and hard done by and that made me feel resentful. 

 

I will share next Sunday, in “Part 2: Unveiling Resentment: Seeing Clearly”, how I began to deal with these feelings.

 

Until then, consider some of the resentments you may carry. 

 

Have a great week and enjoy!

Parvati