Sacred Sexuality: Beyond Wanting - Part 4: The Body Channel - The Art of Love

(Continued from Wanting Fulfillment or Open to Divine Love)

What channel are we choosing to tune into and amplify when we mate? Whatever our state of consciousness at the time of sexual interaction, that consciousness is amplified by the act of sex. If we are wanting, seeking fulfillment and brimming with desire, we will feel satisfied temporarily from our climax, then ultimately feel empty once again and want more. The cycle of wanting then continues.

 

But if we approach sex from the point of view of the sacred, from a place of mindfulness and a practice of the release of wanting, most guys will say at first that they can’t get it up, and women will not know how to be sexy because they are so used to seducing or playing hard to get. Once the cat and mouse games or prey/predator games fall away, we are left with our naked self, our inner being, raw, vulnerable and real. Ok, you may ask, so what is so sexy about that!? That is when real lovemaking begins.

 

When we allow ourselves to let go of wanting the other to fill us up, when we let ourselves be real, as we are, another energy comes through our body and being. It will charge our entire being with a presence, a force that is absolutely free of wanting. We feel open, grounded, free, humble and powerful – zero and everything. It is as through our body, heart and soul simultaneously flower in reverential awe of the moment. This force is an exquisite expression of the flower of life itself.

 

Sacred sexuality is not about “me” wanting “you”, or “you” wanting “me”, or two people pleasuring themselves and each other. These temporary wants will come and go and will leave each person with the same sense of emptiness they were consciously or unconsciously trying to fill up through the other. Sacred sexuality is about the body being a vehicle for the divine. Beyond the grip of personality, the partners are open, present, and willing portals of the divine in human form. In this state, there is no desire to climax, in fact, perhaps a moving away from such. Should this force begin to arise, those who are keen practitioners of sacred sexuality will know that this is a sign that wanting is also rising, and interference has come. Practitioners must wait for that wanting to pass in order to proceed.

 

In sacred sexuality, there is the absence of desire, and the fullness of life itself. The whole body-being begins to feel like a sex organ, alive and pulsing with life. Spiritual bliss replaces orgasm and it is not limited to physical contact or genital stimulation. It is a spiritual lasting state that is not conditional upon action. The spine is a conduit for life force energy that pulses energy through every cell. There are no wild multiple orgasms that make you fabulously funky, and proud of your spiritual prowess. In sacred sexuality there is a genuine merging with the One. The mind is calm, clear and fully alert, yet relaxed. The body is present, open, gentle and very strong. This is a yogic state. This is a path to the divine.

 

Sacred sexuality is the expression of sexual energy without wanting. This is the embodiment of life force. It is a co-creation with the Cosmic Intelligence and Nature. It can be expressed with the self through the fulfillment of one’s destiny. It is when the Divine is incarnate. It can also be expressed through self with self-sex. But this may lead to trickiness because the physical body, being the heaviest vibration of our entire being, also houses and triggers our deepest attachments and our most profound wants.

The same is true with sex with others, be it same sex or heterosexual. Sex is to be free of wanting if we are to touch the divine. When wanting is absent, one has the experience of true presence, and this alone, with or without touch, can be soulfully orgasmic. It is a question of openness, readiness and willingness to be seen wholly, as we are without façade, fears and ego. A simple, connected gaze can lead our entire being into a different, expanded realm, one more real than what our limited perceptions and habitual personality would want us to see and believe. Sacred sexuality is not about or limited to genitalia. Sacred sex is about the force of life that flowers through the soul, meeting spirit through the body. It electrifies this moment into the fullness of being. It is living our fullest potential, realizing our magnificence and being divine incarnate. Sacred sexuality is not about the act of sex, but about reverential acknowledgement and humble awe at the spiritual force that flows through life, that we only know when we are willing to become quietly, lovingly spacious, unbound and free of all sense of disconnection.

 

Sacred Sexuality: Beyond Wanting - Part 3: Wanting Fulfillment or Open to Divine Love

(Continued from Body Language)

 

Sex is part of the cycle of life. It is a sacred thing. When the sacred is confused for the fulfillment of desires, confusion begins. The sacred does not fulfill our desires. It does not give us all we want but gives us what we need. The divine shows us the ways in which we identify with feeling disconnected and shows us a way to return to our more authentic state of wholeness.

 

It is not up to our lovers, husbands, wives and partners to make us whole. It is up to us to turn our attention to the divine and tap into that eternal light. It is our job to focus on and celebrate the divine within our partners, and forgive their shadow, as we too have shadows.

 

When we engage in sexuality, it is a time for heightened consciousness, not the release of such. When we let go of our spiritual attention and engage in sexuality, we amplify our already present tendency to want. Whenever there is wanting, there is interference. When we want through sex, we become downloading stations for interference and amplify our own state of disconnection. Though a momentary feeling of bliss through orgasm feels great, most of us have no idea what really went on in the unseen while we temporarily reached such heights.

 

When we feel whole, relaxed and are willing to be free of wanting while we engage sexually, sex becomes an opportunity to release wanting at its root so that we may feel closer to the divine. Sex then is not about peaks, highs and lows, but about a rooted, vital and expansive exploration of life force, while letting go of our ego so that we may return to the One state of pure consciousness.

 

Understanding the force that runs through sexuality helps us eventually learn to touch the sacred everywhere. Historically, the enlightened ones do not engage sexually to meet the divine, but seem to go into bliss just at the sight of a flower, or from the simple touch of Kleenex. The divine is everywhere and the opportunity to find lasting, expansive bliss is also everywhere.

 

Through our human form, we have been given a gift that sacred texts tell us is universally unmatched. Since the body has the capacity to be a conduit for the divine, channeling the pure consciousness of the Cosmic Intelligence into Nature and form, we are charged with the ability to tap into power that is so much greater than our limited sense perceptions and tricks of our ego. We can tap into the power of the infinite through sexuality and embody our true nature, only as long as we are willing to let go of wanting. Wanting is our human super-power kryptonite. Watch for it. Whatever we channel through our sexual act takes shape on our planet.

 

(Continues with The Body Channel: The Art of Love)

Sacred Sexuality: Beyond Wanting - Part 2: Body Language

(Continued from Sex and Spirituality)

 

Whether we are heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, a polygamist, a monogamist, or celibate, our physical body is part of a vast, multidimensional whole. What we do, think, feel, taste, smell and touch is never limited in isolation to our immediate sense of self, but has ripple effects throughout the entire universe.

 

When we communicate, we take in and impart information. For most, this is thought of as a verbal exchange. But for those who are sensitive to otherness, we understand that there is no such thing as purely verbal information. In addition to what we speak, we are also sharing our emotional presence, all the contents of our body language, the subtle innuendos, and our vibrational intentions.

 

When we share with someone, we are in contact not just with the physical being that we see, but with all that person’s past thoughts, experiences and actions, as well as all energies with which they have been in contact. We are in touch with the totality of their soul's evolutionary journey. Even when we are physically alone, we are never truly alone. Whatever we think, feel or do, we are continually in communication with an immense universe that comes home to us through our physical body.

 

The body is literally a channel for unseen forces. We know we need to take care to communicate appropriately when we share our ideas and our heart, whether silently to ourselves, thoughtfully through prayer or orally to others. We know we must be attentive to our audience and communicate appropriately so that we may be understood and so we may fully feel connected.

 

The same is true with sex. It is a form of communication, communication with self, and/or with other(s). Sexuality in the positive possibilities is about receptivity and trust, because in order to fully meet the divine, that is, the pure consciousness that runs through our being, and share in its presence that runs through everything, we must lay down our ego, rest in humility and let go of wanting. This takes spiritual maturity.

 

If we were deeply honest with ourselves and looked courageously into the recesses of our psyche, we would find that for most, sex is an expression of seeking external fulfillment, getting or giving to get, which are forms of our ego attempting to gain approval, feel safe and find control. Sex for most is a form of trying to find connections while feeling disconnected. Even when we feel we love someone, we need to be careful we are not still seeking their approval, playing out childhood patterns and being inauthentic in the moment. In this way, the sober truth is that for most, sex is more of an expression of the impossibilities, because it often comes from a place of scarcity, wanting and lack, rather than genuine and pure love.

 

Just like anything in the universe, when we approach life from a perspective of lack, we will continue to feel unfulfilled no matter how many fast cars we buy, how many shiny shoes are in our closets, how big our house is, or how many multiple orgasms we have. Unless we embody the courage to face our inner emptiness and switch internal dials so that we may let go of our inner wounds that tell us we are unloved and unlovable, we will not find the fullness we ultimately seek. Similar to the rules of abundance that tells us that riches cannot be made from feeling not enough, we cannot meet the eternal and divine through sexuality if we are in a disconnected state of wanting. Love comes when we love ourselves.

 

Sex transmits information. It is a form of communication - communing with self, others and otherness. It brings us beyond our limited sense of self and opens us to something else, be it the divine, or more wanting. (As a transmitter, sex also gives us STDs, which sadly have affected many, many people all around the world.)

 

When we look at sex from a spiritual perspective, we also understand that sex transmits information from the unseen to the seen. When we are spiritually centered, we realize that sexuality opens a multidimensional portal and has the capacity to transmit beauty, peace, joy, as well as unseen STDs, that is, interference patterns that take root in our physical form.

 

When I was living in Montreal and ran a yoga studio there, I went away one weekend on a meditation retreat by myself for personal recharge. When I came back, I was greeted by my then boyfriend and a swirling array of women I could see in his energy field... three to be exact. As soon as I saw him, I exclaimed, "Who are these women?” I knew he had been unfaithful to our monogamous relationship while I was away. I could see their energy imprint in his energy field. I knew that if we were to be intimate again, I would be interacting with him, his unseen field, as well as all those with whom he had been in contact. For me, the spiritual path is complicated enough, full of promise and pitfalls. Engaging in such complicated and unclear energy systems was not for me, so we parted ways.

 

That partner and I practiced at that time what most people popularly understood to be Tantra. It is from experiences like that relationship and others that I came to develop a deeper understanding of Tantra and know intimately the power of sexuality to touch the divine or to add complication to our lives. Sex can support our evolution if the energy is handled with absolute awareness and true understanding of wanting and desire. For most, sex either keeps us in cycles of wanting providing temporary highs, like white sugar rushes that do not ultimately feed our soul and body/being, or (when sexual desire is misunderstood as love, rather than seen as tricky wanting) it adds layers of complications to our path, and brings into our body/being energies from which we will eventually, in this life or the next, need to release.

 

(Continues tomorrow with Wanting Fulfillment or Open to Divine Love)

Wanting and Spiritual Materialism: How Not To Feed The Greed

Wanting and Spiritual Materialism

 

Over the last couple of weeks, I received a variety of emails from people who read my recent blog entries on Tantra. Some were delighted to have greater clarity on the subject, feeling inspired by the idea of the body as a vehicle for the divine and an opportunity to practice witnessing pitfalls along the path. Others felt confused and upset at the idea that Tantra is not a sexual free-for-all. This pushed the button of their attachment to their libido. Everything that pushes our buttons gives us an opportunity to see ourselves in a new way. Aspects of our shadows are being highlighted for us to see, showing us ways in which we are attached to unfulfilled desires that may be outdated or may need voicing.

 

We all have unfulfilled desires. Many spiritual environments become a feeding ground for these, where practitioners may be wearing flowing clothes and chanting prayers, but feeling inwardly tied in knots. Wanting is insidious and we must be aware of it - whether we are in the office, following our creative voice, practicing bendy poses on our yoga mats, or exploring sexuality in our bedrooms.

 

We want. We want more. We get. But it is not enough. So we want more. In a perpetual cycle of wanting, we consciously and unconsciously feed into a human tendency for greed. We feel it is our right to get, so we want. Unaware of how it all started or what makes it continue, we seek external things to temporarily quell the hungry lizards in our bellies and brains, until yet again, we want more.

 

Most of us are unaware that we spend much of the time in a state of wanting, because it is a deeply unconscious part of how we operate. Part of the process of enlightenment seems to be shedding light into areas that are in shadow. Seeing aspects of ourselves that are disconnected can be an uncomfortable process, especially if we feel we have things figured out, we want things to be a certain way, or we are simply attached to wanting.

 

Greed is everywhere. It is easy to see greed present in our consumer world. As spiritual aspirants, we are also asked to witness the tendency for greed in our spiritual pursuits, wanting to be yogis, wanting to find liberation. Fueled by good intentions, our wants don’t end up supporting our evolution, but instead perpetuate a feeling of being disconnected from the perfection of the now. If you have not yet read “Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism” by Shambhala founder Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, it is a classic book on the shadow of the spiritual path, a practical guide for seekers of truth.

 

Though I am not a practicing Christian, I was raised in a Christian home and go to church on high holidays; and the Bible is among the spiritual texts that feed my inner life. To me, the famous Psalm 23: “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want,” speaks of the way we return to wholeness when we turn our hearts to the divine. Wanting ceases. We feel fulfilled in the moment because we are, in truth, in a unified state with pure consciousness, rather than temporarily believing that we are lost, divided and alone.

 

The ego is a tricky and hungry thing that has power only when we feed it. But sometimes – even often - we are unaware we are doing so. Just as a chameleon can change colour to blend with its surrounding, so too our ego can shift and fool us to suit our desires. We may think we are evolving when in fact we are unconsciously justifying our self-serving ego.

 

Our feeling of being disconnected is at the root of our suffering. Wanting feeds our feeling of being disconnected and incomplete. We want, because we feel lack. We wanted a perfect mommy or daddy to make us feel special when we were children, and we still seek that mommy or daddy in our material acquisitions, in our spiritual pursuits, in our friends and life partners.

 

EXERCISE

 

Take a look this week at how wanting is present in your life. I have spoken much of practicing non-resistance to what is in past blogs. Wanting is the exact opposite of non-resistance. When we want, we are either pushing the flow or resisting it. We are in a state of disconnect, feeling lack and wanting more. There is nothing wrong with the desire for fulfillment, when it comes from a relaxed place of joy. When it comes from lack, we are trying to fill ourselves up from a place that does not believe we can be fulfilled, so the cycle continues.

 

It is natural to desire a nice job, car, home, or loving partner. But when we feel that we are not OK without them, then those things possess us, hold us in some way. They become temporary gap fillers and will not bring us the lasting happiness we truly seek. The desire for them will bring about not joy, but suffering.

 

Look for wanting in your life. Begin to notice it at work, at home, with your friends, with family and spouse. Notice it also in your sex life (or absence of one). Wanting has a heyday in the land of the libido. Next week, I will take a look at the power of sex and where sexuality and spirituality meet.

 

Until next Sunday, be well.

Parvati

Ask Parvati 41: The Power of the Inner Child - Part 3: Let The Child Take You Home

(Continued from "An Apple in an Orange Grove")

 

Recently I was out with a friend in a mall. She was asking me a similar question, feeling a bit stuck with her attachments to her family. I said to her, look around. Beside us is not a 24 year old guy and a 35 year old woman but a two year old boy and a three year old girl. This mall is full of two and three year olds. Many of the fundamental decisions we make every day likely come from our unconscious mind, that is, the unresolved inner child that continues to rule our life until we give it the love and attention it needs and turn towards the Divine, the source of unconditional love. Anyone who has tried setting long term goals knows this to be true. We need to have our unconscious mind in alignment with our conscious mind, or else we inevitably meet an inner saboteur and fail. That is because our unconscious mind is ultimately in charge. Our primary commitments live in the depth of our unconscious, so we had best befriend these in order to evolve.

 

Most of us live with a buried inner child, held captive by the grip of our ego that is committed to getting limited power through whatever means it can, such as people pleasing, power plays, expectations and disappointments, lofty then thwarted dreams -- anything to keep the wanting mommy and daddy dynamic alive, that is, the wanting to find the infinite in the finite.

 

Our inner child is the summation of the joys, dreams and wounds we carried from our previous lives and our life in this incarnation. He/she is connected to the voice of our soul. Because in truth we are children of the infinite, our inner child remembers the purity of that connection. When we listen to our inner child, he/she can lead us there.

 

We can easily blame our parents, our circumstance, our life out there that is "happening to me" for our hurts and unhappiness. Then, we are like sour apples in an orange grove. Or we can hold our parents or external things in the highest light, making them like gods, thinking that those oranges are so much better than our apple-self, our authentic nature. Only when we see our parents and all external sources of happiness as they truly are, in their temporal humanity, beautiful and frail, perfect and flawed, can we be the apples we are and leave the orange grove, so we may blossom in our own apple orchard.

 

We need to leave the illusion of the finite being infinite in order for us to contact our true self. This process is the process of coming into contact and healing our inner child. Through the eye of our inner child, we can reconnect to the infinite, which we once knew implicitly. Our inner child, in essence, guides us home to wholeness.

 

What we experience in our lives is a reflection of our core beliefs and our previous karmic tendencies. Our parents and our current life, that was created by the choices we have made since infancy, are a reflection of these, all the while guided by a loving universe to help us see the errors in our ways, the root of ignorance we carry as well as the love we truly are.

 

The wounds we experience from childhood are like ruptures in the mirage of finite perfection, so that we can break through our slumber and attachments to ignorant wanting, that keeps us disconnected. This happens so we may return to the one source of true unconditional love. In this way, love always was, even through the painful moments, even when we thought it was not. Love always is. Just ask your inner child. Those sparkling, deep, infinite eyes are still with you. Look deeply. Look deeper still. There you will find your inner child with open arms, ready to take you home. If you need some help contacting your inner child, you may refer to the exercise given in my Be A Mother To Yourself post.

 

Much peace to you,

Parvati

 

PS. A reminder that Thursday is the deadline to send your questions for the next Ask Parvati. In the meantime, stay tuned for the next issue of Parvati Magazine.

Ask Parvati 36: Compromise, Acceptance and Getting the Love You Want - Part 5: Getting The Love You Need

GETTING THE LOVE YOU NEED

(Continued from Getting The Love You Want)

 

 

Relationships are a path for personal growth. In my opinion, they can be a fast track way for spiritual growth. Perhaps some of you have had the experience of feeling great when you are on your own, but when you get into a relationship, all of a sudden you find out all sorts of areas for personal growth as your shadow gets provoked. None of that seemed to exist when you were on your own. So where did it come from? The ego assumes it must be your partner, so you conclude you're with the wrong partner. Truth is, these vasanas (or negative tendencies) were within you all along and have been simply triggered by the relationship.

 

Of course, it is healthy to be in a relationship where you find the support and safety you need to explore and ultimately release these vasanas. This is why a healthy relationship is more like a co-creative workshop for spiritual growth than a walk in the park. They amplify our shadow and our potential. They bring out hidden tendencies and show us who we truly are. When we are willing to accept the fuel for growth and let our ego guard down, the workshop begins to feel more like a walk in the park, as we become more spiritually fit.

 

I have had my fair share of a range of relationship experiences, some painfully scary and others tender and divine. In hindsight, I can see in that all the while, I was being taught exactly what I needed to learn in exactly the way I needed to learn it. Sometimes when we resist lessons, life heats up the teachings and we find ourselves in painful situations. The intensity of the lesson may be a measure of our resistance to learning and the hardness of our ego. If we meet a relationship with humility, these tough lessons soften and our learning and evolution increases.

 

I have found when I am willing to let go of the grip of my ego and live in service to the creative flow, this moment as it is right now, I touch a level of love and joy that is not conditional upon circumstance. This is something I can choose. I can tap into that flow at any time.

 

Our partners may push our buttons, but the buttons are ours. Our old patterns exist within ourselves. They are not found inside the other person.

 

I believe it is humbling and healthy to know that we will be triggered at some point or another until we reach enlightenment. The triggers persist because they are part of our attachments to “mine”, the part of the human psyche that divides and individuates. Similarly our partner has the same tendencies. When we understand this, we can soften to what may seem intense, unfair, or "against me" in the moment and open to a bigger picture. We can laugh more at our tendency to grasp and push. We can let go and flow with greater joy.

 

No one person, no matter how perfect, could fill up a hole in our psyche. In some sense, it is not even really fair to ask that of anyone. No one person could make our distorted perceptions right. Maybe by their not giving us what we feel we want in the moment, we go inside and find it from our capacity for self-love and from our relationship with the Divine. Maybe by not being given the exact right response that we feel we want in this moment to make life seem perfectly shiny, maybe we are being given the greatest gift we could get. In that moment, we see our attachments to how we want life to be, rather than how life is. In that moment, our “me-ness” cracks a little, and a fissure of light slips in. We can see, in perfect reflection, our wanting, how our ego wants things to be a certain way to feel temporarily loved.

 

In truth, we are always loved. Our perception of such gets eclipsed, and we forget. That is ok. When we don’t get what we want, we have a chance to see what we really need. We have an opportunity to turn our awareness to the reality that we are already whole, loved, connected and interconnected to an intelligent whole that is far greater than our limited ego or will. We just temporarily got caught up, in the smallness of “me” and forgot the expanse of “I Am”. Our partner too is part of that intelligent whole. And whether our partner knows it or not, he/she just gave us a gift back home, to the One undivided state of continual bliss. Not bad for a relationship, huh?

 

Today is the last day to submit your question to be answered for next week's blog. Please send yours to ask@parvatidevi.com.

I will post a new blog topic in answer to one of your questions throughout next week starting this Sunday.

Thanks for reading!

Be well till then,

Parvati

Ask Parvati 36: Compromise, Acceptance and Getting the Love You Want - Part 4: Getting The Love You Want

GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT

(Continued from Acceptance and Insight)

 

Intimate relationships can be complex. We say we want to find love, yet we are often attracted to people from whom we find it hard to get what we feel we need. Some psychotherapists suggest that unconsciously, we seek to fix the wounds of our childhood through our intimate partners. It is like we want our mummy or we want our daddy through them. In fact, certain theories suggest that our unseen wounds help us find our "perfect" match. The problem is, the person we find at first to be "perfect", turns out to re-enact the very pains we experienced as a child. One morning, we wake up to find that we are not in relationship with our ideal mate, but with a replica of our clingy mother or our aggressive father. Then we ask, how did we get here? Unhappy, we push against what we see and inadvertently move into power struggles, trying to fix the other person, who once seemed to fill us up just the way we needed. We think of breaking up and may even choose to do so. Or we choose silent resignation, because, unwilling to risk change, we sum up that this is just the way relationships are - tough.

 

We are told we cannot change the other person, but can only change ourselves. Then what are we to do when we find our partner is not who we thought them to be? Do we break up, time and time again, until we find the one perfect person, with whom we interact perfectly? In search for the ideal, life could soon feel like a never-ending chase for Mr. Perfect or Miss Right. So we ask ourselves, do we stay unhappy in power struggles or in silent resignation, saying this is just what couples do?

 

In the absence of what we feel we want from our significant other, we are offered a tremendous gift to find what we may truly need to become whole. We are offered something that does not exist outside of ourselves in another person, to touch something that comes uniquely from the infinite. We cannot find this perfection from another person, who is limited and not whole. We can find it through inner awakening, when we embrace the perfection of this moment, and reside in the expansive experience of being the very fabric of life itself: love.

 

"Okay," you say. "What does that mean? My partner still drives me crazy!"

I say, You are love.

You say, "But I don’t feel loved."

I say, How can you feel loved when you don’t experience yourself as love itself? How can something broken, truly feel whole? It is only in the receptivity to and the realization of wholeness that we can feel whole. One who feels he/she wants to be filled up, because he/she feels broken, will not be filled up, but will only find temporary fixes that soften the pain of separation from the One source of infinite love.

 

When we realize that what we think is love is not love but wanting, we start to find the love we always hoped to find. What we call love is often attachments to forms of emotional bartering. They are more like contractual arrangements to suit our limited ego perception of reality. As such, they are bound to leave us empty and wanting more.

 

When we don't find the love we want, we are called to remember that we are to return to the One, the permanent, undivided state with the source of life. When we don't find the love we want, we are called to remember that we are love. It is our attachment to illusion that makes us think anything else.

 

These illusions are part of psychological distortions we carry from previous incarnations. We then attract the perfect family to exacerbate our disconnected tendency, to help us see it, so we may release our attachment to it and return to love. As children, we were dependent on our imperfect parents for our needs. But they were not one with the pure source of love, so they were bound to err. We then take that personally as a sign that love is imperfect. So we seek to fix that in our intimate relationships, seeking a fix for a disconnected wound we have from childhood (and previous incarnations). This is why we unconsciously look for mummy or daddy in our partners, so we can fix that deep wound.

 

But ultimately, we come to see that mom and dad were imperfect and so are all humans. Our source of love cannot depend on others, because everyone is flawed. Everyone will let us down at some point or another, if we expect them to be perfect. We are imperfect. So are others. This is why we are called through intimate relationships to tap into the source of love we are, not try to "get love" from outside.

 

So at some point our "perfect" partner will not give us what we want and let us down. We could keep looking for someone who will. And maybe that next relationship would be good -- up until we face our own feeling of inner lack.

 

Relationships are not meant to bring us infinite happiness. Only we can give that to ourselves. They are not meant to give us all the love we need. Only we can tap into that ourselves. So then why be in a relationship?

 

We will look at that question in Getting the Love you Need in tomorrow's entry.

See you then,

Parvati

 

PS: Don't forget tomorrow is the last day to submit your question to be answered for next week's blog. Please send yours to ask@parvatidevi.com.

A Life of Charity

A LIFE OF CHARITY

I am about to head down to St. Petersburg, Florida where I will be performing to headline the St Pete Yoga Festival. So think of me next Saturday night, October 22nd, and send lots of happy thoughts of fun and delight. I will be sending you the very same. The following day, I will be teaching a YEM: Yoga as Energy Medicine workshop, then a full day workshop that week.

Performing is a great joy of mine, sharing the love I have for music, singing through a vibrant array of colours, movement and sounds. I am happy with my show and thoroughly enjoy it. I can't wait to share the new costumes with you. They are stellar! (Big thank you to Sunanda for that!)

Throughout the week, I will be in rehearsal with dancers/yoginis I will meet there. I have never met them before, let alone worked with them. They have been reviewing the choreography for my show, which we will go over and weave together this week, in preparation for the big night. So this week will be full of rehearsals for me, directing, blocking, coming up with alternate choreography, supporting technical lighting work and art directing. Then, on the night, I let all that go and step into the role of the artist, embody my character Natamba and perform. The life of an independent artist involves wearing many hats!

This show is a fundraiser for Embracing The World. Embracing the World is a not-for-profit international collective of charities founded by renowned spiritual and humanitarian leader, Sri Mata Amritanandamayi Devi, also lovingly known simply as Amma, or Mother.

Embracing the World exists to help alleviate the burden of the world's poor through helping to meet each of their five basic needs - food, shelter, education, healthcare and livelihood - wherever and whenever possible. The organization is founded on the belief that these needs are fundamental human rights, and that it is the responsibility of each of us to strive to ensure that one day every human being can live in dignity, safety, security and peace. The organization acknowledges that everyone - rich or poor - has the power to make a difference in the life of another. No selfless gesture is insignificant. Rather, it is selfless actions that hold the key to true peace - peace in the individual, peace in the community, and peace among diverse cultures, nations and faiths. For me, it is a true honour to support this remarkable, inspired organization.

Volunteer work and actions done with no desire for reward form the foundation of spiritual practice. We have all heard, when we give we receive. It is a popular saying because it is true. For spiritual aspirants, one of the quickest ways to realize the divine is through karma yoga, the practice of selfless service.

If you wish to overcome the interference energy of wanting and target it at its root, practice karma yoga. When you redirect your energy to giving rather than getting, to serving rather than wanting, your entire biochemistry changes and begins to vibrate at a higher rate. You feel more connected and fulfilled in ways never imagined. A richness begins to grow deep within that banishes unhappiness, permanently.

If you have not already, participate in your local food banks, shelters, old age homes and hospitals. Volunteer and get involved. Do it just because it shakes things up and asks you to look at life differently. There is nothing like volunteering to ward off complacency. You can also participate in an organization like Embracing The World by sending your charitable donations. By choosing to spend your money wisely, you can give opportunities to those who are far less fortunate than we are. What you give comes back to you multifold, in ways you cannot imagine.

This week, we launch the November issue of Parvati Magazine. I will let you know here when it is up and live. Make sure you check it out. It will be your blog food while I am away performing. There are great articles from a wide range of people.

I have answered an Ask Parvati question this week, but will post it next Sunday since I will be away. Once I return from the show, I will post my next Ask Parvati blog on October 30th. So please do keep sending your questions to ask@parvatidevi.com.

Enjoy!

Parvati

Ask Parvati 31: Relationship Complications - Part 5, Moving Through Depression And Attracting The Love You Want

PART FIVE: MOVING THROUGH DEPRESSION AND ATTRACTING THE LOVE YOU WANT
(Continued from Letting Go of Wounds)

Question: It seems I have this pending topic 12 years ago and I fell on a depression state but in that moment I didn't follow a therapy or anything. How can I deal with that and start trusting myself and a possible future partner, from a difference perspective out of ego?
It hurts so bad and I feel blackened...

My answer: If you still struggle with depression, it is best to work with a trained therapist to help support your healing. I would also suggest taking a look at the blog entries I wrote in the past specifically on depression and despair. You may find them very useful.

We are only going to attract the partner that we wish to have in our life, once we have found a true loving connection with ourself. I leave that as a single paragraph to emphasize how important this is! We are only going to attract the partner that we wish to have in our life once we have found a true loving connection to ourself. So important!

We all have to face a deep wound: feeling lack of love. It seems to be part of the human condition. The problem is, most people think that another person is going to fill their need for love. But that will never work. We look for that perfect person, but remain unfulfilled. Even if we find the person we think we wanted, eventually, we find out that it too leaves us feeling empty. The emptiness inside can only be filled by ourselves and our relationship to the Divine. No one but ourselves can do that. We must cultivate self-love in order to love.

So my sense is you must work on developing your own sense of self-worth and self-love in order to be in a lasting relationship. Relationships are not two halves making a whole. That will not last. Relationships are two whole people coming together to celebrate the gift of life. The love and respect they feel for themselves is amplified in their connection. The other one does not fill the other up. Each one already is full, ready to share, learn and grow. It is a bit like how a fruit needs to ripen before it is savoured. We must each ripen in our own way to be ready to truly love. To have a solid, loving, lasting relationship, we must learn to love ourselves.

From my experience, in a committed relationship for the past seven years (my anniversary comes up this month), even when we meet our partner with fullness, there is lots of room for growth. A partnership is like two universes coming together. Jointly, we co-create possibility. If we are not ripe in ourselves, if we are wanting, we will co-create impossibilities and pull each other down. We must be rooted in the positive possibilities of being, in order to co-create with another person in the positive possibilities. Then, when the proverbial "shit hits the fan" and we encounter conflict, we can look at the conflict from a healthy, rooted and expansive point of view, not one that threatens our very existence. If our self esteem revolves around another person loving us, we have placed our relationship to ourselves in something that is non-permanent and bound to change and cause pain. If our self-love is founded on our relationship with the Divine, then we have a rooted sense of self that is fed by the infinite. We then begin to see relationship as a spacious process of shared witnessing. We each are called in a co-creative relationship, to witness each other's fullness of being with delight and joy, and to be compassionately present when there is suffering and the opportunity for growth. That process of witnessing is the foundation of eternal love.

I go over the issue of self love and relationships in depth in the blog entry "I Suck, Please Love Me".

Thank you for this week's questions. I hope you have found my answers useful in some way.

Don't forget that today is the last day to send in your questions to be drawn by lottery for next week's blog topic. Please send in your questions to ask@parvatidevi.com.

Have a wonderful weekend,
Parvati

Ask Parvati 28: Enlightenment and Emotions - Part 4: Body, Mind, Emotion and Compassion

PART 4: BODY, MIND, EMOTION AND COMPASSION

(Continued from What Is The Mind?)

“When the self-created wall of the ego is lifted, you will realize that the dualistic nature of the world is only an external appearance, and that, in essence, everything is a whole, a single unity.” - Amma

When we “want”, we are directed by the energies of our mind and ego. When we are directed by our ego, we inevitably suffer. We can hurt ourselves and we can even hurt others. Our mind does not liberate us. Identifying with our mind restricts us and causes us pain.

Eckhart Tolle’s statement is succinct and clear: “Pain is inevitable as long as you are identified with your mind.” In our process of enlightenment, we learn to slowly dissolve the grip of our mind so that we may return to the field of pure consciousness and become enlightened.

As we dissolve the grip of the mind and of our ego, we face our emotional landscape. Our emotions exist as a bridge between our body and our mind. They are a way our mind expresses itself through our body. As we allow for more space in our mind, our emotions come more to the surface of our field of awareness. So too does the electrical information of all that is around us, including the emotions others may feel.

Emotions move through our body as a means for us to understand more viscerally our mental reactions to thoughts. When we feel afraid, our heart races. When we feel angry, our temperature rises. We feel in response to our thoughts. But our thoughts are not always pure and clear. In fact, our mind tends to only be a collection of expectations and memories. So our emotions tend to be based on the past and the future.

Emotional maturity is essential along the path to enlightenment. We are sentient beings. We feel. It is part of our nature. Just as with thoughts, there is nothing wrong or bad with emotions. There are painful ones and more pleasant ones. But they too, just like thoughts, are temporal. They are not eternal. They come and go. So just as with thoughts, we learn to find the space between emotions.

When the mind is clear, wisdom may effortlessly arise. Similarly, when our emotions are quiet, we may experience the well of compassion. Compassion is not an emotion, but a state of being. Unlike emotions, it is eternal. It is vast and unbound, unaffected by the temporal. It is a state that arises through the release of our identification with our emotions. Amma says:

"Compassion does not see the faults of others. It does not see the weaknesses of people. It makes no distinction between good and bad people. Compassion cannot draw a line between two countries, two faiths or two religions. Compassion has no ego; thus there is no fear, lust or passion. Compassion simply forgives and forgets. Compassion is like a passage. Everything passes through it. Nothing can stay there. Compassion is love expressed in all its fullness."

As we evolve, we learn to move beyond the chatter of emotional reactions and allow the room for compassion to arise. But first, we must learn to witness the ebb and flow of what is, the tides of emotions that move through us, that move through others, with balance, presence and space.

(Continued tomorrow with The Rise And Fall Of Emotions)

 

REMINDER: Don’t forget that tomorrow (Thursday) is the last day for submissions for this week’s Ask Parvati blog. Send your questions to ask@parvatidevi.com.

 

 

Ask Parvati 28: Enlightenment and Emotions - Part 2: Enlightenment Now

PART 2: ENLIGHTENMENT NOW

(Continued from What Is Enlightenment?)

“Self-realization is the knowing - in body, mind and soul - that we are one with the omnipresence of God; that we do not have to pray that it come to us, that we are not merely near it at all times, but that God's omnipresence is our omnipresence; that we are just as much a part of Him now as we ever will be. All we have to do is improve our knowing.” - Paramahamsa Yogananda

It is my understanding from my meditation practice, and from guidance from great teachers, that our state of unity with the One already exists, but we, for the most part, cannot see it because we are so busy, so caught up with our mind. This is why great masters tell us, it already is, that we can rest into the perfection of the now.

We on the other hand are used to identifying with our mind, to feeling that our ego is in control. We do not allow ourselves to trust and to let go. It is a bit like we are so focused on a tiny speck of cloud, thinking that it is the entire world, we miss the vastness of the sky and the infinite expanse of the universe. Amma describes this attachment to our ego so beautifully:

“Nobody likes to let go of the ego - it is so precious to everyone. However, once you have attained the state of egolessness, the world won't disappear, as you may think it will. The world will continue, but a chance takes place within you. Something is uncovered. You start seeing everything with the wonder and innocence of a child.”

We know that we are evolving, and that through evolution, we change. So we know that change is part of the process of moving towards enlightenment. However, the greats tell us that enlightenment does not actually involve change in the way most of us would think it to mean.

Most of us see change as to mean “be other than you are”, a sort of moving away from and moving towards something else. Yet the enlightened masters tell us that what we seek does not exist “out there”, but only in the infinite expanse of the now. We are told that what we seek is already here. We are told that what we are is already perfection. Great teachers like Eckhart Tolle say, “You find God the moment you realize that you don't need to seek God.”

Those kinds of thoughts can quickly become mentally confusing. Like the famous Zen koan by the Japanese teacher Hakuin Ekaky, “Two hands clap and there is a sound. What is the sound of one hand?” designed to throw a wrench in the mind’s sense of control, statement from the enlightened can leave us feeling confused, our minds reeling. For example, how can we become enlightened and also not change?

Most of us who are seeking to better ourselves or who consider enlightenment as a goal know that we have bad habits that must be overcome in order for us to evolve. In Sanskrit, teachers refer to these as our “vasanas”, our negative tendencies. We know we get ourselves into painful situations and we would like to stop doing so. So how can we already be in a state of perfection?

It seems that most of us get caught up in “wanting” to be other than we are, and therein lies the rub. We “want” to be free. We “want” to be happy. We “want” enlightenment. We “want” to have fewer emotional reactions or more emotional connection, so we live with anticipations and expectations, in dissonance with the fullness of the present moment. How many of us know how to let go and be with what actually is, now?

Eckhart Tolle says, “Life is now. There was never a time when your life was not now, nor will there ever be.”

The benevolent group of channeled guides from the Causal Realm known warmly as The Team beautifully repeat in most of their teachings that we are to practice non-resistance to what is. In previous blog entries, I have explored this idea in many different ways. If we are to move into an enlightened state and flow with emotions with wisdom compassion, we must practice non-resistance to what is.

We tend to live in a push/pull dynamic, resisting what is because we deem it “bad”, or we grab onto it because we deem it “good”. This is what the mind does. It divides. It categorizes. It tries to control, so that we feel important. But we are told that enlightenment is beyond the mind, so we know that somehow, the mind, our thoughts and our ego interfere with the experience of enlightenment.

We speak of the mind easily, as though we understand what it is. But what is the mind? How does it interfere with our evolutionary journey towards the One? And how do we get beyond it?

(Continued tomorrow with What Is The Mind?)

Ask Parvati 27: Addiction - Part 1: Where Is Addiction?

ADDICTION

Dear Parvati,

I have recently been coming to terms with the fact that my parents were alcoholics and I have many tendencies that are typical for adult children of alcoholics. As I come to grips with this, I'm also beginning to see that my partner behaves like someone with an addiction - yet he does not use alcohol or drugs. What is addiction? Is it the inability to stop using something known to be addictive, like alcohol, drugs or cigarettes? Is it addiction if I spend a lot of money on clothes? How can I best support my partner and myself if I am in relationship with an addict? Or if I am one myself?

PART 1: WHERE IS ADDICTION?

Thank you for these important questions. Addiction is very prevalent in our society, I believe far more so than most of us realize. We live in a society with many contradictions. We can praise behavior and habits that may in fact support addiction, and also publicly acknowledge the harmful affects caused by addiction. We consciously speak of the harmful effects of addiction, yet we often bury our heads in the sand when faced with its painful expressions, root and ramifications.

Years ago, there was an excellent article in the Yoga Journal (Nov-Dec 1996) exposing the world’s largest private cancer treatment and research center for heavily investing in the tobacco industry. On one hand, we strive to eliminate diseases; on the other hand, we encourage them. We celebrate many leaders in our entertainment industry, admiring their lives, wishing for their successes; yet too easily ignore the often accompanying struggle with addictions and deviant behavior. Indeed, we are a culture full of paradoxes.

As a musical touring performer who is immersed in the music industry, I have seen how the old paradigm of sex, drugs, rock n’ roll and excess has been glorified. Addiction has taken the lives of many young artists; yet, for the most part, it is the addictive behaviours that seem to make them more popular.

We may think of addiction and think only of someone strung out on crack or someone who lives at a bar. But addiction is much more pervasive and insidious than these more extreme cases. Often unseen and unheard, addiction can seep its way into our lives for years before it becomes a blazing problem we can no longer ignore. I believe this is partly due to the way we socialize, the way we accept and often encourage behavior that feeds addiction.

We commonly accept cigarette smoking as part of society, not questioning it much, not necessarily seeing it as an addiction, yet we also publicly acknowledge its addictive and lethal qualities. Much of our income thrives on the manufacturing and sales of cigarettes and alcohol, which ironically feed addictions that in turn increase medical and social complications.

Though tobacco has a place in the herbal healing arts, as all herbs do, the way it is consumed socially is not medicinal. It feeds addiction and debilitates health. In the same way, though some can argue that small amounts of alcohol can be medicinal, and some like the taste, I believe that the general tendency is to consume alcohol in an attempt to medicate psychological and emotional issues that require clear headed sobriety in order to heal. Native Americans historically called alcohol “fire water”. That was no accident. Alcohol embodies a seductive energy that has the power to fool its user into thinking he or she is in control and can even destabilize an entire culture.

Addictions come in many forms. People can be addicted to drugs, alcohol, pills, sex, gambling, shopping, over- and under-eating to name a few. At the root of addiction is wanting, a hungry force that is never satiated. When we are fueled by wanting, we attempt to medicate and dull uncomfortable emotions though external distractions. Happiness cannot be found this way. Wanting can rule our lives to greater or lesser degrees. Most people have wanting. For an addict, wanting is the way he or she identifies, the way he or she perceives life. If we are to explore addiction and addictive energies in our life, we must be willing to see in which way we have allowed wanting to run our lives.

EXERCISE:

1) Look around you today and observe the way we socially support the notion of wanting in our advertising, in our media, in our interactions, in the way we think.

2) Go within and explore in which way wanting drives your life.

3) Notice the ways your wanting is co-creating with the wanting images and messages around you.

4) See if you are willing to open to the possibility that there is an entire reality beyond wanting, beyond feeling disconnected and lacking. See if you can allow yourself to rest into the notion of perfection in this moment, of being ok with what is.

(Continued tomorrow with What Is Addiction?)

Ask Parvati 13: I Suck. Please Love Me.

I SUCK. PLEASE LOVE ME.

Self-Love and All That Fun Stuff

May 22, 2011

Dear Parvati,

I really want a life partner but just can’t seem to find the right person. I have been told I need to work on my self before I can find my life partner, but I must admit I don’t totally get why. Are we not supposed to grow with our partner? I feel like I need to be somehow perfect to attract the right person into my life. I find all this stressful so I thought you could shed some light on this. Thanks.

Thank you for the question. Most of us grow up with the idea that someone ‘out there’ will come along some day to fill us up. Mesmerized by fairy tale myths of a perfect prince or princess who will transform our lives into magic, we look (and perhaps are looking) for the one person who would make our lives perfect and bring us the happiness we feel we have been deeply missing.

Just like with all fairy tales, “real life” is something different. For the most part, what we commonly call love is some form of unspoken contractual relationships, where “if I act in a certain way, I will get this and that from you, and vice versa”. Contracts are not love but arrangements.

Getting real about love means learning to face our own lives and look at our values, our hopes, our dreams, our tender places, our relationships with friends, family and peers and most importantly, our relationship with ourselves.

THE CATCH

Trying to find a lasting relationship feeling lousy about oneself is like trying to catch rain with a sieve. We simply don’t have the containment to attract the nectar we seek to quench our hungry and lonely hearts. If we look within, we may feel a hunger that is deeply insatiable. This is a feeling that only we can satisfy. It would be impossible for anyone to do that for us.

Until we feel we are worthy of love, we are unable to sustain the true love we ultimately seek. When we feel incomplete within ourselves, our sense of partiality tends to attract partial relationships that last for some time and then dissolve. It is only when we feel whole within ourselves that we attract the wholesome love that provides the meaty sustenance to accompany and enhance our lives.

When we learn to love our self, we become like an open cup ready to receive the bounty of life. Perhaps, to some, that seems like bitter irony. You may ask, “If I feel whole, why would I want to find love?” Love is organic and infinite. It is not an end point, but an ongoing, alive, evolving force. Love does not arise though “wanting”. When we are “wanting”, we are identified as separate from that which we want. How can we attract something from which we feel disconnected? When we we feel that we are not separate from, but exist within, love, we are able to receive and sustain it.

Love flourishes as an ever-present force to be witnessed. For most, love is to be found, to be had or to be lost. But for the wise, love is to witness an unfolding. As we love ourself or as we love another, we learn not to grasp or to control, but to appreciate with inner spaciousness the blossoming, the evolution of this moment as it is.

It is not someone else’s job to make you feel loved, but up to you to tap into the love within yourself. Friends, family, lovers, spouses can amplify that connection within you, but they are not the source. To put that job on someone else would be to sidestep your own spiritual responsibility.

Feeling disconnected from love can be a deeply unconscious thing, due to wounds we carry from childhood and/or from past lives. There may be a very young place within us that still feels unmet by our mother, our father or both. From this place, we tend to express a wanting for love. We may be feeling unconsciously, “I want daddy to make it all ok,” or “I want mommy to love me in the way I need”, which then gets projected onto any potential partner we may attract. How could a partner fill that void?

A mature, lasting love relationship is not two halves making a whole, but two wholes dancing in the infinite. We must do our own inner work on our deeper issues before we can have a lasting and meaningful relationship with another person.

WE ARE LOVE, WE ARE LOVED

It is up to each one of us to realize that within us exists an unbroken tie to the universe, an unending tap that flows with love. The problem is, most of us are standing on the ‘cosmic hose’ that is pumping love our way, while we scratch our heads bewildered, wondering where all the love has gone. When we are developing self-love, we need to look within at the ways in which we are blocking the flow to feel love, to feel loved.

Love is all around, within, always. The very fabric of the universe pulsates at the frequency of love, of joy, of abundance. In each moment we are loved beyond what we could ever imagine. It is our own distorted thoughts, wounds and attachments that make us believe otherwise. So why do we hold on to feeling disconnected, searching for love ‘to fill me up’ from ‘out there’, rather than within?

Perhaps it is habit, socialized patterns, a sort of cosmic amnesia that keeps us asleep rather than truly empowered. Perhaps it is easier to blame than take responsibility. There is a subtle power we get from feeling powerless, from feeling like a victim. It is scary to let go of blame and take responsibility for our happiness, because we have to look within and change things that hold us back from growing. Stepping into the new, the unknown, is scary, when we are attached to things being as they are. That involves being accountable for our life and letting go of blaming everyone, even our parents, or the universe, for our wounds. We each chose our parents and every aspect of our lives. Everything that exists in our lives is a reflection of our thoughts and beliefs and provides perfect support for our growth. There are no mistakes, only opportunities.

In order to embrace change, we need courage. Self-love takes courage to develop. It is only when we have the courage to welcome ourselves into our hearts that we find the love we seek. In welcoming our full self into our self, that is, in opening ourself up to the totality of who we are, we learn to welcome the love from the universe, and then from others, into our lives. When we love ourself, we discover how to co-create with the love from another. Our life then becomes like a house built on a solid foundation.

Without self-love, we tend to graft ourselves onto another person’s energy, because we are not rooted in who we are. Our rootedness comes from our personal relationship with the cosmos, the divine and the reality (not the myth) of love. One’s relationship to the divine is a deeply personal thing, something no one but oneself can truly understand.

WHAT IS SELF-LOVE ANYWAY?

Self-love is different from self-confidence or having a good self-esteem, though they can be related. Self-confidence is when one feels certitude in their ability to discern or act, whereas self-esteem involves a quiet assurance in one’s place within the whole, a feeling of being a valuable and welcome part of the universe. Self-love involves the ability to treat oneself with understanding, kindness, patience and gentle perseverance. Deeper still, self-love involves one’s ability to know that one’s true nature is love and that our human destiny is to embody that love and express it in all we do.

The notion of self-love conjures images for many of being overly indulgent, narcissistic, egotistical, vain or selfish. Yet nothing could be further from the truth. It is only when we love our self that we learn to truly love others.

When we love ourself, we begin to look at life not as something happening ‘to me’, but as a reflection of who we are. We don’t feel separate from people, places and things, but we see our self in our surroundings. We feel closer to, even a part of, everything. There is a gentle sense of containment, or embrace, that surrounds us at all times, no matter what. In this, we feel rooted, vital and expansive, able to participate in life and follow our true joy with openness and courage.

Self-love is not about being overly attached and fascinated with the notion of “mine”. Self-love is a sacred thing. It brings us close to the divine. It allows us to see our Self as a reflection of the sacred, a part of a much greater whole. Self-love requires a paradigm shift. It involves being able to feel connected at some level to something greater than our ego.

When we allow ourselves to be wholly who we are, we embody the Divine. Our deepest joy is our way into the realm of possibility, a guiding light into our true, infinite nature. I have often contemplated on the meaning of the phrase “It is God’s Will”. Does that mean that some force outside of me could potentially disapprove of my choices? What I have come to realize is that there is no force ‘out there’ that is separate from my true self. The will of the universe dances to the rhythm of love and is supported by joy. In essence, my true joy is the universe’s joy. I know without a shadow of doubt that so it is for you too. We are all beings of love. Let us remember our true nature and set ourselves free. Love, love, love. It is all about love.

May we each remember our true nature, embody love and set the world’s heart ablaze.

Love,

Parvati

Ask Parvati 12 - Psyched About Being Psychic?

PSYCHED ABOUT BEING PSYCHIC

I am often asked how to develop more intuition. Recently I received two questions on that topic. It seems as we embrace spring and clear out the old, making way for the new, people are looking to see more clearly as they make wiser, more inspired decisions. This week, we take a look at learning to navigate in the unseen. Thank you for your questions!

Dear Parvati,

How can I become more intuitive? I sense things sometimes about myself and about others and sometimes the hits turn out to be right. But other times I'm way off base or it's just totally blank. I wish I could see more. Can I do meditations to open my third eye or something to become more psychic?

Dear Parvati,

How do you know when 'angels' or other 'messages' are coming to you, as opposed to your own thoughts creating them? I find this dilemma to be a bit of a battle for me, which then interferes with 'faith'. How does one know if they are receiving guidance from an external source rather than creating it themselves? How do you differentiate? Or can you?

WE EXIST WITHIN THE WHOLE

We exist within a vast, multidimensional whole. I have said that in many other blog posts. What does it really mean? We can think of our interconnection with 'all that is' in a tangible way. Think of this: the air you are breathing right now is air I too am breathing right now. It is also the same air that someone in Africa, China and Chile is breathing right now. That air also flows right now in and out of plants, animals, humans, and all things living. Wow!

All that exists on Earth is affected by gravity. There is a force that keeps us here, literally. We know we are affected by the cycles of the sun. Light dims, we get sleepy. Not enough light through the day, we can get depressed. As the moon shifts, the ocean tides change, and so do the tides in our body, being, personality and perceptions.

The force that creates form, the material world as we see it, is not visible to our eyes. But we can see its effect. We can see how in spring, the flowers grow and new life is born to animals and plants. There is a force at work. We can see its effects, but we cannot see it. Or can we?

THE UNSEEN

Seers for millennia have been able to see that which is not visible to most. The vital energy of plants can be seen as rays of colour, sparkling auric fields, dancing life. People's thoughts and emotions project colour, texture and shape. Those who are particularly open and sensitive, such as children, are more likely to see an angel. Some people can see and communicate with the deceased or wandering spirits that have lost their way. What are they doing to access the unseen?

There is a whole heck of a lot going on in each moment, more than we commonly realize. Our brains are designed for survival to edit information so we can get the tasks at hand complete. But as we evolve spiritually, our minds become quieter and our thoughts slow down. The space between thoughts increases so that we are more receptive to possibility, the field of pure consciousness. Our minds become clearer windows into what is, less cluttered by a desire to control this moment. In this quiet, we can see, hear, feel, taste and smell more... not with our physical senses, but with latent senses designed specifically to connect with the unseen.

DEVELOPING A SIXTH SENSE

As we lessen our attachment and identification with our mundane, physical five senses, we awaken our senses that touch the unseen. The area between the eyebrows at the center of the forehead becomes internally quiet and expands so that we may see, not with our physical eyes, but with an inner, intuitive eye, that which is not physically present. The experience of seeing in this subtler way is not like seeing with our eyes. It can be like seeing multidimensional passageways of light, a high speed film, brilliant flashes of crystal clear insight into alternate possibilities, or visions of beings and realms beyond than which are limited by gravity... to name a few.

The same is true for the inner ear, a gift that allows us to hear that which is not audible; or subtle smell, to become aware of perfumes that are undetected by the nose; or subtle touch, to feel the non-physical. For example, in my early days doing energy work, part of my guidance came through smell. When energies that were present but not physically visible were benevolent, often a floral smell spontaneously appeared in the room. When malefic energies were present, usually a sulfuric or putrid smell would appear. Or I could hear voices that would either be guiding me or distracting me. Just like I said in a recent blog, discernment is key on the spiritual path. I had to learn what was created by my own personality, what was emerging from beyond me, what was guidance and what was distraction.

STAYING GROUNDED AND HEALTHY BOUNDARIES

A Vedic Astrologer once looked at my chart and exclaimed, "You have a very strong relationship with the unseen!" It is true. Ever since I can remember, I was one who was in touch with realms that others could not sense existed. One scene from my childhood was me excitedly calling my mom, saying, "Who is that lady in the blue dress in the living room?" To Mom, the living room was empty. The visiting woman looked different to me than people in the house, not only because she had very odd fashion sense (her Victorian dress was long since passé) but because she did not seem as thick, dense or solid.

My sensitivity, as predicted by the astrologer, continues to be an important and strong part of my life. It is a skill I was born with, yes, like those who have greater facility with math than others. But it is a potential we all have and one that can be developed with patience, non-attachment and humility. My work in the unseen has been an ongoing relationship, refined through trial and error and meeting teachers who could inspire my path.

One very important piece in my journey has been that I do not go looking for things in the unseen. Just as it is bad manners (and bad karma!) to read another's mail, so too it is not good psychic etiquette to try to read another's mind or see if you can see what colour underwear they are wearing. Boundaries are super important in our mundane world in order to have healthy relationships. It is even more important in the unseen. Just as you take on karma for peeking at someone's private diary, so too, it is a bad idea to go looking for psychic info without full consent.

When we learn to work with the unseen, we must learn to remain grounded, rather than jettisoning out of our body and out into other aspects of the universe. I firmly believe that we have all that we need right here, right now, in order to evolve. We don't need intuitive skills. In fact, they can greatly amplify one's ego, quicker than almost anything else on the spiritual path. So if you are desiring to be more intuitive, I would ask myself where that impulse comes from.

NO ATTACHMENTS, NO AGENDA

The ego is a tricky thing and ultimately we are on the planet to release our attachment to it. Many people who have asked me over the years about wanting to become more psychic I have felt were asking from ego, trying somehow to gain more control over their lives, more power over the moment rather than learning to open to what is. I deeply feel that psychic skills, if they are meant to be part of your life, will arise naturally, usually through a dedicated spiritual practice that is rooted in humility and non-attachment. When we express "wanting", there is ego. When there is ego, there is no clarity but a desire to distort what is to suit one's sense of need. When there is wanting and control, there is attachment and clouded perception.

True psychic skills happen completely without agenda. Firstly, when I have agreed to offer my intuitive skills for others’ insight, it is when I have been asked to do so. Secondly, I must be in a place of complete non-resistance to what is... non-attached to what I may see or to results I may want. As such, it takes greatest mastery to practice divination for oneself, close friends, family members, or for situations where we may have a vested interest. It is possible, but only after years of practice and discernment, for one to see beyond desire. A true psychic is an impartial witness to what is with no agenda, a simple, humble servant to the Divine. This is very important.

In the realm of the unseen, there is much trickiness. There are drifting spirits, like your dead uncle who sees himself now as an enlightened being just waiting for someone to open themselves up to share his "insights". Though that information would come from the non-physical, it would not necessarily be clear or accurate. There are also dark, ignorant and deluded energies, which one would want to avoid, that convolute, distort and feed on others’ ignorance... in this case, yours. There are also energies that only love and serve. One's impartiality is the only means to navigate a world of such potential stickiness.

Psychic and paranormal skills called (in Sanskrit) Siddhis, do naturally develop along the spiritual path. But they are not the goal and must not be confused as such. For some, they are just a passing phase along the road to return to the One. Is not our spiritual goal to embody bliss and pure divine love, and not to read tea leaves? Just like all things that have form (and the unseen has form, just of a subtler construct) these intuitive skills will come and go, dissolve and pass as we evolve. We must not be attached to them.

DIVINE GUIDANCE

So how do you know it is not just you making it all up? Just as you must learn to act without attachments if you are to interact safely with the unseen, benevolent beings that are worthy of interaction also have no "wanting", attachment energy or controlling agenda. I have heard of channels who encounter entities with a very strong directive that eventually take control over their lives. This is unhealthy. Benevolent beings like angels do not push, pull or control a meeting. One's ability to remain grounded, unattached and neutral is essential to safely contact the unseen. When grace happens, is it just there, without any stickiness, constriction or fear.

In some ways, it does not really matter if what you are hearing or sensing is coming from an angelic force or from you, as long as you are serving the highest good in all and are continuing to practice the release of the ego's grip as expressed through your attachments. I can say that what comes from within one's body is usually the voice of the soul. What rattles in one's head is usually the mind creating a narrative. What is expressed outside and around your body are entities, whether clear ones or not.

For years I said that my body is my guru. It never lies. By learning to understand different physical signs, my body constantly keeps me in alignment with my soul and spirit. I feel sitting meditation is key to awakening one's intuitive skills, if not just for the simple reason that sincere meditation is a process of dissolving the ego and purifying the body. When I sense the unseen, I am grounded and relaxed. Being rooted in one's self, feeling vital and expansive are all important starting points.

Once I feel centered, I see/hear things in terms of quadrants in my energy field. I know from experience that hearing voices or seeing images through different places in and around my body, will be either tricky or benevolent energies. So you can ask yourself, is the voice or sense in the front of your head? Within your heart? In your gut? Outside your body? To your upper left? Upper right? Where and how is information being communicated? For me, things I feel/see I can relate to in terms of quadrants as to where I am feeling/seeing them. Over the years, I have a developed a multidimensional map-like system in the unseen with specific benchmarks and signposts. My way of communicating within the unseen landscape is constantly evolving as I evolve.

SUMMARY

Everyone will have their own way to sense/feel/see the unseen. It takes practice and humility to discover your own way. There are however some universal points that are worth mentioning here:

1. MEDITATION: Develop a meditation practice where you sit for five, ten, twenty minutes, however long you feel you can while maintaining an uninterrupted focus on your breath or your mantra. If you want to start meditating but are not sure how, I wrote a blog recently on that. Please take a look.
2. INTEGRITY: Ask yourself why you want to become more psychic. Make sure you are not in some way trying to skirt around perhaps some uncomfortable feelings or trying to feel more powerful in some way.
3. BOUNDARIES: Never try to read someone's mind or eavesdrop on conversations. Respect boundaries.
4. NON-ATTACHMENT: Never have an agenda about what you want to see, hear or feel. Remember that you are not the doer. You are in humble service to the Divine.
5. STAY GROUNDED: Your body/being/emotions must feel neutral at all times. Otherwise in some way your own personality and ego are getting involved and trying to control information.
6. RECEPTIVITY: Do not leave your body to see if you can meet other beings, or see/feel/hear more. Allow any information come to you, not you going to it.
7. ALL IS PERFECT: You have everything you need to know right here, right now. Feel quiet and content with what is rather than wanting more. Keep focusing on that which feels rooted, vital and expansive. The rest will take care of itself.

EXERCISE

The only exercise I will suggest is this. Go to the park. Sit quietly near some flowers. Watch them and see if you can let go of creating a story about them such as, "Oh, I love this type of flower. My boyfriend gave me them last Valentines..." Just watch the flowers. See how they are in space, how the wind touches them, how they root to the Earth... just watch, no narrative.

After some time, rather than moving your energy deeper into the flowers (as though you want to read it... Remember? Boundaries!), pull your energy and mind back a bit, as though you were receiving the flowers' energy. Open to the flowers. Politely ask if they have anything to say. Remain quiet, receptive and unattached. Actively listen with your heart.

You may feel nothing. You may just feel warmth, or kindness. Or you may hear words like your own voice saying this is stupid or you are hungry. Or perhaps there is something else... Whatever it is, it does not matter. Should you feel you have received a message, watch the tendency for the ego to potentially constrict around it and own it. The information was already there before you became conscious of it. It is not yours. Again, whatever it is, it does not matter. Remember, you are not attached, but a compassionate witness to what is.

After some time, thank the flowers and move along. 

Enjoy the flowers,

Parvati