Transforming Pain into Love

From Self-Betrayal To Self-Love: Steadiness and Gratitude On The Path 

Part 2: Transforming Pain into Love

Today is Maha Sivaratri, an annual Hindu celebration in praise of Lord Siva who out of compassion drank poison and in so doing, saved the world. “Om Namah Sivaya!” to all those who honour this festival.

Every year this celebration happens during Lent, when Christians turn their hearts and prayers towards Easter. Though my spiritual teacher was born in the Hindu tradition, I grew up in a Christian home. I went to Sunday school every weekend, said grace at meals and was guided by parents who openly discussed their faith. My father had a daily morning contemplative practice and my grandmother was the first to introduce me to meditation and practiced for over 50 years. 

After a year living in India, having left my career as an architect to deepen my understanding of yoga and meditation, though circumstance I ended up working part time as a lay assistant minister (non-ordained) for the church where I was baptized in Montreal. I have felt a close relationship with this spiritual path and have felt very grateful for the guidance I received as a child to be open to spiritual “otherness”, no matter what spiritual path we may choose.

Yet, the whole Judas betraying Jesus thing never really made sense to me. In the Christian story, Jesus was betrayed the night before he was crucified, by one of his closest followers, Judas. So here is this wise master who can perform all sorts of miracles, who so happens to have in his closest entourage a guy that ends up betraying him. How could that be? And what is the supposed Grace in such a betrayal?

Last week, I shared how I watched myself turn myself “black and blue” though hurtful self-talk and by holding onto painful feelings. That incident guided me to contemplate self-love more deeply and has helped me understand more fully how we create our reality. 

What has transpired for me, since then, is a feeling of gratitude for the “toxic” people who have come and gone through my life over the years. And no, contrary to many popular “manifesting” manifestos, I am not planning on attracting more people like that into my life by feeling grateful for them. On the contrary, I feel that through gratitude and self-forgiveness, I am letting them go so that they no longer need to come back into my life and mirror back aspects of myself I do not see.

It is like the famous saying: “There but by the Grace of God go I.” We are far more similar than we realize, and all so inter-connected. What I see as painful in another person is potentially something I could do to myself, or maybe even something I am doing to myself or to another. By being witness to another person’s painful energy, I am given a gift: I can see my own shadows more clearly so I can accept them and let them go.

When I recently recorded this “aha” moment in my diary, I wrote the word “toxic” to describe the people that have hurt me in the past. I could feel a part of me want to judge them for being “bad” and “wrong”. But as my pen touched the page, the opposite flowered in my heart. I felt closer to them than I ever had. 

Then it came to me: I had a deeper understanding of Judas. His betrayal of Jesus was actually a part of how Jesus fulfilled his life’s work. Through Judas, Jesus transcended into eternal life. Because Judas “told on” Jesus, Jesus was crucified. And because Jesus was crucified, Jesus showed his followers that he was not limited to the body but was beyond. Similarly, on Maha Sivaratri, Siva drank poison and shows us that we are not limited by day and night, that is, time, but that our true nature is beyond all things and is eternal.

What crystallized in my cells in that moment is something that has floated around my thoughts before: there is NO-thing (nothing) that is not part of the greater whole. In other words, everything that happens has a purpose and is part of a greater whole. So how could I but feel gratitude? This whole is me. I am the whole. That other person is also the whole. We are the whole together.

Painful acts by others, and those that I have acted upon myself and others, have brought me face to face with my own shadow, so that I could forgive myself, let resentments go, and transcend into the fullness of love. 

By no means does this justify painful acts. But it reminds us that flowers grow out of manure and compost. The lotus, a symbol in the East for enlightenment, blooms in murky waters. I do not believe that pain is a pre-requisite for growth. After all, there are exquisite things that grow hydroponically! But if we meet painful things with openness and humility, they could become fuel for the most powerful expansion experiences we may ever have.

I look forward to sharing more about this “aha” moment next week when I take a look at cultivating self-love.

Until then, be well,

Parvati 

Ask Parvati 32: Gratitude, The Action Of Grace - Part 4: Thanking Adversity

PART 4: THANKING ADVERSITY

(Continued from Thanking Illness)

We would all love our lives to flow. Experiencing green lights along our path feels smooth and effortless and can give us a sense of being on path. Yet we all have bumps along the way at some point. We often tend to see adversity through a black and white lens: seeing obstacles and challenges as a sign of failure, or seeing them as some mysterious blessing we yet have to uncover. We can may hope to learn from our mistakes but feel unsure how. We can also believe that there are no mistakes, that all is good, in denial of our responsibility in our happenings. But what if practicing gratitude for what is, shows us something beyond these polarities?

It is my belief that we are constantly supported by a much greater whole while our consciousness goes through a process of refinement. As I explored in my last blog entries on creating our reality, what we experience is a reflection of our thoughts. So if we do not like our life, we need to change our beliefs and refine our state of consciousness.

Many people can take a downer approach and berate their life and inwardly fight what is, in some frustrated effort to change. That kind of judgemental and tense attitude will create suffering. Others may take what I would call a bit more of a denial approach and say that all that happens is ok. What if what happens is a reflection of our thoughts, and is also grace? What if what we experience mirrors back to us our tendencies - and because of that mirror we have the grace to
see it? So, what is, is both a reflection of our distortions, our erroneous perceptions, and a reflection of the love that there is for us throughout the universe. If we see what is through the lens of gratitude, we can see that we are both learning and fully supported.

When we have this grateful attitude in each moment, we can meet what is as both an opportunity to see ourselves more clearly and full of all the loving guidance we need to help us grow. Both are true. It is not balanced to say that life is a cold mirror that reflects back to us a harsh reality in which we can punitively judge our skills. Nor is it balanced to see life as a gooey, all-accepting playing field. There
is personal responsibility and guidance. There is free will and grace. Grace is always holding our capacity for free will. We must open ourselves to see it. Even when our free will moves us in a direction that causes us pain, we have an opportunity, due to grace, to see that which is as lovingly guiding us to wholeness.

My guru Amma shares a story about a man who is running along a field at full speed. He steps on a thorn and curses it, wondering why God has punished him this way. What the man does not see is the cliff he was heading towards, where he would have come to an untimely death. The thorn he curses saved his life.

When we begin to feel grateful for all that is, we meet life in its fullest expression. We see that everything is part of a greater, loving whole, supporting us both to learn and to grow as we return back to the One state of pure undivided consciousness. We are both guided and personally responsible. We are rooted in our sense of self, vital to mobilize and interact with life, and expansive to meet what is as a reflection of who we are so we may embody our fullest potential.

When we meet adversity with humility and receptivity, we can find gratitude even there. Though our feeling of gratitude, we find an internal freedom that brings us all the wealth, joy and wonder we had been seeking all along.

May your life be full of such abundance, joy and blessings.

May you feel grateful for the life you have and share your unique gifts with the world.

Blessings,
Parvati



PS: Reminder that tomorrow is the last day for question submissions.
Please send yours to ask@parvatidevi.com.

Ask Parvati 32: Gratitude, The Action of Grace - Part 3: Thanking Illness

PART 3: THANKING ILLNESS

(Continued from It Is All Grace)

Colds. Flus. Injuries. Accidents. We have all suffered from various illnesses to varying degrees of severity. When we are met with something that challenges our health, many of us can feel irritable that our busy lives have come to a grinding halt. The illness can feel like it is in the way. Our body is no longer doing what "we" want "it" to do. We feel less in control, perhaps even powerless, and that can
bring up all sorts of deep emotions and possible spiritual awakenings. (I look at this more in depth in my blog entry Listen To Your Body Talk).

Many may choose to medicate their way through any discomfort until it has passed and they can resume their lives. There is nothing wrong with medication, as long as it is done with mindfulness, not as a means to move away from or numb our sense of personal connection, the voice of our soul. There is a time and place for everything.

If you are faced with an illness, perhaps try to thank the illness for the experience you are having. That may sound backwards, but perhaps it is not. If we give thanks for what we have, we begin to release resistance to it. When we release resistance, we let go of undue energy tied up in things that do not serve our highest good so we may return to flow. At the root of gratitude is non-resistance to what is. Gratitude is a state of receptivity. Gratitude is not born from a closed fist, a closed mind, a closed heart. When we open, we receive. When we give thanks, we feel abundant and tapped into the infinite.

Our tendency may be to push away pain and discomfort. We want it gone. It will pass eventually. What if instead of pushing, we thank the pain for the discomfort? What would happen? Does the pain or discomfort offer any wisdom? Is it simply an interference? Look again. I am quite sure that within the pain or discomfort there is guidance to your spiritual growth, the voice of your soul clamouring for your attention.

I have had many physical ups and downs over the course of my life, from the minor to very severe. Through first-hand experience, I have seen the frailty of the body, and the immense power it has. When I stopped fighting it and expecting it to do what I wanted it to do, I started to work with it. I started to see that my body offers my consciousness a direct link to Nature and helps me remain in balance
within a much greater whole. In this way, mindful connection to the body roots our spiritual evolution and keeps our ego in check.

Next time you get a cold, or are in a situation that asks you to slow down, practice seeing the situation and your body differently. Instead of resisting what is, give thanks. Give thanks for the situation so you may go deeper inside, get to know yourself better, learn to live with greater interconnection, to see this moment as grace.

I find thanking my body has become a part of my daily routine. When I do my yoga practice, I am listening to my body, not pushing. I thank the muscles for stretching. I thank my bones for bearing weight. I thank my organs for doing their work. I thank my body for being such an amazing vehicle for my spiritual journey while on Earth! Wow! I have also started to thank the very gift of breathing, the gift of
walking. These are things we take for granted. Bringing our attention to them helps us remain humble, open, honest and true.

So today, write a list of what you feel grateful for in terms of your health and physical self. If you are feeling poorly, approach your illness with gratitude rather than pushiness. Ask the illness what it is teaching you, and open to the wisdom there. You may just find a whole new you is ready to be born.

Then lie down in a quiet, uninterrupted setting. Place one hand on your tummy and one hand on your heart. Then feel your body touch back… your body is touching your hand. Feel the relationship there. Then send gratitude to your body. Allow gratitude to fill you up, like a liquid light quenching a deep soul thirst. You can sense or visualize all your various body parts in this way, such as thanking your brain, your eyes, your mouth, your heart, your lungs… You can go into as much detail as you wish. Give thanks. Receive the gratitude. Take as many opportunities as you can to sincerely thank your body for all the hard work it does… all so you may evolve while you are on this planet.


(Continued tomorrow with Thanking Adversity)

Ask Parvati 32: Gratitude, the Action of Grace - Part 2: It Is All Grace

PART 2: IT IS ALL GRACE

(Continued from Giving Thanks for All We Have)

I am from Montreal. In Quebec, Thanksgiving is called L'Action de
Grace, which literally means, the Act of Grace. I love that name. The
Act of Grace. Why would Thanksgiving be connected to the act of grace?
Perhaps it is that all we have in our lives is an act of grace.

We tend to think of the painful things as mistakes and the good stuff
as luck. Or perhaps we think of the stuff we like as grace, a gift
from beyond, and things we don't like as a curse. However we choose to
see the moment and understand our life, we must ask, what is grace? Do
we have any control over it? How can we amplify it? Where does it come
from?

Grace to me is an alignment between our Nature Body (the physical,
emotional, intellectual and spiritual bodies, or sheaths that create
our aura) and the Cosmic Intelligence Body (the etheric, astral,
causal, mental and alien realms). When our Nature Body and the Cosmic
Intelligence Body align, we have usually an "a-ha" moment, where all
seems to brighten and go from monochrome to technicolour. Somehow, our
field of perception just broadened. That alignment, I call Grace.

For the most part, many of us are walking around through our days
somewhat cockeyed, feeling disconnected, wanting life to be different,
wondering why it is not. There is tremendous unhappiness in the world
and we contribute to it through our disconnected states. A milky fog
can run through our mind and seep into our day, like somehow we are
just not quite there. In essence, we are not. We are lost in wanting,
in thoughts about what could be or what was, rather than what is. We
can resist what we feel and deny the happenings in our lives so our
feelings and lives go on as they are while we look another way.

To me, the above describes a disconnect, a way in which we have not
quite rooted into our being on the Earth, tapped into the vitality of
this moment, and expanded to meet what is. If we are going to give
thanks, we need to feel connected to this moment. If we are going to
connect to this moment, then we need to look at what this moment
brings.

If this moment brings tension, see it as grace. If this moment brings
expansion, see it as grace. See all as grace. When we see all as
grace, we stop resisting and begin to expand beyond the limited
confines of our ego and tap into the vastness of pure consciousness.
We begin to remember that we are not the doers, but vehicles for the
divine.

I have explored the notion of the illusion that we are the doers in
many blog entries. It is worthy of the repeat because the habit to think of
ourselves as in control is so very deep in our psyche. We think life
is happening "to" me and we are "in control". This leads to suffering.

When we begin to realize that all is grace, we begin to feel grateful
for what is. Think about it. You breathe. You are alive. You likely
can walk, even run. You likely can wiggle your fingers and toes. What
force is keeping your body alive? Really think about that. What force?
Is it not totally amazing?!

If ever I feel a bit down, I reconnect with that thought, the profound
WOW at being here at all - alive. This life provides us with such
riches, we can oversee them so easily because we are busy wanting
something from the future or the past. We miss the here and now.

We take the simplest things for granted, but they are there only
because of grace. Today, go for a walk. Fall colours are beautiful.
Take a look more closely at the immense complexity of life, the many
layers, intricacies. What force runs through all you see? Remember,
you are a part of it all! Now please, just let that blow your mind, at
least a wee bit. In that "wow" for this moment, there is the
tremendous power of gratitude just waiting for you to breathe it all
in. Breathe it all in and know you are loved.

(Continued tomorrow with Thanking Illness)

Ask Parvati 32: Gratitude, the Action of Grace - Part 1: Giving Thanks For All We Have

GRATITUDE

Dear Parvati,

I have learned that approaching circumstances with gratitude is a great catalyst for opening, transformation and healing. But sometimes it's really hard. I especially struggle to find gratitude in situations in which I perceive injustice. I also am not really all that happy with my own life. How do we feel gratitude when faced with personal dissatisfaction and with so much unrighteousness all over the world?

Thank you for this question. This weekend is Thanksgiving weekend in Canada, so I presume that is partly what fuelled your question. Gratitude is a key that unlocks many riches and much joy. Let us explore the notion of gratitude this week. 

PART 1: GIVING THANKS FOR ALL WE HAVE

This is Canadian Thanksgiving weekend. Whether you celebrate with a turkey, contemplate grateful thoughts or prefer to skip it all together, this celebration is a true Canadian happening that can support your spiritual awakening if you so choose.

Like in the US, Canadian Thanksgiving blends the European and Native traditions to give thanks for the harvests. But in Canada, Thanksgiving also celebrates a homecoming. In 1578, the explorer Martin Frobisher held an official ceremony in Newfoundland to give thanks for his safe journey through the Arctic Ocean's Northwest Passage. A year ago, I echoed Frobisher's thanks during my Thanksgiving festivities around this time, feeling grateful for my safe return from the North Pole.  

Complaining is easy. Perhaps that is why so many do it. It has an entropic force that seems to pull us along. It can even be addictive, our ego getting high on our sorry stories, feeling we deserve more, leaving us endlessly wanting. 

Thanksgiving gives us a gentle reminder to practice gratitude. Yet, many can feel there is little to be grateful for. But when we look at the immensity of the world and all the people on it, we can quickly reconsider any feelings of being hard done by. 

If you live in Canada, North America, or Europe, you are blessed with a cornucopia of opportunities. We are not war-torn countries struggling with famine, drought, brutal dictatorships or tyrannical political regimes. We have free will. We have free mobility. We have freedom of speech. We have supportive health care. We have the means to make the life we choose to have. We are immensely blessed! So if you have a hard time finding gratitude in your life, then perhaps put yourself in someone else's shoes for a moment, such as someone living in Somalia, and consider what your life would be like. 

My year living in India taught me, in part, to see this way. I was brought up in a Christian home and taught to see the needs of others, collecting for Unicef and doing volunteer work at food banks as a child. These were important teachings that created a seedbed for my personality and spiritual being to blossom. But the reality of the blessings of my life did not hit home until I was living in the midst of tremendous poverty. 

When I was around people who had very little, I was shown the capacity to love. My inspiration to love did not spontaneously spring forth from my inner being, but grew in awe from experiencing the selflessness from others. I was living in a small village in Rajasthan, in the Northern part of India. It was amazing to see how people with so little would still have the sense to give. Whomever I was with, I was offered what food they had. If there was enough food in a meal for six hungry mouths, then they would divide what they had into seven to accommodate me. Even though people had so little, there was a feeling of internal space, and ultimately, wealth.

Watching the poor village women taught me about taking care of my body. We can take our physical selves for granted. We can bathe when we want to, buy whatever cleaning products we want, go to the beauty salon, buy new clothes, etc…Yet often fashion trends in wealthy countries can glamorize grunge styles, unwashed hair, unkempt clothes, tattered presence. Amazingly, in the tiny village in India, even the very poorest of women would wash their clothes and iron their saris. If they could not afford gold or silver jewelry, they would wear plastic bangles. If they could not afford fancy hair clips, they would keep clean, tidy hair and find a simple pin or flower to embellish their style. There was a sense of dignity and self-respect that I found mesmerizing and noble. Though a single life there was cheaply valued with mortality rates high, immense poverty, illness and tremendous political corruption, there was a sense of meeting the day with all they had to the best of their abilities. 

Of course, there is diversity everywhere. I mean not to make sweeping generalizations about cultures. I simply share what I witnessed, that perhaps having a lot is not a prerequisite to feelings of gratitude. 

It is possible that our wealth breeds complacency. Tempted by manufacturing abundance, we may want more and forget to feel contented with what we have. If we were not able to have more, due to our circumstance, would we still want? Or would we find a way to feel happy with what we have? Have we fallen prey to cultural greed?

From my experience, abundance comes from the feeling of enough, not from feeling not enough. If we want to feel fulfilled, we need to begin to practice gratitude for what we have. If we are going around saying, "I am not enough. I don't have enough. There is not enough…" consciously or unconsciously, we are in effect creating that reality, the reality of not enough. Is it any surprise then that we feel unfulfilled?

If we begin to meet this moment as it is, with all its colours, dark and light, we begin to see possibility in our lives. We let go of wanting things to be other than they are, and start to feel rooted, vital and expansive in this moment now. It is there that we find happiness. It is there we find abundance. It is there we find gratitude. When we feel grateful for what is, we begin to tap into a wealth of power and vitality that had been waiting all along. We were just too busy looking for fulfilment elsewhere. 

So this Thanksgiving weekend, do yourself and the world a favour. Write a list of all the things you feel grateful for, however small or large. It could be, "I like the colour of my eyes", or it could be, "I feel grateful that I paid off my credit card". Challenge yourself to go deeper than you usually would. Once you have your list, take a moment to breathe in the wealth of gratitude you already have. This is your life. Let it be one rooted in gratitude and grace. 

Throughout the week, I will be exploring in this blog the notion of gratitude in various aspect of our lives. May you feel grateful and abundant in all you do!

(Continued tomorrow with It Is All Grace)