Sacred Sexuality: Beyond Wanting - Part 2: Body Language

(Continued from Sex and Spirituality)

 

Whether we are heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual, a polygamist, a monogamist, or celibate, our physical body is part of a vast, multidimensional whole. What we do, think, feel, taste, smell and touch is never limited in isolation to our immediate sense of self, but has ripple effects throughout the entire universe.

 

When we communicate, we take in and impart information. For most, this is thought of as a verbal exchange. But for those who are sensitive to otherness, we understand that there is no such thing as purely verbal information. In addition to what we speak, we are also sharing our emotional presence, all the contents of our body language, the subtle innuendos, and our vibrational intentions.

 

When we share with someone, we are in contact not just with the physical being that we see, but with all that person’s past thoughts, experiences and actions, as well as all energies with which they have been in contact. We are in touch with the totality of their soul's evolutionary journey. Even when we are physically alone, we are never truly alone. Whatever we think, feel or do, we are continually in communication with an immense universe that comes home to us through our physical body.

 

The body is literally a channel for unseen forces. We know we need to take care to communicate appropriately when we share our ideas and our heart, whether silently to ourselves, thoughtfully through prayer or orally to others. We know we must be attentive to our audience and communicate appropriately so that we may be understood and so we may fully feel connected.

 

The same is true with sex. It is a form of communication, communication with self, and/or with other(s). Sexuality in the positive possibilities is about receptivity and trust, because in order to fully meet the divine, that is, the pure consciousness that runs through our being, and share in its presence that runs through everything, we must lay down our ego, rest in humility and let go of wanting. This takes spiritual maturity.

 

If we were deeply honest with ourselves and looked courageously into the recesses of our psyche, we would find that for most, sex is an expression of seeking external fulfillment, getting or giving to get, which are forms of our ego attempting to gain approval, feel safe and find control. Sex for most is a form of trying to find connections while feeling disconnected. Even when we feel we love someone, we need to be careful we are not still seeking their approval, playing out childhood patterns and being inauthentic in the moment. In this way, the sober truth is that for most, sex is more of an expression of the impossibilities, because it often comes from a place of scarcity, wanting and lack, rather than genuine and pure love.

 

Just like anything in the universe, when we approach life from a perspective of lack, we will continue to feel unfulfilled no matter how many fast cars we buy, how many shiny shoes are in our closets, how big our house is, or how many multiple orgasms we have. Unless we embody the courage to face our inner emptiness and switch internal dials so that we may let go of our inner wounds that tell us we are unloved and unlovable, we will not find the fullness we ultimately seek. Similar to the rules of abundance that tells us that riches cannot be made from feeling not enough, we cannot meet the eternal and divine through sexuality if we are in a disconnected state of wanting. Love comes when we love ourselves.

 

Sex transmits information. It is a form of communication - communing with self, others and otherness. It brings us beyond our limited sense of self and opens us to something else, be it the divine, or more wanting. (As a transmitter, sex also gives us STDs, which sadly have affected many, many people all around the world.)

 

When we look at sex from a spiritual perspective, we also understand that sex transmits information from the unseen to the seen. When we are spiritually centered, we realize that sexuality opens a multidimensional portal and has the capacity to transmit beauty, peace, joy, as well as unseen STDs, that is, interference patterns that take root in our physical form.

 

When I was living in Montreal and ran a yoga studio there, I went away one weekend on a meditation retreat by myself for personal recharge. When I came back, I was greeted by my then boyfriend and a swirling array of women I could see in his energy field... three to be exact. As soon as I saw him, I exclaimed, "Who are these women?” I knew he had been unfaithful to our monogamous relationship while I was away. I could see their energy imprint in his energy field. I knew that if we were to be intimate again, I would be interacting with him, his unseen field, as well as all those with whom he had been in contact. For me, the spiritual path is complicated enough, full of promise and pitfalls. Engaging in such complicated and unclear energy systems was not for me, so we parted ways.

 

That partner and I practiced at that time what most people popularly understood to be Tantra. It is from experiences like that relationship and others that I came to develop a deeper understanding of Tantra and know intimately the power of sexuality to touch the divine or to add complication to our lives. Sex can support our evolution if the energy is handled with absolute awareness and true understanding of wanting and desire. For most, sex either keeps us in cycles of wanting providing temporary highs, like white sugar rushes that do not ultimately feed our soul and body/being, or (when sexual desire is misunderstood as love, rather than seen as tricky wanting) it adds layers of complications to our path, and brings into our body/being energies from which we will eventually, in this life or the next, need to release.

 

(Continues tomorrow with Wanting Fulfillment or Open to Divine Love)

Ask Parvati 31: Relationship Complications - Part 5, Moving Through Depression And Attracting The Love You Want

PART FIVE: MOVING THROUGH DEPRESSION AND ATTRACTING THE LOVE YOU WANT
(Continued from Letting Go of Wounds)

Question: It seems I have this pending topic 12 years ago and I fell on a depression state but in that moment I didn't follow a therapy or anything. How can I deal with that and start trusting myself and a possible future partner, from a difference perspective out of ego?
It hurts so bad and I feel blackened...

My answer: If you still struggle with depression, it is best to work with a trained therapist to help support your healing. I would also suggest taking a look at the blog entries I wrote in the past specifically on depression and despair. You may find them very useful.

We are only going to attract the partner that we wish to have in our life, once we have found a true loving connection with ourself. I leave that as a single paragraph to emphasize how important this is! We are only going to attract the partner that we wish to have in our life once we have found a true loving connection to ourself. So important!

We all have to face a deep wound: feeling lack of love. It seems to be part of the human condition. The problem is, most people think that another person is going to fill their need for love. But that will never work. We look for that perfect person, but remain unfulfilled. Even if we find the person we think we wanted, eventually, we find out that it too leaves us feeling empty. The emptiness inside can only be filled by ourselves and our relationship to the Divine. No one but ourselves can do that. We must cultivate self-love in order to love.

So my sense is you must work on developing your own sense of self-worth and self-love in order to be in a lasting relationship. Relationships are not two halves making a whole. That will not last. Relationships are two whole people coming together to celebrate the gift of life. The love and respect they feel for themselves is amplified in their connection. The other one does not fill the other up. Each one already is full, ready to share, learn and grow. It is a bit like how a fruit needs to ripen before it is savoured. We must each ripen in our own way to be ready to truly love. To have a solid, loving, lasting relationship, we must learn to love ourselves.

From my experience, in a committed relationship for the past seven years (my anniversary comes up this month), even when we meet our partner with fullness, there is lots of room for growth. A partnership is like two universes coming together. Jointly, we co-create possibility. If we are not ripe in ourselves, if we are wanting, we will co-create impossibilities and pull each other down. We must be rooted in the positive possibilities of being, in order to co-create with another person in the positive possibilities. Then, when the proverbial "shit hits the fan" and we encounter conflict, we can look at the conflict from a healthy, rooted and expansive point of view, not one that threatens our very existence. If our self esteem revolves around another person loving us, we have placed our relationship to ourselves in something that is non-permanent and bound to change and cause pain. If our self-love is founded on our relationship with the Divine, then we have a rooted sense of self that is fed by the infinite. We then begin to see relationship as a spacious process of shared witnessing. We each are called in a co-creative relationship, to witness each other's fullness of being with delight and joy, and to be compassionately present when there is suffering and the opportunity for growth. That process of witnessing is the foundation of eternal love.

I go over the issue of self love and relationships in depth in the blog entry "I Suck, Please Love Me".

Thank you for this week's questions. I hope you have found my answers useful in some way.

Don't forget that today is the last day to send in your questions to be drawn by lottery for next week's blog topic. Please send in your questions to ask@parvatidevi.com.

Have a wonderful weekend,
Parvati

Ask Parvati 27: Addiction - Part 2: What Is Addiction?

PART 2: WHAT IS ADDICTION?

(Continued from Where Is Addiction?)

Addiction is a serious disease that affects millions globally. The American Society of Addiction Medicine defines addiction as "a primary, chronic disease of brain reward, motivation, memory and related circuitry." In the truest sense, addiction is a compulsion to be involved with a substance or activity despite the negative and harmful consequences associated with it. As such, addiction alters brain chemistry, making users dependent on either a substance or an action in order to sustain and maintain that particular chemistry.

From a psychological perspective, addiction is a compulsive activity that hinders the quality of life. When do you know, for example, if a few drinks every day after work, makes you an alcoholic? People with this habit are likely to say that they can stop at any time. Perhaps they can. So then what makes them an alcoholic?

To find out if a habit like that makes you an alcoholic you need to see if the habit is negatively affecting the quality of your life and the close ones around you. In order to see if it is negatively affecting the quality of your life, you need to be willing to look honestly at yourself. The notion of “negative effect” can be overt, like bankruptcy, divorce, contemplating suicide. Or it can be subtler. For example, perhaps you feel that having a drink is more comforting than speaking with your children or spouse. The drink, which seems to simply "take the edge off", is in fact building a wall between what you feel and your ability to be honest with yourself. Because of that habit, your relationship with your spouse and children suffer. If this is the case, the alcohol habit is an addiction.

I adore the quote attributed to the Buddha, which I feel sums up so succinctly the way our minds work:

“Watch your thoughts, for they become words.

Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habits.

Watch your habits, for they become character.

Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.”

There is an important difference between habit and addiction. When we are addicted, we are identified with the habit. That habit defines who we are. It is our identity. We can no longer differentiate between that action and who we are. We fully believe that that drink, or that joint or that hit will take the pain away. It defines our reality.

When we are sober and face a habit, we can see that it either hinders or serves us. We have the self-awareness, the discipline and the willingness to alter that habit and choose healthier ones. In the case of addiction, we identify with that habit as who we are and cannot see it or the possibility of being free from it, so it continues.

In this way, I understand that addiction to a substance may not be the root of addiction. Addiction can come in the form of thoughts, such as a perpetual core belief with which we have fully identified. For example, the idea “I am ugliness” or even “I am darkness” could be so all-consuming that we end up acting in ways that feed that identification. Feeling like a victim would feed that identity. Feeling others are against us would feed it as well. We can believe that we are empty and need to be filled. We then may turn compulsively to substances, work, sports, people or even to religious practices as a means to try to fill ourselves up. We have identified with darkness and act in ways that only feed that reality, until we wake up to the reality that we are not darkness, but are in fact beings of infinite light.

This form of psychological addiction can come in any form. Perhaps it is the idea “I am not enough”, or “I am a nobody”, or “I am incapable”. Any of these kinds of self-effacing thoughts, when we identify with them as who we are, become an addiction. These distorted, root thought forms, when they become our identity, then in turn fuel secondary addictive behaviors, such as substance abuse.

EXERCISE

1) Take a look at what actions in your life are compulsive. See if they negatively affect the quality of your life.

2) Go within, go deeper and ask yourself, are there any core beliefs that seem so pesky that they have become the way you simply see yourself and reality?

3) If you have identified yourself and your reality in impossibilities, are you wiling to see otherwise?

(Continued tomorrow with Hitting Bottom)

Ask Parvati 26: Follow Your Bliss - Part 2, Name It To Claim It

PART 2: NAME IT TO CLAIM IT

(Continued from Whose Life Are You Living?)

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”
 - Eleanor Roosevelt

I have shared in these blog entries the need for us to challenge our core beliefs, because there we find the voices of external authority that we have internalized, which are not the voice of our soul. We need to ask ourselves, who is really in the driver’s seat of our lives? Is it our soul joy? Or are we trying to please our mother, our father, our schoolteacher or our religious leader? We need to look at what is writing the story of our life and reclaim authorship over it. Our unconscious patterns are part of creating our reality until we have the courage to look within and find out what is really going on.

In my case, the depression and ill health I experienced when I was in architecture was a gift from my soul that helped me wake up to live the life that expresses my joy. Living the life of an artist is not an easy one. I understand why my parents, though they encouraged my artistic skills, discouraged it as a career path. There is tremendous financial uncertainty and stress and there is a transparency that happens when we put our expression out into the world. For me the uncertainty has provided the most powerful spiritual seedbed for the cultivation of faith. It has fueled my spiritual growth in ways I could not have imagined. Then need for transparency helps me every day to face my shadows and purify my ego so that my personality and consciousness may be rooted in service and humility.

When I am asked today for guidance on a career as an artist, I always say, you must really love it, because it is not easy. But because what I do feels connected to why I am here on the planet, I feel connected to my soul voice and so very alive when I engage in artistic work. It is not like I am doing a job when I work on music. I am engaged with life and evolving spiritually. My artistic career feels like my spiritual path. I feel aligned with my purpose.

Part of letting go of living for other people’s dreams is being able to articulate our own dreams. We may judge the idea of dreaming as a waste of time and not even allow ourselves to go there. Before we have begun to connect to our soul voice and our purpose, we have already sabotaged ourselves by judging it as useless.

Once we determine whose life we are living and what voices we are listening to that silence our own, we begin to find the space to express even to ourselves who we are. “I love painting! My dream is to be a full time artist!” Or perhaps “I love flying airplanes. My dream is to fly jumbo jets!” Once we are honest with ourselves, we can be honest with the world and begin to take the necessary steps to make our dreams a reality.

In this clear, inner honesty, we can hear the call of our soul adventure. We can hear our soul speak, because we are now open and listening. We may feel some fear, but we are starting to realize that to resist our soul voice is to live in unhappiness. Though the fear of newness is great, we open to possibility. We welcome the new. We know that if we don’t, our life will remain the same and we will be unhappy. When we say yes to ourselves, doors begin to open and we see things that before were blind to us.

Joseph John Campbell was an American mythologist, writer and lecturer. He had a lifelong passion for the study of the cohesive threads in mythology that seemed to run through disparate human cultures. He spoke actively about the Hero’s Journey, something that we all must face if we are to follow our bliss. It was he who coined the phrase, "follow your bliss". Campbell said: “If you follow your bliss, doors will open for you that wouldn't have opened for anyone else.” What inspiration!

Here is a quote Campbell interestingly said he derived from the Upanishads, inspired by the word Sat-chit-ananda (Truth-Consciousness-Bliss), the high yogic state of bliss. He said, “If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are—if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time.”

To me that is a perfect summation of what it means to live in the positive possibilities versus impossibilities. When we live in the positive possibilities, we embrace the notion of support and interconnection and doors do open that were closed to us before. If we remain in the impossibilities, we remain closed and disconnected from who we truly are.

When we name it to claim it, we align ourselves with our soul voice and our life begins to move in support of our highest purpose. Though we will be tested, though we still face fear and doubt, we have begun our own hero’s journey, our soul path. And so it begins…

(Continues tomorrow with Managing Fear And Doubt)

Ask Parvati 25: Depression And Despair - Part 5: The Power Of Perception And Core Beliefs

PART 5: THE POWER OF PERCEPTION AND CORE BELIEFS

(Continued from Depression And Anger)

We are what we think ourselves to be. We are what we perceive. We are what we believe. I am not suggesting that life can be summed up by “you think, therefore you become”. We are part of a vast whole within which we co-create. We are not a singular, linear system that has absolute control. We have the power of free will and the ability to choose how we think, act and react.

What we think, believe, perceive and feel deeply affects the quality of our life. In the cave of depression and when we witness despair, we can feel safe to look within and challenge our core beliefs. We may be holding on to outdated beliefs about ourselves, about others and about the world that keep us small and hidden. The cave of depression can become an incubator for newness, just as when we were in the womb. In the practice of witnessing, we become open to the field of possibility and learn to see things as they are, allowing ourselves to flourish in the fullness of the whole.

We live in a world that still does not quite value the feminine qualities of receptivity, introspection, emotional fluidity, and intuition as much as we value the masculine qualities of productivity, order, logical reasoning and taking charge. Depression, I believe, is prevalent today partly due to our inability socially to know how to feel comfortable with the notion of life unfolding organically.

We are organic beings. We do not have it all figured out. Most of us have little understanding of what is actually happening in the now, let alone what happened a few minutes ago or yesterday. We certainly don’t know what will happen tomorrow. We live in a natural world that is huge and mysterious. Imagine the incredible depth and perfect chaos that you see when you look at all the leaves of a tree! They are all different. They all have their unique place. They all flutter in the wind in their own way. Yet they are all connected to the same trunk.

We cannot expect ourselves to have things all figured out. Ultimately, we are not in control. We have free will, which is the power of choice. We learn to make wise, whole, full, well-rounded choices in the moment that are fed by the voice of our soul, which is connected to the magnificence of the universe. We learn to live in the fullness of not knowing. When we let go of trying to have it all figured out, we may just find we start enjoying the perfection of this moment as it is, rather than trying to make it into something it is not.

Imagine a world where you feel you can say how you are feeling without being judged. Imagine that it is ok to not know exactly when you are going to complete a task. Imagine that others trust that you are doing the best you can at any given moment. Imagine that you are fully supported exploring an intuitive relationship with yourself, with your unique personal healing.

What if I suggested that that world already exists? What if I suggested that it exists in the perfection of the now? As we let go of core beliefs that keep us small and as we challenge our perceptions, we see that ultimately, we are all just doing the best we can. There is a lot of suffering on the planet. We all have the capacity for growth and change. Some people embrace the positive possibilities. Some stay in the impossibilities. The choice is up to each one of us. If we could look at ourselves with the eyes of the angels and give ourselves the love they have for us! Perhaps, if we were open, we might just see that the angels are among us…

(Continues tomorrow with The Angels Are Among Us)

 

Ask Parvati 25: Depression and Despair, Part 1

I have been receiving wonderful feedback about this blog. Thank you for reading and for sharing your feedback. There is a comment section at the end of each entry where you are welcome to leave your remarks.

Thank you too for your continuing to send in your questions. Each week, I randomly pick a question to answer from the submissions, which must be in by Thursday. If you have a question you would like answered, send yours in to ask@parvatidevi.com by Thursday each week.

I post the first part of my answer every Sunday and following portions each day throughout the week until my answer is complete. This week, we look at depression and despair.

Dear Parvati,

I have had a tough time with periods of depression and despair. I have tried medications but am not finding lasting relief. I wondered if you could talk a bit about how to overcome depression and despair.

PART 1: DEPRESSION AND DESPAIR

When we are depressed, we feel sad and heavy. When we are despaired, we feel alone and disconnected. In darker emotional states, we can feel unable to deal with our lives, overwhelmed sometimes by even the smallest things, like going outside to collect the mail.

Out of habit and sometimes due to socialization, we try to push our feelings away. We don’t like them. We may feel that they betray our image of ourselves. We may feel too exposed and out of control. We may feel that we will not be loved if we show our true colours. We don’t want to talk about the painful stuff, the things that hurt. We don’t know how to get out of the heaviness, the feeling of burden, the feeling of no hope and being at a dead end.

No one wants to be depressed. No one enjoys feeling despair. Yet we all face depression and despair at one time or another in our lives.

Depression is not the same as despair. When we are despaired, we feel no hope. Despair is a state of consciousness, co-creating in the impossibilities. Depression is biochemical listlessness that causes difficulty activating. When we feel depressed, we may feel the possibility that things could change, yet we feel unable to find the zest to reactivate and reconnect with our vitality and engaged living. When we feel despair, we don’t feel possibility. When we are depressed, life can seem like a movie going on in front of us. We feel out of the picture, unsure how to reenter the fullness of life. When we feel despair, we don’t even believe in the picture and don’t care to reenter it.

For some, depression and despair are an ongoing struggle that colour every day of their lives. With the desire to find relief from the heaviness, people can turn to medical help, to exercise for endorphin release, to all encompassing projects that create singular focus or to entertainment and drugs for temporary distraction and numbness. But none of these will provide lasting solutions. We must go deeper.
Clinical depression is different than occasional depression that we can all feel from time to time. It is a mood disorder that interferes with the ability to conduct a healthy life. In clinical depression, there are biochemical factors, which are beyond the scope of this blog. Clinical depression is for your doctor to diagnose and requires medical attention.

However, whether you suffer from a medical condition or a passing case of the blues, we can explore the landscape of depression and despair with similar care and attention, on top of any additional support you may be receiving for your particular situation. Over the coming days, I would like to do that with you here.

(Continues tomorrow with Witnessing Despair)

 

Ask Parvati 17: Standing Your Ground, Part 3: Witness, Release

 

PART THREE: WITNESS, RELEASE

 

(Continued from: Standing Sacred Ground)

 

When we feel rooted, vital and expansive, our feet are like magnets that anchor us to the Earth, which in turn feeds us, supports us and gives us the foundation we need to build our lives. We then can receive the support we need to remain present, within ourselves, sensing our inner being for what we feel, what we need, how to move in each moment. We are connected.

 

From this vantage point, the person with whom we felt we needed to stand our ground becomes an opportunity to let go of feeling attacked, of feeling separate, of feeling unloved and unsupported. They become our teacher.

 

By practicing three simple steps when we feel attacked, scared or triggered, we can unwind our reactive tendency to defend, and learn to retrain our brain to see life from a whole new perspective.

 

Step One: Understanding

 

Understanding is our first step in moving from a fear-driven life to a life rooted in love and trust. When we understand the nature of the impossibilities, we understand that our reactivity and our defensiveness come from a limited sense of reality. When we react and are defensive, we are not seeing the whole picture. By having a limited perspective, we are short-changing ourselves of the fullness of this moment. We understand that what we see is a sort of mirage or illusion, like reflected light upon the sand looking like water. When a cloud covers the sun, we may only see the cloud, but we still know that the sun is still there, shining as bright as ever.

 

Step Two: Witness

 

Our second step in letting go of reactivity and defensiveness is learning to witness what is. When we learn to see things as they are without attaching an additional story over it, we free ourselves from becoming dramatically wrapped up in our perceptions and those of others. We begin to free ourselves of the grip of the ego and live in service to the flow.

 

Step Three: Release

 

Step three, release, happens as a result of step two. When we begin to see things as they are, we experience a letting go of the tendency to want to defend, to control, to see ourselves as separate. We realign ourselves with a much greater whole, of which we are a part.

 

Next time you find yourself feeling reactive, or having your buttons pushed, see if you can practice these three simple steps to keep you feeling rooted, vital and expansive:

 

1) Understanding

2) Witness

3) Release

 

(Concludes tomorrow: Yoga, Ground, Rebound)

 

Ask Parvati 7 – Cultivating the Sweetness of Humility

Ask Parvati 7 – Cultivating the Sweetness of Humility

Dear Parvati,

You mentioned in your last entry that a gem of a spiritual seeker will have a warm humility. I try to practice humility, but struggle with a tendency to go straight into self-loathing when I feel that I have done something egotistic. I feel this tendency is not humility. Can you explain a little more about humility and how it is different from beating yourself up?

I feel grateful for this question on a topic with which I am very much in process. I am no expert here, so I share some of what I have learned and witnessed so far on my journey. The lessons that have taught me aspects of humility have been among the toughest I have experienced, but also the sweetest. As the hard shell of the coconut cracks to reveal sweet meats, so too the hardness of our ego must dissolve in order to experience the nectar of lasting bliss.

Humility is an essential spiritual quality that we must all learn to cultivate if we are to walk the spiritual path. Because of the powerful strength found in the deep softness of humility, this topic is often easily misunderstood. I acknowledge its sweet immensity in wonder and awe.

Part of the process of evolution is learning to find a balanced relationship between the temporal and the eternal, the mundane and the cosmic. We are vast, radiant beings, like shining stars, learning to face, with grace and ease, situations and events that may make us feel constrictive.

Our life events are a reflection of our previous karmic tendencies (residue from our past) and an opportunity to flow within the divine play of pure consciousness arising. We learn to soften and welcome this moment, open to the teachings and the wisdom within it that give us what we need to let go of that which no longer serves, and embrace the fullness of who we are.

Just as a star eventually collapses and goes supernova, along the spiritual path there is a death of who we think ourselves to be, in order to become eternally free. The key elixir in the process of this death is the deceptively powerful force of humility. Humility has the alchemical power of transforming the base metals of our previous karmic tendencies into the gold of this moment.

The power of humility is a balanced dance within form and formlessness, where we understand that to meet this moment, to let go, to embrace what is, allows the stars that we are to be born into supernovae. As such, humility is a refined state of consciousness that both guides and teaches us on our spiritual path.

What makes humility so powerful is that it provides us with a balanced attitude of being an integral part within a vast and immense whole. Only in being humble can we truly learn to embrace this moment in all that it brings. Only in being humble can we truly learn to let go of how we want things to be, and learn what we need. Only in being humble are we rooted, vital and expansive enough to realize our true nature. We all cast shadows on this earth. The more we stand in pride, judgment and in illusions of grandeur, the deeper our shadow. By being willing to kneel in gratitude, bow in reverence, let go in wonder, the depth of our shadow decreases. And the death that we experience is the death of the temporal, the death of “me”, “mine” and “I”.

We commonly think of humility as a sheepish, apologetic state, which in itself speaks of a shadow of the ego. The ego is tricky, yet is also quite simple. It expresses itself in any feeling that makes us feel greater than or less than.

The Buddhist practice speaks of near enemies. For example, the near enemy of the sophisticated state of compassion would be sympathy. To be sympathetic for someone is a very different state than to be compassionate. So in the same way, nobodyness can often be misunderstood as humility. Nobodyness would be more along the lines of the ego’s tricky play of feeling less than, which is often rooted in self-loathing or shame.

Self-loathing can come in various forms. It can be an active aggression against oneself, or a more passive attachment to a sense of self-disgust. It is perhaps useful to think of self-loathing as the personality’s misguided understanding of the energy flow in this moment. This misguided understanding brings one into the experience of an emotional dead end, feeling trapped with no way out. The pattern of self-loathing becomes a self-sabotage technique that pulls us away from the fullness of the moment and into a disconnected, painful state.

Of course, there is the potential for the vicious cycle of loathing the self-loathing, which just generates more suffering. The opportunity for us is, once we realize we are in a pattern of self-loathing, to stop, to breathe, and allow ourselves to be right here, right now. It is natural to feel overwhelmed when we first start to practice this. It’s like a new muscle that takes time to develop. So continue to bring your awareness back to whatever this moment is for you.

And in that space, the tendency for self-loathing will likely return. But in that space, we can begin to witness it rather than react to it and give it energy. In the process of witnessing it, we can begin to make different choices, choices rooted in a more connected sense of self, choices inspired by the freedom of humility.

It takes humility to learn to release this misunderstanding of your true nature and begin to consciously choose different avenues of expression. Life is an ongoing opportunity for us to meet face-to-face the results of our previous actions. We can resist, dislike, judge and feel ashamed of what we see as a reflection of who we are; or we can choose to move a new way, out of the dead end and into the flow. The ability to see clearly that we have been self-loathing requires humility, asking us to soften to what is, to find a middle place that is neither mired in a painful tendency nor steeped in avoidance. This humility holds within it both the gentleness required to meet the moment and the alignment to an energy greater than the self, that is in service to evolution. So rather than fighting or avoiding self-loathing, humility teaches us to see it as it is, accept it in all its colours, and return to our connection, to our radiant star-like reality, and shine.

We can feel resistance to realizing that we are stars, let alone to knowing that we can go supernova. In the last blog entry, we explored the trickiness of the ego and how all that shimmers may not be light. So to even come into alignment with the realization that we are stars requires humility. To say “Hey, wow, look at me, I’m a brilliant star!” or to sheepishly avoid shining, are both expressions of ego-driven disconnect. Humility teaches us a relaxed acceptance of our true nature, that we are perfect beings within a perfect universe, with imperfect qualities that require conscious attention to refine.

We are perfectly equipped with everything we need to evolve. It takes humility to maintain a non-comparative, non-judgmental point of view so that we can just get on and do our work just as we are and be in a relaxed, celebratory state of awareness that we are within an intelligent, vast whole.

I cannot say whether one arrives into a permanent state of humility, because on my journey so far, I am very much in a deepening, ongoing evolutionary process with it. But sages remind us of a reality in which all aspects of the ego dissolve and we experience a continual flow of unity consciousness and bliss. May you find the light, playful wonder to meet the moment with humility so that you may realize the fullness of who you are.

North Pole Journey: Back in Toronto, a dream of the Goddess

The morning of September 30, 2010

The morning after I arrive back home from the North Pole, I wake up having had a most potent dream:

BEING WITH THE GODDESS

I was far north. I had no sense of bearing. I was just very north, looking for my spiritual community. I met the Goddess there in a co-op building with food supplies.

When I saw Her, I was surprised and overjoyed but I did not lose my breath or feel an energy rush as I have in the past when seeing Her. Instead, I felt equal. She was open, present, looking at me just as I was looking at Her.

She embraced me and told me good job, that She was very pleased. She said I must be careful about feeling not enough. This was an impossibilities trickiness tendency and would wear me down to the point of not being able to do this work. I thought of my health and the need to make sure I remain caring of my own physical needs. Then She let me massage Her feet and adore them for a long time.

She spoke to me about my next lessons, that which I am to embody. But it was as though She suddenly spoke in another language. I told Her I did not understand and asked Her to please repeat the teaching. But again the words transformed into a language I could not understand. I told Her so and She said I was not ready yet to know but that She would show me. There is no need to worry. I realized that I thought I knew so much but now I see I know nothing. The immensity of the Goddess!

Her eyes looked wild. I was filled with awe in understanding that I was looking into the eyes of Death. I felt like I had seen that brilliant, dark flash in the eyes of the Inuit hunters. But this was not the flash of darkness I have seen in the eyes of many who call themselves spiritual. When I saw this, I understood and Her eyes became those of the Goddess Kali.

Then She put Herself playfully into a bag of rice, like a child in a placenta. We were giggling together and playing. I picked Her up in the bag and held Her on my lap like a small child. I had a moment of concern that She could not breathe so I opened the bag and stroked Her hair. Though Her body was Her usual size, She was completely weightless. It was as though we merged.

Through this exchange, She had given me a stack of papers that I needed to deliver to the store of my spiritual community. People would value these. I gave them to the store but people were confused. They were expecting money instead of receiving these blessed papers. I did not know what to do. I just knew I had to not be attached and now deal with practical matters. She will show me the next steps.

North Pole Journey: Day Four, Part Three

Day Four: Sunday September 26, 2010

Part Three

AT THE NORTH POLE

It feels as though we have arrived on the moon. The plane seems even tinier now that we have touched down onto the vast field of pure white, untouched ice and snow. To the East, the wind has carved a few sculpted, hills made of solid ice. The snow extends as far as I can see, far out over the flat, vast ocean that is capped by solid ice, upon which we stand. The pale blue, expansive sky blends with the pale blue tinge of the snow, giving the impression of otherworldly groundlessness and infinite reach in all directions.

We are here for two reasons: for me to perform my songs at the top of the world and to do healing work for the planet Earth. Both of these are to help raise awareness of the speed with which the ice now beneath our feet is melting. In just a few years, we will be among the few who were able to stand here.

That thought seems hard to believe, as it is now -25C, yet this is unseasonably “warm” weather for this location. We were told that at this time of year, it was dangerous for us to land as the ice is thin. I also know that just as the Earth’s physical pollution is carried by wind currents and tragically collects at the top of the world, so too, the Earth’s psychic pollution gathers here. This was part of the call to come. At the crown of the body of our Mother Earth, we can, through song and prayer, offer our presence as service to ease the suffering She endures due to our human ignorance.

Sunanda, Rishi and I launch into high gear to get our work done in the short time frame. We have three hours here until we must board the plane for our safe return. The clock is ticking. We have scheduled for ourselves one hour to shoot the video of my performance and two hours to do the healing work we have come to do. All our actions needed to be trim, prompt and focused, especially with quickly fading light. Immediately we go to the task of shooting me singing four songs at the North Pole.

We are usually a strong, harmonious group, but almost as soon as we land, each one of us becomes anxious, pushy, cranky and tense with each other. One could say our behaviour is simply a reflection of the pressures of the day. Yet I know otherwise. The tricky energies here are seeping into our psyches. There is interference which does not wish our success. We must not only be on our toes to get our tasks done but we must be more inwardly alert than ever to be present as karma yogis, those dedicated to selfless service through action. I feel strengthened with the thought that our group of volunteers we call the Earth Team and the spiritual community we belong to in Toronto are actively praying for us and supporting the success of this mission.

NOT ALL THAT SHIMMERS IS GOLD

Our first task is to look for the ideal location to shoot the performance footage. We need something that will capture the immensity of where we are. Strong light is key. We see in the distance a gorgeous spread of golden light across the snow as the sun begins its descent behind the plane. We decide to walk towards this shimmering expanse as fast as possible and set up the shoot.

Five minutes, ten minutes, fifteen minutes go by trudging with effort through snow and ice as high as our knees. I turn back and see the plane has become a dot in the distance. My heart skips a few beats as I crouch down to push away the snow at my feet and reveal thick, translucent ice. The image of polar animals swimming below me flashes through my mind. I am not on solid land. I am in the middle of nowhere and, now, far from the safety of our plane, the pilots, their rifle and our gear.

I realize that we have made a rookie mistake and already spent a quarter of the time we have for the video shooting, and we are no closer to our golden location. Panic sets in. I quickly conclude that, likely similar to being in a sandy desert, now in this snow desert, without any points of reference, that which seems close is in fact much further away than what our senses can perceive.

I stop abruptly and the sound of crunching ice and snow beneath my feet also ceases. I understand that we are chasing a sparkling, fractal illusion of light. We believe we are moving closer to it, yet it is quickly receding from us, drawing us further and further away from safety and now sabotaging our mission. I call out to Sunanda and Rishi who also stop walking. I suggest we set up our shot exactly where we are with the light we have left before we lose it altogether. This is our one and only chance to get the shots we needed. We cannot spend any more time seeking “the perfect light”. This is the perfect place to be. So we begin.

Healthy Planet, Healthy People

I am about to embark on a journey to the North Pole. For those of you who know me as a singer/producer, I will do a performance-art piece on the icy shores of the Arctic Ocean just 200km south of the 90 degrees North Pole, to help raise awareness of the melting polar ice caps and the global impact on our delicate ecosystem. For those of you who know me as a healer, I will also facilitate energy work directly on our Mother Earth, very much in stress at this time.

Through my blogs, we have been exploring the power of relationships as vehicles for spiritual evolution. We have touched upon the notion of how all we see is a reflection our own state of consciousness. There are no coincidences, but absolute perfection arising from one moment to the next. Our external world provides all we need to wake up, to love ourselves, to love others and to be fully receptive to this moment and the richness is has to offer, in whatever form it comes. Right here, right now, we have all we need to drop the sorry story and awaken I AM.

The relationships we have explored have been with ourselves and with people. All the same principles apply to the relationship we have with the Earth, our mother, our physical home and sustainer while we are in human form. The bodies we temporarily borrow and the material land, air, water, fire and ether we need to live are all part of Her. She is all matter, our mother. We are connected to her in a very practical, life-sustaining way and in a deeply mystical, spiritual way.

LIFE FORCE ENERGY

I feel the global ecological crisis is a wake up call for us all, a call to awaken I AM, the magnificence of who we are. The planet reflects how we collectively treat ourselves, each other and our environment. A collective is only as strong as its individuals. If we want to change our environment, we need to transform ourselves.

What happens most of the time when you yell at someone? If you could see it in slow motion, you would see that person shrivel and close. If you could see energy, you would see that person’s energy shrink and their light fade.

What would happen if we were to yell at a flower? Would it too not shrink, shrivel and fade? Scientific studies have shown that plants respond to sound, much the way humans do. Play repeated, loud, harmful sounds with harsh vibrations to a plant and it literally dies. Play it pleasant, soothing, inspiring sounds and it thrives.

Thoughts are also vibrations. When we think angry thoughts, we emit that vibration. We all know the expression “my ears are burning”: the implied consequences of gossip and the heat of ego being expressed about another.

To me, metaphorically, the planet is like a huge, expanding and evolving flower. It is a complex living organism with intelligence, sense and wisdom beyond what we can truly know and understand. It continually responds to the energy we put out and we respond to it. As such our environment is a huge mirror to our collective state of global consciousness.

Throughout the world at this time, many people are consciously or unconsciously driven by fear and greed, living with short-term desires to get rather than give and serve. Most of us are taught to look out for “me”, rather than think about and care for “we”. In my song 911-1-L-O-V-E, which I hope to perform at the North Pole, the character I play called Natamba, a first timer to the Earth, picks up the phone and calls God to share what she sees on the planet: “A lot of people seem to be suffering. The air is more polluted than ever. Clean drinking water is scarce. People are hungry, hungry for food, but also very much hungry for love. So hungry in fact that there seems to be an epidemic, a disease called greed eating people’s souls. It is like people have forgotten who they are and why they are here on the planet, driven by an energy of wanting, wanting, wanting, living with short-term vision, looking out only for number one. People’s inner world seems polluted so our outer world is polluted.”

Most of us do not know or care how our food gets to our table or how it was grown. Most of us don’t know the tailor or cobblers that made our clothes and shoes. We can buy mangos in January in Canada that have traveled thousands of miles at the cost of gallons of fossil fuels and emitting pounds of greenhouse gases. We in the West have the privilege of clean drinking water, shelter and food. We are so very, very blessed. Yet we have lost touch with the impact of our actions on our environment, how what we think, feel and do affects all beings, everywhere, including the planet herself. We have lost touch with the cycles of Nature. We feel we can control, outsmart, out-do Nature. And Nature cries louder than ever to be heard: I am here.

What about the current natural disasters? What about global food and shortages? What about the floods, droughts, hurricanes? Like a person fighting a raging fever, building internal heat to shake off an invasive bug, so too, to me, the planet is feverish, trying to shake off the weight we put on her: the physical toxins we emit in the air, water and food, and the etheric toxins we emit in selfish actions and distorted thoughts. We live disconnected, thinking somehow we will find the love we seek by wanting more. Yet we are already love. We are already loved. I hear our mother calling us to stop. Make amends. Practice humility. Listen to one another. Listen to the still, small voice within. Reconnect with the beauty we already are, but have forgotten. We are all her children. We come from her. We sustain her as she sustains us. We go back to her. She is the mother we all share.

We need Nature as much as Nature needs us. For me, this is a call to conscious action. The pain I see in Nature is not something I can passively watch, just like I would not walk away from a person in distress. Like a hit and run, we outpour toxins onto our mother, and keep on going, expecting no consequence for our actions.

The pain I see is a call to action. Our wealth is global health. The vitality in nature gives me the energy to help create a world where all people can experience immersion in that beauty, in that health - everywhere. That is why I created Yoga In the Nightclub – to touch, inspire, expand and evolve; to align myself with Nature. That is why I felt moved to start the Earth Team, a group of volunteers that meet weekly to support evolutionary work. That is what my Positive Possibilities projects are about. That which I see in trees and flowers is that which I tap into in my daily meditation practice. Nature embodies the love we seek. Being connected to such is that which fuels all my actions to support all beings being liberated. How could I turn away from others who are in pain, suffering? I am not free until all beings are free. That is what Nature reminds me. For this, I feel so blessed.

CONNECT TO SERVE

Within each breath is perfection, infinite, still space and pure action. Inhale, allowing the notion of beingness to settle into each cell. Breathing out, allow yourself to be, absence of wanting, in a state of receptivity to this moment and the immensity of it.

As we go deeper, touch the way you are connected to Nature and interconnected to all. In that stillness, what do you find? Do you feel deeper expansion, a settling in, a receptivity to going deeper still? Be with such. Expand. If you feel resistance, allow yourself to settle more and be present with what is. Understand the unwillingness as a habit of deep tension, the mind being like a fist caught in muscular grip. This will settle. Keep breathing and allow things to be.

Go deeper. Imagine how every cell of your body is born on the Earth. There is no separation. By finding the connection to Nature itself, how she not only runs through your veins, but is the very stuff of which our veins are made, do you feel a love, a connection and a call to action? As a child of the Earth, as a steward of the land, do you feel the call to give voice in communion with Nature to help protect the life that sustains all?

Maybe you feel you have gone deep enough. You feel the impulse to get up from your meditation cushion and walk out your door to open an organic cafe or turn your company policies to 100% green. Or maybe you decide to start tithing a portion of all you make to helping Nature, protect wildlife, plant trees, save our water systems. Whatever it is, it is there, a voice that is waiting to be heard by each one of us, and belonging to us all. That voice is Her call, reminding us all that we are not alone.

As I travel to the North Pole in the coming days, I will be updating this blog more regularly with thoughts, reflections and feelings. What an immense journey to the crown of our mother’s body! We are all journeying together.

May all be well. May all be happy. May all be at peace.

In service,

Parvati

I AM: Natamba

I AM: NATAMBA

In my last blog, I shared a bit about what I understand of the Impossibilities and the Positive Possibilities. Once we allow ourselves to choose life in the Positive Possibilities, I AM consciousness begins to arise and our lives flower.

As a continuation of my last entry, in this blog I share my understanding of I AM consciousness. I also share how I feel my current show and album "Natamba" are an expression of my I AM journey.

Please enjoy and feel free to post comments or ask questions.
May all beings everywhere be happy.
Lokah samasthah sukhino bhavantu.
Parvati

I AM

I AM: the expansive experience of interconnection to all, through all, of all in each moment…pure consciousness arising. There have been moments I have experienced this. First though, must come the practice of rooting my life in the positive possibilities of being, a state in which I unequivocally know that my true nature is Love. In the positive possibilities I know and experience that I am loved in each moment, connected beyond the grasp of the limited mind to and within a vast, mysterious whole, of which I am an integral part. In this, there is release of the impossibilities tendency to grasp, repulse, constrict and try to control the moment. In the Positive Possibilities I meet this moment, without resistance, and witness what is. In that space of what is, I AM arises, and so flows the expression of pure consciousness. The positive possibilities is the fertile soil for I AM consciousness to grow.

NATAMBA

My life focus is the realization of the One. Art is a vehicle through which I express and explore this journey. "Natamba" is Grace for me. It provides me with an opportunity to activate, live and share the spaciousness and release I practice in sitting meditation. It provides me with a playground in which to practice non-attachment, to witness what is, to expand and share the joy of being alive.

Yoga is so much more than a series of bendy exercises for physical health. These are only an aspect of Hatha Yoga, the yoga that awakens pure consciousness through exercises that purify the body/mind. There are many branches of Yoga, from Hatha yoga, to Karma yoga, which focuses on self-realization through selfless service, seeing the love-light energy within all things, especially those in need. Yoga is a vast life science that explores and reveals to us our true selves, beyond the grasp of our limited ego and personal will.

The show and album Natamba celebrate the non-duality of life, that we are indeed expressions of the divine. Through song, lights, sound and theatrical elements, we are brought through a journey of transformation, beginning in the desolate landscape of isolation and despair of reptilian interference, to the lush expansion of Avalonian consciousness flowering on Earth. Natamba teaches us that yoga is everywhere: each moment, be it in a nightclub or in a meditation hall, provides us with seeds to awaken to who we really are.


www.parvatimusic.com

Positive Possibilities and Impossibilities

Through my spiritual practice, I have come to understand that consciousness - is. Yet in each moment, we have the possibility, through deepening our awareness of what is, to co-create with the consciousness that arises in each moment. In this process, there are two primary directives or energy tendencies. One is a movement towards the Positive Possibilities, the other towards the impossibilities.

In this blog, I would like to share briefly what I understand it means to live in the Positive Possibilities and what it means to live in the impossibilities. I hope you find the information useful. I welcome your questions and comments.

May all beings everywhere be happy.
Lokah samastha sukhino bavanthu
Parvati

Living in the Positive Possibilities:

Living in the Positive Possibilities is not about "being positive", an attitude that willfully conjures up a state of mind to overcome, with effort, a sense of adversity. "I am feeling lousy but I will try to feel positive." A world based on the Positive Possibilities is a world where each one of us knows that we are a loved, welcomed and an integral part of a much greater intelligent whole. Our very essence is experienced as love, which is the essential energy of life itself.

What is meant by “love” is neither the common notion of sentimental romance nor the feeling of being attached to things, but the expansive, ever present reality of wisdom-compassion. A person who is fully resonant in the Positive Possibilities knows within each cell that he or she is wisely interconnected to all things in a way that the limited mind, or ego, cannot grasp or comprehend. A person resonant in the Positive Possibilities understands that to love oneself unconditionally is to love all things equally.

I wrote about this in my song “Precious” after an awakening experience I had when I lived for a year in India. (You can take a listen, if you feel so moved, through the audio player on my website: http://www.parvatimusic.com/media/audio/). I realized “As I love myself, I love all things equally”. The only reality is love and love is all things. There is no separation. There is only a continuum of love that expands through all time and space. That is reality. A person resonant in the Positive Possibilities lives these truths moment to moment and understands that to do that which is respectful and loving to oneself is good for all. The Positive Possibilities is a connected and interconnected state of being.

The Illusion of the Impossibilities: 

Living in the impossibilities is like living life in a box, with walls built out of fear and disconnect. The ruler of that domain is a distorted sense of self, based on struggle, suffering and the belief in separation. This distorted self is determined to control and manipulate reality to suit its belief that there is no love, that one is not welcome on the planet.

The notion that the impossibilities are real is based on an erroneous perceptions of reality. How could this perception be real when all of Nature, all of existence is pure consciousness arising? Like an eddy stuck on the side of a beautiful, strong, flowing river, the impossibilities swirl around within itself, in an effort to self-perpetuate. One perceives daily events as against oneself. Life is experienced as a continual struggle, which perpetuates the sense of disconnect, loneliness and fear.

Consciousness stuck in the impossibilities is at the root of human suffering. In this state, one feels disconnected from love and therefore from life itself. The perception of this disconnect takes on a life of its own. One consciously or unconsciously attempts to prove that the disconnect is real and further the notion of disconnect. There is no evolution in that state, as the impossibilities keep one stuck, out of flow and out of the experience of eternal love. In the impossibilities, painful emotions such as judgment, loneliness, loss, guilt and shame, are born.

The Path of Possibility:

The way out of impossibilities is to fully realize that it is an illusion, perpetuated by our own attachment to an erroneous perception of reality. When we notice we are feeling mired and stuck, we can challenge the impossibilities by asking our self: “Is it true that I am not loved?” When we are open, ready and willing to release attachments to the impossibilities, the answer becomes: “No! The very essence of life itself is love. And I am of life. I am of Nature. I too am the stuff that is Nature. I am connected to everything, everywhere, always. I am love!”

The way out of the impossibilities is to fully under-stand -- to stand under, to be rooted in the Knowing that the impossibilities are not real. It is to see what a trip we are putting on our self! Life in the impossibilities is like staying stuck in a box, wondering where all the love has gone, when the love is in fact everywhere, all around and within. When we begin to understand that the impossibilities are not real, that they are an illusion, we no longer cling to them. They have no power, because the only power they had was the power we gave them. So we begin to let go of our attachment to them.

When we fully realize that the impossibilities are illusion, we let go and begin to be open, ready and willing. In that release, there is space, an ability to witness that which is. In that space of witnessing, possibility arises. In that moment, the Positive Possibilities are born. In that moment one can see that all along the sun was shinning. It was I who was standing under the rain cloud, wondering why life was so dark.