Ask Parvati 41: The Power of the Inner Child - Part 2: An Apple In An Orange Grove

(Continued from "Trading the Infinite for the Finite")

 

In our early years, as we focus on survival, we lose touch with the infinite. Our parents, and not the source of pure consciousness from which we came, become the centre of our universe. In this process of maturation and survival, we tend to take on habits that pull us from our original, natural and pure connection to source. We begin to believe that the imperfect beings that are our caregivers are the truest sources of our love. With this comes expectations and disappointments. We begin to barter, shift, twist and modify ourselves in order to try to find unconditional love from conditional beings. In the process, our relationship with the infinite and our true self weakens in order to make do with the finite. We once were connected to the source of pure consciousness, the place of unconditional love. Now we have traded that infinite connection for finite love.

 

Though we are creatively surviving, which is a great thing, we lose a part of ourself in the process. In order to become whole, to return the one source of pure unconditional love, we need to regain our sublimated connection to the eternal. What initially was natural instinct is subdued with shoulds, wants and desires that have moved us away from our most authentic selves. At a soul level, we know this. Yet we continue to look for unconditional love from finite, flawed and imperfect things, that is, our primary caregivers, which as we mature become our spouses, our bosses, our material possessions… We unconsciously pick life partners and bosses that mirror our parents, and material accolades and possessions that would fit their needs. We are still trying to get the infinite love we need, our divine connection, from the finite, until we wake up to realize this is not going to happen.

 

When we look for apples in an orange grove, we inevitably become disappointed. In order to free ourselves from this plight, we first need to realize that we are seeking apples. Then we need to understand that apples won't be found in an orange grove. Then we need to leave the orange grove and go to an orchard, the one that grows the apples we like, that are perfect for our unique self. This is part of the process of spiritual awakening. The apples are like the unconditional love we seek and our true nature. The orange grove is the landscape of our primary caregivers, our early, formative years and likely our present, unconscious environment and choices. The apple orchard is the place of spiritual growth that fosters the release of our ignorance and the cultivation of wisdom-compassion. The apple orchard is our spiritual and soulful home, where we awaken to realize our true nature, that we are infinitely connected to love, and always have been. We were simply looking in the wrong places.

 

From this perspective, we can learn to appreciate the oranges, and thank them for helping to show us our true nature. We realize we are not oranges, but apples, both fruit, but from unique trees with unique growth patterns. On this Earth, there is a place for it all, apples, oranges, ignorance and bliss in the process of evolution. Our wounded inner child is still convinced that he/she will find the apples from the orange grove. Our pure inner child knows the truth of its apple nature. When we heal the wounded child, we empower our inner child to reveal our true nature and help us remember who we truly are.

 

(Continued tomorrow with "Let The Child Take You Home")

Ask Parvati 40: Distractions - Keeping Your Eye On The Prize - Part 2: Is It An Opportunity, Or A Distraction?

(Continued from Focus, Discipline and Courage)

 

Every moment in every day counts. It is a valuable and powerful asset that we can use to build our dreams or squander our joy. We each have our own way to remain focused on our goals. Some will journal while others will visualize while others will self-talk and perhaps others do a combination of those. Whatever works for you, put that first in your day, every day. Make sure your goals are right up front and central in your life. Every day, give your life to yourself fully and completely, so you may serve the world. A closed hand cannot receive and an empty heart cannot give.

 

This brings to mind basketball. I enjoy basketball. The players have an agility and rhythm that I also see in dancers. The athletes in this game can at times seem to transcend time and gravity in a way that amazing artists can do. If you have been to a basketball game, you know that when a player is given the chance for a point shot, fans in the stands just behind the basket often furiously wave brightly coloured or neon wands to distract the shooter.

 

Sometimes it can feel like life is doing that to us, waving colourful, distracting wands by bringing forward all sorts of events and happenings that seem to pull our focus from our desired goal. But as a trained athlete knows, focus is an acquired skill: keep your mind in the game and eye on the prize. As we face the unfolding of our New Year's plans and resolutions, we too must learn to keep our eye on the prize.

 

Sometimes it seems we want life to be uni-dimensional, easy to predict and singular. But it is not. Every moment is filled with possibility, which is part of the magnificence and divine beauty of being alive. As I mentioned in an earlier blog on discernment, we must learn to clearly see along our path the difference between an opportunity that moves us towards our desired goals and a distraction that pulls us away from our true joy.

 

A few months ago, I was in a focused creative flow in my studio, working on new musical material. It was nothing short of feeling like I was in heaven. The project was time-sensitive and was due for submission the following day. I was totally committed to that success. Or was I?

 

While I was in the thick of the creative process, my doorbell rang. It was a friend who had spontaneously dropped by unannounced with a friend of his he really wanted me to meet. At first, I felt happy to see my friend and open to meeting his new friend, but then quickly realized that this meant that I was not in my studio creating. I did not know what to do.

 

My old habits kicked in, and the overly "nice" girl, who is afraid to say how she really feels and wants to make everyone happy, came out with a smile. Rather than making the visit short and saying it was not an ideal time for me, I offered them tea, then dinner and even a long visit in my studio. The new friend is a electronic music producer, so I was even further tempted and sidetracked by shop-talk and technical trick swapping.

 

One could argue that the visit was useful in terms of keeping me on path, because we did share information that could have helped my project. But why then, once they left, did I feel so depleted?

 

When we follow our path and do what is in alignment with our highest good, we feel rooted, vital and expansive, no matter what our mind may think or our emotional self may feel. Truth is always clear like a sharp sword.

 

With the unexpected visit, my emotional self kicked in with feelings of guilt, fuelled by my old childhood people-pleasing patterns. My mental self was seduced by the tempting tech talks, which I rationalized as being potentially useful. Meanwhile, my heart and soul were sinking. If I had a true commitment to the success of my goals and my deepest joy, I would have made a short visit and been more honest with my needs. In hindsight, I see that would have been completely fine. And frankly, people that I would consider friends would understand.

 

Where I got confused was in thinking that perhaps the spontaneous appearance was grace, helping me to fulfill my goals. But the grace was not in saying yes to the visit, but to learn to say no.

 

If we look at the basketball game, it is clear to us that the player is to keep his eye on his target and should not get distracted by the wiggling wands. Could you imagine if the athlete stopped the game, muscle tested, went inside, asked himself if the wiggling wands were a sign from God that he was supposed to miss his shot and instead pull out a dinner spread? We see that the idea is clearly ridiculous. But we can do that to ourselves daily, and many times a day.

 

Every day, take a moment first thing in the morning to review your goals for your life, your goals for this year and your goals for this day. Know what brings you joy. Imagine the day fully supporting your heart's desire.

 

You will be tested, but that is part of life. The wiggling wands will show up in the most unsuspected ways, like spontaneous knocks at your door that pull you away from your truest joy. Be your own world-class athlete and focus on shooting to score, in whatever way fills you with inspired grace.

 

Enjoy the gift of this day.

Parvati

 

PS: A reminder that Thursday is the deadline to submit questions for next week's Ask Parvati.

Ask Parvati 39: Overcoming Stage Fright and Performance Anxiety - Part 5: Taking Up Space

PART 5: TAKING UP SPACE: THE CO-CREATIVE FLOW

When I posted my blog Ask Parvati 23: The Voice - To Speak or Be Silent?, I
received a comment requesting more detailed information about the topic. The question was: "I am sometimes struggling with finding that right balance and express what is in my heart with authenticity and respect and not just blurting it out. Can you please say a little more about how to find that balance, if not in this blog, then perhaps in the next?" I feel, while we conclude the topic of stage fright, it is important to explore a little about how to find balance and flow when we take up more space. We live in a society with rules of conduct that help us to flow and not go bumping up against each other continually. But when the rules get out of hand and squelch the flow, then we need to take a step back and reassess the rules. Oppressive rules are a bit like having an overactive inner critique or judge inside our head.

It is easy to think that the pain and discomfort we feel is because of something that is happening "out there". Just like the thought, "it's happening to me", leads us into a place of victimhood and powerlessness, so too, the idea that others are the source of our pain will keep us from growing.

Playing it small is like an inner prison that once kept us feeling safe, but now keeps us trapped. We can free ourselves from this inner world of hiding when we learn to disarm our beliefs that the outside world is against us (happening "to" us). We tend to take things personally until we realize they are not about us. Our parents' bad day, when they yelled at us and had no time to hear our funny joke or new story, or see the drawing we made at school, becomes a reflection of us not being loved. But that is not true. Our parents, at that moment, were disconnected and did not feel love from themselves. So from an empty well of love, how could they share love with us?

But we do take things personally. The world then becomes an antagonistic place, where we unconsciously fear we will be judged for speaking up, or we will be taking up too much space or somehow upsetting the apple cart by giving voice to how we feel. But nothing could be further from the truth.

The universe moves towards greater expansion. We are called to be our fullest selves, the greatest expression of who we are and share our inner light with the world. In doing so, we need to overcome our "old stories", the limiting beliefs that we hold on to, out of fear that if we let them go, we will not be loved.

When we learn to take up our rightful space in the world, we find our power and life flows. When we keep ourselves small, hiding from life, from our selves, from our voice, our life becomes a mere shadow of who we are. In every given moment, there is an opportunity for balanced living. We get so hung up on trying to do things to please or dart from others, we lose ourselves.

Stage fright can be seen as a gift from our soul calling us back to wholeness. It is something that, in my opinion, should not generally be medically treated, but inwardly and psychologically explored. The proverbial skeletons in our closet are clamouring to come out to be shaken and dusted… and perhaps thrown into the trash bin. Time for spring cleaning of our psyche!

My suggestion is embrace the call to overcome stage fright, not by thinking of it as wrong or a problem, but a voice from your soul saying it needs more room to breathe. I believe that in each moment there is an opportunity for perfect balance. We can have the room we need, and give to others what is rightfully theirs. We can feel joyful, inspired, energized and relaxed. There is a flow that is an expression of our soul. It looks different for each one of us. Each one of us is the guardian of its care. Only we can bring it out of the shadow, love it, and give it the soul food it needs. Please consider stage fright as a call from your soul to shake off old thinking patterns and embrace taking up more space. Your soul needs it.

I will be posting again next Sunday on a new topic. Don't forget today is the last day to send in your questions to be answered next week. Please send yours to ask@parvatidevi.com

Enjoy the rest of the week,
Parvati

Ask Parvati 39: Overcoming Stage Fright and Performance Anxiety - Part 2: The Fear of Being Seen

Playing It Small And Hiding

We all had coping strategies when we were children. No matter how loving our parents were, they were not perfect. No one is perfect. Everyone on this planet casts a shadow and is also somehow growing and evolving. We may have hoped to find the perfect love from these imperfect beings. But how can we find absolute love from people who were also learning to love? In the process of growing up, we tended to make unconscious compromises to try to get the love we needed. Most of
us ended up with contractual relationships with family members as a means to find some stability amidst the whirl of issues, synergies, conflicts and personalities that make up every family life.

Ideally, our caregivers were open to receive us like the budding, young flowers we were. Yet, they too likely felt thwarted and unloved in their own way, perhaps feeling stressed to pay rent, alone to put food on the table, isolated in an dysfunctional marriage, or unhappy without the space they needed to deal with their own unresolved childhood issues amidst the work of childrearing. Whatever the situation was, often family life can be less than ideal for finding the unconditional love we hope to find. So we develop coping strategies.

Most children tend to be perceptive and creative. When we were young, we may have observed that by not speaking up, we added less stress to mom and dad's busy lives. We may have figured out that by not saying what we needed, we kept the peace, perhaps even avoiding being yelled at. So we concluded that to give voice to our needs created some discord, or in extreme cases, attack. In our early years, giving voice could have felt like a risky thing. So we learned to bury what we felt deep inside in the silence of our inner world and plow forward towards growing up.

As children, we discovered that hiding was a way to keep ourselves feeling safe and protected amidst a turbulent world. Our parents were our source of food and shelter. Our very survival was keyed into making that relationship work. Our coping strategies worked for a while. Perhaps in the world of our imagination, we could safely play in our room, or escape watching TV or run free playing at school or with our friends. But when we grew up to be independent adults, the silence we once hid behind started to become deafening.

We must move through the playing it small and hiding if we wish to fulfill our dreams and find the love we wish to find. Though, as adults, we have long since left our parents' home, we may still live with and react to them in our unconscious mind. In some sense, we carry them with us and see them wherever we go, until we face our deeper childhood fears and speak up and risk not being loved for who we are.

We bring our unconscious childhood fears into the boardroom or out on stage when we step up to the plate to share our work. We in essence do not see our colleagues in front of us as we start to present our work, but our childhood environment, be it sisters, brothers, or caregivers who we wanted to love us the way we needed. We do not see our boss evaluating our performance, but our mom or dad. We needed our parents' approval as children to survive, so we equate that need to survive with our performance today.

The thoughts and beliefs that exist in our unconscious drive our lives. So in effect, that compromised child is really the one who wears the business suit as we go off to our jobs, or who sits in the chair across from our spouse as we try to make sense of an argument, or who stands on the stage as we get up to perform. We will continue to allow this child to drive our lives until we make friends with her, let her know she can be who she is, that we will take care of her as she needs. As adults, we need to learn to embrace and befriend our whole self, care for and accept who we are so we may feel safe, relaxed and loved in this world.

(Continues tomorrow with "To Risk Speaking Up and Saying How You Feel")

Ask Parvati 36: Compromise, Acceptance and Getting the Love You Want - Part 4: Getting The Love You Want

GETTING THE LOVE YOU WANT

(Continued from Acceptance and Insight)

 

Intimate relationships can be complex. We say we want to find love, yet we are often attracted to people from whom we find it hard to get what we feel we need. Some psychotherapists suggest that unconsciously, we seek to fix the wounds of our childhood through our intimate partners. It is like we want our mummy or we want our daddy through them. In fact, certain theories suggest that our unseen wounds help us find our "perfect" match. The problem is, the person we find at first to be "perfect", turns out to re-enact the very pains we experienced as a child. One morning, we wake up to find that we are not in relationship with our ideal mate, but with a replica of our clingy mother or our aggressive father. Then we ask, how did we get here? Unhappy, we push against what we see and inadvertently move into power struggles, trying to fix the other person, who once seemed to fill us up just the way we needed. We think of breaking up and may even choose to do so. Or we choose silent resignation, because, unwilling to risk change, we sum up that this is just the way relationships are - tough.

 

We are told we cannot change the other person, but can only change ourselves. Then what are we to do when we find our partner is not who we thought them to be? Do we break up, time and time again, until we find the one perfect person, with whom we interact perfectly? In search for the ideal, life could soon feel like a never-ending chase for Mr. Perfect or Miss Right. So we ask ourselves, do we stay unhappy in power struggles or in silent resignation, saying this is just what couples do?

 

In the absence of what we feel we want from our significant other, we are offered a tremendous gift to find what we may truly need to become whole. We are offered something that does not exist outside of ourselves in another person, to touch something that comes uniquely from the infinite. We cannot find this perfection from another person, who is limited and not whole. We can find it through inner awakening, when we embrace the perfection of this moment, and reside in the expansive experience of being the very fabric of life itself: love.

 

"Okay," you say. "What does that mean? My partner still drives me crazy!"

I say, You are love.

You say, "But I don’t feel loved."

I say, How can you feel loved when you don’t experience yourself as love itself? How can something broken, truly feel whole? It is only in the receptivity to and the realization of wholeness that we can feel whole. One who feels he/she wants to be filled up, because he/she feels broken, will not be filled up, but will only find temporary fixes that soften the pain of separation from the One source of infinite love.

 

When we realize that what we think is love is not love but wanting, we start to find the love we always hoped to find. What we call love is often attachments to forms of emotional bartering. They are more like contractual arrangements to suit our limited ego perception of reality. As such, they are bound to leave us empty and wanting more.

 

When we don't find the love we want, we are called to remember that we are to return to the One, the permanent, undivided state with the source of life. When we don't find the love we want, we are called to remember that we are love. It is our attachment to illusion that makes us think anything else.

 

These illusions are part of psychological distortions we carry from previous incarnations. We then attract the perfect family to exacerbate our disconnected tendency, to help us see it, so we may release our attachment to it and return to love. As children, we were dependent on our imperfect parents for our needs. But they were not one with the pure source of love, so they were bound to err. We then take that personally as a sign that love is imperfect. So we seek to fix that in our intimate relationships, seeking a fix for a disconnected wound we have from childhood (and previous incarnations). This is why we unconsciously look for mummy or daddy in our partners, so we can fix that deep wound.

 

But ultimately, we come to see that mom and dad were imperfect and so are all humans. Our source of love cannot depend on others, because everyone is flawed. Everyone will let us down at some point or another, if we expect them to be perfect. We are imperfect. So are others. This is why we are called through intimate relationships to tap into the source of love we are, not try to "get love" from outside.

 

So at some point our "perfect" partner will not give us what we want and let us down. We could keep looking for someone who will. And maybe that next relationship would be good -- up until we face our own feeling of inner lack.

 

Relationships are not meant to bring us infinite happiness. Only we can give that to ourselves. They are not meant to give us all the love we need. Only we can tap into that ourselves. So then why be in a relationship?

 

We will look at that question in Getting the Love you Need in tomorrow's entry.

See you then,

Parvati

 

PS: Don't forget tomorrow is the last day to submit your question to be answered for next week's blog. Please send yours to ask@parvatidevi.com.

Ask Parvati 14: The Death of Niceties and Feisties

DEATH OF NICETIES AND FEISTIES

THE BIRTH OF FIERCE COMPASSION

Dear Parvati,

I notice that when I am around other people I tend to go into people pleasing at the expense of myself. I wonder what you have to say about that.

DIALING “THEM” DOWN, DIALING ME UP

BECOMING AUTHENTIC

One of the pivotal quotes that shaped my life growing up was from one of my favorite musical icons, David Bowie. He said something like the worst trick God could play is to make you mediocre. Internalizing my version of his message, my motto became through high school and university that I would rather be an A or an F student than a C student.

Living by that belief, I developed two distinct personality traits, a tendency to edit myself to people please with niceties or plow through things with a fiery feistiness. Both extremes were fueled by a drive for what I understood to be “perfection”. The tension that lay between these and the fervour I put into trying to be “perfectly A” or “perfectly F” eventually consumed my health and wellbeing.

By the end of high school and into my first year of university, I was exhausted and stressed because I was not being authentically myself. Though it took me completing university and facing the rest of my life to figure it out, I eventually realized that I had allowed other people’s voices, wishes and dreams to unconsciously run my life. My feistily polite drive for “perfection” was based on the fear that if I were myself, I would not be loved.

I share this because I believe the fear that to be oneself would lead to a lack of love is not unique to me, but is surprisingly very common, even rampant in the human psyche. In the process of trying to come to terms with which inner voices were mine and which were not, I discovered that my extreme personality traits were like healthy qualities on steroids. Through various illnesses and harsh life lessons, I learned to dial down the intensity of my attachment to an idea of perfection and redirect the root energy that was driving it into more life affirming expressions.

I discovered that within my drive for perfection were many strong qualities. From this, immense creativity, powerful zeal and an ability to harness raw momentum out of almost any situation soon became my allies. Drawing upon these qualities, I learned to redirect my drive for perfection towards protecting my inner voice rather than the voice of others.

(I am very fond of the approach of self-help author Debbie Ford, whose shadow work helps people profoundly transform their lives, not by trying to get rid of “bad” qualities, but by finding the gems, the hidden teachings, in all we have within.)

Learning to be true to myself has meant letting go of a lot of excess. I have had to look at letting go of a tendency to become entangled in what others think. I needed to look at my defensiveness, learning to let go of a general, ongoing feeling of being judged or attacked. I have had to watch the death of my niceties and my feisties so that I could find the courage to go within and fiercely honour my own unique rhythm and voice.

As I began to live a more soul-directed life, I realized that doing so was not really the norm. Looking back at the construct I had started to leave behind, I saw that though on the surface it seemed that society supported excellence, the pull to live in the status quo was stronger in the collective consciousness. It seemed most people were complacently satisfied with fitting in and being “normal”.

WHY BE NORMAL?

Midway through university, I started to wear a pin on my coat that asked the question: “Why be normal?” I meant it as a provocative and sincere question as to what normality really meant to the world at large and to anyone who noticed me wearing it.

What I came to realize is that there is nothing wrong with being an A, B, C, D or F student, if that is who you truly are. We each are unique expressions of a divine force and it is our job to discover what that is and express it in our life. The problem is, most of us go through life on autopilot, as though we are asleep, wondering why life feels like a bad dream, tending to react to our unconscious thoughts and desires rather than learning to live fully and authentically.

When we begin to wake up, we wake up to, as the mindfulness teacher Jon Kabat-Zinn says, “the full catastrophe” of our lives. We learn to see the depth of our reactivity, the ways we give our power away to people and things and how we place happiness in some elusive place or person outside ourselves. Deeper still, we learn to touch and be present for the silent voices that rage through our actions, like feeling fundamentally “I can’t” or “I am not loved”.

When we come upon these old, hidden places within us, we must learn to pause and befriend them, rather than run from them pretending they do not hurt. When we welcome our full self into our self, we access our fullest power. We learn to see that our dreams are completely feasible, and that we have all we need to realize them. We begin to see that our main obstacle has been our self (no one else) and the antagonistic way we have seen the world.

As I began to find my own answers as to “why be normal?”, I started to follow an impulse, a powerful yet quiet force that lay waiting behind my conscious thoughts. It was within me and made no logical sense. But did it matter? I felt alive. I felt open. I felt connected. And in so doing, I was a better, fuller, more inspired, helpful and loving person.

In learning to find our unique rhythms, we need to try things out. I went through a phase of sporting short, electric purple hair with fluorescent blue eyebrows. My regular dress was multi-coloured body paint hidden mysteriously under a wardrobe of solid black. Only after a phase of leopard skin, tutus and combat boots, followed by a love affair with haute couture, did I reveal my joy of full colour. That was when I got rid of everything black.

When I was living in New York City, I went through a phase where everywhere I went, I carried a rubber goldfish in the palm of my hand, that I called “Fishy”. There was no sense in it. It was my own whimsical performance-art piece. The jelly-like goldfish was my friend, so it went where I went. People got use to it and accepted it. It was funny. It made people pause, do a double take and laugh. I loved that pause. I loved the space it gave because it allowed for more authentic connections as we stepped out of “normal”.

A friend of mine from New York, Kelly Cutrone, has a recent book called Normal Gets You Nowhere that shares her own brand of self-love. She believes normalcy inhibits the unique gifts everyone can offer the world and doesn't necessarily bring happiness. I agree with Kelly that when we are true to who we are, it's easier to be honest, it's easier to be compassionate, and the world is a much better place.

FIERCE COURAGE AND COMPASSION

Being true to who we are is an ongoing process as we meet each moment of our lives. It is not a final destination point but a ripening as we get to know ourselves more fully. We all are works in progress, letting go of excess, reclaiming what we lost, discovering the new and rediscovering the forgotten.

It requires a fierce courage to be oneself. “Fierce courage” to me does not mean acting like a bully or railroading people. (If that is naturally who you are, then ok - but I would doubt it to be so. Most bullies are people who are deeply afraid.) We need fierce courage because there is momentum to normalcy, there is social momentum to staying asleep and not awakening one’s true nature. In effect, there is no “normal”. There is either “asleep” or “awake”, to varying degrees.

When we begin to honour our true nature, we shed light for others to do the same. But not everyone is ready for such honesty, nor does everyone want it. Connecting to our inner fierceness keeps us honest, instinctual, and in alignment with nature. Tapping into courage helps us move towards greater expansion. Developing compassion helps us understand the tendency to want to remain asleep. Because that tendency exists within us all, we can see ourselves in others. However, in this moment, we choose to live awake.

When we are naturally who we are, we align our energies with the force of nature, a most potent force. It does not apologize for who it is. It does not sheepishly try to be something else. It does not look for approval. It simply is.

The flower does not question that it is a flower, nor does the lion question its nature. The flower quietly reflects beauty. The lion will tear off your head if you get too close. The flower does not question if it is too beautiful, nor does the lion struggle with guilt, doubt and self-reproach due to the force of its claws. If the lion pretended to be a mouse, the lion would be unhappy. If the flower were crushed by concrete, it could not grow. We must be who we are.

Driven by the ego that knows only fear and disconnect, our minds tend to seek control and manipulate reality to suit our core beliefs. In turn, we create complexity in the moment, in which we become entangled. By becoming mentally convoluted, we lose touch with the force of our innate intelligence that arises from deep within through our connection with nature.

If your joy is singing, then sing. If your joy is being a lawyer, then love it. If you want to sit and read a book, then lap it up. If you need to tell someone how you feel, then let that person know. And do it completely, with every ounce of your being. Whatever it is, if you crush that connection with nature, your connection to who you are, everyone loses. When you honour it, everyone wins.

If there is truth in my desire to be either an A or an F student, it is that neither being driven by wanting to be “nice” nor by being overly “feisty” was right for me. Both were a form of pushing or pulling at life, rather than riding the river I am. Each one of us has to find that flow, our own unique expression of the life force that moves within us. Groundbreaking modern dancer and choreographer Martha Graham provides an inspiring quote to illustrate this: “There is a vitality, a life-force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action. Because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. If you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and be lost.”

We often mistake compassion for sentimentality and love for sweetness. Love to me is fierce, an unbridled force that defies reason. It is the force that says, “I am that I am.” Compassion is an expression of that force through action. It calls us to serve through love for being here, for being part of it all.

When we don’t say what we need or share who we are, we are living in fear and, in effect, we waste our lives and everyone else’s time. This life is short. The perils are many. We need to sharpen our inner clarity to see who we are and connect to our unique inner light so that we may shine as beacons in the world.

Many people won’t get it. Many people will. Either way, it doesn’t matter. What matters most is that you feel alive, plugged in and real. In tapping into such rooted, vital expansiveness, you send a message to the universe of possibility, of interconnection, of “yes” to life. Without any aggression or warrior rage, you have created a radical revolution – by being exactly who you are. 

Today, and every day, I celebrate you.

Parvati