Ask Parvati 35: The Gift in Gossip - Part 4: Discernment

DISCERNMENT

(Continued from Gossip Hurts)

 

You ask, "Is there a way to know when someone is truly practicing satya or they just talk a good game?" We need to learn discernment along the spiritual path.

 

I originally wrote the text below for my Seeing Past the Shimmer blog entry, but feel it applies here too, so I share it with some slight modification:

I believe we are all a lot more alike than different. I would say that the light you see in your friend is a reflection of the light you see in yourself. Conversely, the shadow you sense in him/her is a reflection of your own discomfort with your own inner shadow.

Whether you are acquaintances or are best of friends, whether you hang out every day for the rest of your life or never see the person again, is secondary to the opportunity to grow from any encounter and deepen your own spiritual awareness. I would see this person as a gift from the universe for you to learn greater discernment, practice tuning into what you are feeling in the moment and act in a way that honours your inner voice.

 

Next time you are around a person and you question their sincerity, ask yourself:

• Do I feel expansive now? If not, how come? If yes, how come?
• Do I feel safe now? If not, how come? If yes, how come?
• What wonderful qualities do I see in this person? How are these aspects of myself?
• What can I not stand in this person? How are those aspects of myself?
• Can I allow myself to just be, and watch this person/situation as he/she/it is, without reacting?
• Does it feel rooted, vital and expansive for me to stay with this person now? If yes, stay. If no, go.

 

As a tool to learn discernment and develop compassion, I mention above to ask yourself in the moment if it feels rooted, vital and expansive to stay with that person or move along. This question is a powerful litmus test to see if the "good game player" side in you (in your words) is in fact masking your own shadow, as you hang out with someone who may be doing the same.

 

If it does feel rooted, vital and expansive to stay, then do so and fully relax and meet the moment in all its wonder. If it does not feel rooted, vital and expansive to stay and you choose to stay, then you too would be playing a "good game" by remaining. It is far more honest and compassionate to all involved (which includes you!) to kindly choose to interact no longer, wish the other well, and move on.

 

The gift here is in the power to discern what feels expansive and supportive for you and learning to accept both yourself and others exactly where you each are at. We don’t need to hang out with everyone, but I believe we are called to learn to love everyone, equally. By “love” I don’t mean a sentimental attachment, but a commitment to be real, honest, open, humble and courageous in this moment. By “love” I mean developing the state of witness consciousness, to see all of life… the beautiful, the painful, the glorious, the ugly… unfold as it is.

 

Love is like a flower that blooms in the fertile soil of self-love. As we learn to love ourselves exactly as we are, we become able to love others as they are by seeing through appearances and being present for what is, without judgment, attachment, fear, guilt or trying to change the outside world to suit our needs. In every moment we have the choice to embrace our evolution or resist it in some way. By rooting our actions in self-love, by practicing discernment through non-attachment, we can learn to cultivate timeless love and see beyond temporal, manufactured sparkles into eternal, expansive light.

 

WIshing you much joy on your continued path.

My next post will be on Sunday.

Be well until then,

Parvati

 

PS: Please send in your questions for this Sunday's post to ask@parvatidevi.com. Thanks in advance!

Ask Parvati 35: The Gift in Gossip - Part 2: Cultivating Compassion

CULTIVATING COMPASSION: WE ALL SIN

(Continued from Honesty and Truthfulness)

 

You ask, "How do we practice satya when we encounter gossip - particularly if the gossip is taking place among people we respect, or even among people who claim to be practicing yogis?"

 

I finally saw the 1982 movie Gandhi last night. It was incredible. I was impressed by one of the things that the character Gandhi said in this regard. He said he could not act violently against anyone who was acting unrighteously, because he too had faults. Instead, he chose to humbly stand up to what he felt was right through an active resistance to partaking in that which was unrighteous. Very importantly, standing up to unrighteousness started within his own self. He held himself up to the same standards that he inspired the world to live by.

 

All of us, unless you are a fully realized being, have vasanas (negative tendencies). No one is "free from sin", so to speak. No one has the right to judge or criticize anyone, because likely they too likely possess the very traits (to some degree or another) that they tend to criticize.

 

As I said last week, to me, the foundation of yoga practice is humility. Spiritual evolution seems to start there. Through humility, we become receptive to that which is much greater than our ego; and we can allow ourselves to be guided by it.

 

No one is perfect. Part of our journey as an aspiring yogi is to understand that and practice compassion. Do you have a tendency to gossip? Yes, likely you do. Does your yoga teacher? Yes, likely they do too. So does everyone who is not realized. We all have that tendency. The difference between an aspiring yogi and one who is still completely unawake is the willingness to work that vasana muscle.

 

With regards to your ashtanga teacher, you can do a few things:

 

- You can choose to simply watch your teacher's tendency to gossip and understand that it is a mirror providing you with an opportunity to practice the release of your own tendency to do so.

- Upon this understanding and from the vantage point of interconnection (not from a place of judgment or self-righteousness), you can quietly speak with your teacher about how you feel uncomfortable about that tendency and ask for more information as to why he/she tends to do that. It is often through the understanding of tendencies, finding out the story behind the action, that we can quickly develop compassion for others' habits. As Longfellow said: "If we could read the secret history of our enemies, we should find in each man's life sorrow and suffering enough to disarm all hostility." Through understanding, we build compassion.

- You can learn these lessons within yourself and move to find another teacher.

 

Remember that whatever you choose, it is likely that you will need to continue to practice satya yourself. Be humble enough to see that there is no one perfect and, as such, you have a million opportunities a day to let go of your own negative tendencies (vasanas) and practice compassion for all the ignorance and suffering you see within and around you.

 

Tomorrow, we will look a bit more at gossip and how it hurts in Gossip Hurts.

See you then,

Parvati

Ask Parvati 35: The Gift in Gossip - Part 1: Honesty and Truthfulness

THE GIFT IN GOSSIP

 

Dear Parvati,

I used to practice ashtanga yoga, which is supposed to emphasize correct behaviour (yamas and niyamas) as well as asana. I found myself very disillusioned with my teachers when they did and said things that were not in line with satya, one of the five yamas. That may be part of why I no longer practice that style. What is satya to you? Is there a way to know when someone is truly practicing satya or they just talk a good game? How do we practice satya when we encounter gossip - particularly if the gossip is taking place among people we respect, or even among people who claim to be practicing yogis?

 

 

HONESTY AND TRUTHFULNESS

 

Thank you for this week's question. For those who do not know, "satya" is a Sanskrit word that means "truth", "honesty", "correct" or "righteous". In Buddhism, the term "satya" means "right" in terms of the Noble Eight-Fold Path, such as Satya Vishwas (right belief) or Satya Karma (right action). The Buddha's Four Noble Truths are also known as "Arya satya". In Hinduism, satya is part of the Yamas, one of the eight stages along the yogic path, as described in the great sage Patanjali's Yoga Sutras.

 

Chapter 2, verse 36 in Patanjali's classic text says, “When one is firmly established in speaking truth, the fruits of action become subservient to him." When we are honest, we release our ego, which can only try to make things the way it wants them to be, rather than open to the way they are. When we align ourselves with that which is true, we let go of excess, we flow with the energy of life with greater ease, we return to the One. When we are absolutely honest with ourselves, our lives flower into the fullness of who we are. When we are honest with others, our lives flow in righteous action, in support of divine will. The fruits of action becomes subservient to him.

 

Being honest and living a truthful life are interconnected. Honesty applies to speech, thoughts and actions. When we live in a disconnected state, we may do things that are not in alignment with what we say we will do or what we know in our heart and soul is correct. Closing that gap so that we say what we do, we live in harmony with our heart and soul is to live in stay.

 

Living a truthful life is a choice. When we do so, we move consciousness towards the divine. Our human, ego-driven tendency is to say and do things that embellish, diminish, eliminate or omit, for the sake of our sense of divided self. But the divine sees all, regardless of our ego's creative antics. A life based on satya, is a righteous life, directed towards and in service to the divine.

 

Honesty is something we must cultivate, which is why it is a stage upon the spiritual path. Have you ever tried to be completely honest all the time? It is no easy feat.

 

Now think of your teacher (or someone else) who you say is not living in satya because he or she gossips. Though that person may be a spiritual aspirant, it is unlikely that he or she has mastered satya. Likely, her or she is in process with this profound spiritual quality.

 

Think back to how hard it is for you to live a life rooted in satya. It is a very big thing. So practice patience as you cultivate your own life of satya. Make the resolve to be honest all the time, even for one day. See how that goes.

 

SATYA IN CLASSICAL TEXTS

 

Satya is part of the eight stages of spiritual development as described in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. First, one practices the yamas, codes of conduct such as non-violence, truthfulness, not taking that which is not yours, faithfulness, patience, steadfastness, compassion, honesty, moderate consumption and purity in body, mind and speech. What follows are the niyamas, religious observances including remorse, contentment, charity, faith, worship, scriptural study, vows, recitation and chanting.

The yamas and niyamas form the foundation of a spiritual life. Upon this, an aspiring yogi practices asana to purify the body/mind through physical exercises, commonly known in the West as Hatha Yoga. Pranayama, breathing exercises geared to integrate the body/mind, is also practiced as a means of purification.

Ashtanga Yoga ("Asht" meaning eight in Sanskrti and "anga" meaning limb) is built upon the eight stages of spiritual development:

1. Yamas (moral codes)

2. Niyama (self-purification and study)

3. Asana (posture)

4. Pranayama (breath control)

5. Pratyahara (sense control)

6. Dharana (intention)

7. Dhyana (meditation)

8. Samadhi (absorbtion)

 

The Yamas and Niyamas are the foundation upon which we practice yoga. The first are the Yamas, codes of restraint. We learn to say "no" to make room for us to say "yes". The Yamas are ways we learn to self-regulate, purifying our relationship with the outer world. They are:

 

• 1. Ahimsa: non-violence
• 2. Satya: truthfulness
• 3. Asteya: non-stealing
• 4. Brahmacharya: non-excess
• 5. Aparigraha: non-possessiveness

 

The five Niyamas are observances that deal with our inner world. They are:

 

• 1. Shaucha: purity
• 2. Santosha: contentment
• 3. Tapah: self-discipline
• 4. Svadhyaya: self-study
• 5. Ishvara pranidhana: surrender

 

These ten points that make up the Yamas and Niyamas are the first two stages along the path of Ashtanga practice. Imagine… quite the commitment! Do they seem like a lot? Well, they kinda are! Could you fulfill them? Likely not. That is likely why your teacher is not "there" yet either. We may aspire to these, but it likely will take lifetimes to master them.

 

We will look more at the power of honesty and gossip tomorrow in Cultivating Compassion. See you then.

 

Parvati