The Gift in Adversity

THE GIFT IN ADVERSITY

I just returned from being in England over the past few weeks. On a professional level, it was an excellent, full on time performing and teaching, moving my projects forward, meeting great people and finding out more about the world and myself. But what I learned was beyond all of this.

The day after my first show at the Mind Body Spirit Festival in London, I developed severe laryngitis. This may seem like a tragedy for one who uses her voice to perform and teach. But for one who has made a promise to the spiritual path, I know that the universe has an amazing way of keeping us honest and on path. Adversity is nothing other than a gift in disguise.

As I allowed myself to soften into the physical and emotional discomfort I felt having absolutely no voice, I found myself inundated with memories from what seemed to be a past life memory in London dying of consumption (tuberculosis). At that time, my lungs were full of fluid. I could not breathe, and I felt silent in my ability to voice feelings of powerlessness. In the present, what lingered was resentment of having died in a state of sorrow. So I welcomed these feelings as part of healing my laryngitis.

However, my memories did not stop there. As we toured through England, I was also reminded of another time in the UK when water filled my lungs. I had stones tied to my feet and was being drowned for my beliefs, likely when I was a healer, accused of being a witch. In that lifetime, I also died with water-filled lungs, with unspoken beliefs.

As my laryngitis moved into bronchitis, I had every opportunity to meet these emotions and send myself love and understanding so that I could deeply heal. In the bustle of the full on 18 hour a day schedule I had there, there was little room for formal sitting meditation practice, which I believe if I had had, I would not have fallen ill. I needed the inner space to process what was arising. Release through my body was the only way it could be expressed, due to my busy-body schedule. 

Being in England with fever and illness was an opportunity for me to forgive and let go at a deep, soul level. In the present, my business meetings were fruitful, people supportive, shows and workshops excellent (one was even sold out) and products sold. Spiritually, I was being asked to come more fully into the present. The fears I carried from those past experiences were colouring the here and now.

As I walked through the British streets, rode the London tube, watched the people come and go, I consciously had to remind myself it was 2013 and I was physically free and breathing freely and had the freedom to say what and how I felt.

I understand time to be like Russian dolls, each moment inside the other, not linear like we think time to be. There is no past or future, but an eternal now in which all unfolds simultaneously.

Whatever arises for us in the moment, as we practice mindful awareness, is exactly where we need to be. For me, it was in healing the past to be fully present and allow myself to grieve and heal.

Who knows what my next trip to the UK will bring. For that matter, who knows what the next moment will bring. That does not matter. I feel grateful for the opportunities I did experience and am open to what unfolds.

May we each have the courage in each moment to meet it as it is, without reservation, without judgment so that we may shine the eternal light we truly are.

Enjoy each moment,

Parvati

Ask Parvati 37: Feeling Under Attack - Part 4: Giving Voice and Making Changes

(Continued from "Understanding and Compassion")

 

I woke up this morning with the words in my head: "Illness and injury are a call for needed change."  I have been going through some big personal changes this year, and clearly this was a voice from my soul reminding me to keep on that path of transformation.

 

We don't need to experience painful situations in order to grow, but often, we do end up going there. When we get colds, we know we need to slow down and take better care of ourselves. The same with physical accidents. But so too with personal injury.

 

When we face difficult people, it is important to not take another's state of mind personally. We have no control over what others think or do, or how they behave. All we can do is let people know how we feel and ask kindly for them to stop if what they are doing is hurting us.

 

But if healthy dialogue is not possible and changes do not happen, we may need to look at deeper changes we may need to make in our life.

 

Perhaps, when we face challenging people and situations, we are reminded to make changes in our life. Perhaps the toxic supervisor reminds us that we really don't like the work we are doing anyway and we had best move on from there. Perhaps the nasty boss is helping to push us out the door because really, that is where we belong, in another job. The universe has a way of making sure we learn our lessons.

 

Changing deep patterns in our self and in our life is not easy, because we tend to be attached to things and often live in fear. We need to learn to be ok with these shadow aspects of ourselves, and make sure we do not add insult to injury by beating ourselves up for not knowing better or doing better. I mentioned last week that change begins with acceptance. We need to accept where we are at so that we can change. We can accept the hurt, the discomfort, the rage, the desire to run towards and beat someone up or run away in fear for our lives. These are all part of the fullness of the human experience. When we watch and "stay with" the emotional flux, eventually they settle and greater wisdom arises.

 

When we are injured emotionally or physically by a difficult person, we may need to ask ourselves what is balanced action in response to this. The answer to this question will only arise once our reactive nature has settled. And with this, time is a great healer.

 

We may need to give voice and let the other person know that we found what they did hurtful. But if we are attached to the other person hearing us, or changing, inevitably we will get caught up in the the same rage-filled cycle of feeling hard done by.

 

Others don't like to change any more than you do, so expecting them to see your point of view may only lead to frustration. If they do, then you can discuss ways to work together in good spirit. If they don't, you may need to consider a different work environment.

 

Our lives are very short. I don't believe we are meant to be unhappy. If you find yourself in a work or living environment with people who are unwilling to treat you with the respect you deserve, you may need to change your whereabouts, relationships, or job.

 

Change is part of life. All things in nature come, go and are reborn. We must not be afraid of change as it is quite literally natural. We can understand our resistance to change and where it comes from. But we must ultimately soften and embrace change.

 

Thank you for sending in this question about dealing with feeling attacked.

Enjoy the rest of the week and see you again on Sunday!

Parvati

 

Reminder: Tomorrow is the last day to send in your questions for next week's blog entries. Please send to ask@parvatidevi.com.

Ask Parvati 29: Art As Soul Food

ART AS SOUL FOOD

Dear Parvati,
I have been thinking about creative expression and how not all expressions are expansive. I recently had a pop song stuck in my head (Adele's "Someone Like You"), and realized that the song is just glorifying the idea, amplifying the energy, of remaining stuck holding on to something instead of moving on with life. Then, last week I was in a shoe store and I heard Lady Gaga's "Alejandro", and while it was catchy, I also felt a strong sense of unease in my body at being exposed to these sounds, and was deeply relieved to get out of there. There are other artists whose music makes me feel good, like Eva Cassidy or Chicane. Your music feels really good and nourishing to me. Some classical music feels good, but not all. Good energy doesn't seem to be tied to the genre of music or even to the words (there are songs with apparently positive messages that feel deeply uncomfortable for me). So how do we know when a work of art of any kind is nourishing our spirit? How do we know when engaging with a song or other work is taking us off path? And how do we know when our creative impulses are in service to the highest good?

PART 1: PERSONAL PERCEPTION AND THE UNIVERSAL

Thank you for sending in this question. Art and creativity are very close to my heart, as you know.

Creativity ultimately is a personal thing. We each have unique taste. We will respond differently to various artistic expressions. Some will feel boosted while others deflated by the same work of art. So are there any universal themes that tie artistry together?

No one song, composition, opera, symphony or concerto will make everyone feel the same way. If there are a thousand people in a room at a gig, there will be a thousand opinions about the music. That is part of human nature. We all perceive differently.

But deeper than perception, musicology and music therapy show us that certain sounds can cause a universal response. For example, minor musical keys tend to feel somber as compared to a major key. Chords that feel more open, such as a major seventh or eleventh chord, will feel more expansive, whereas a major triad will provide a sense of strength and stability. These are the colours that a composer has to use as he/she paints a sonic landscape. His/her specific collection of sounds that expand versus sounds that constrict creates the unique artist expression of that composition.

The same is true for dancers. Certain physical expressions will emit the emotion of hope where as others will communicate despair. Bringing the various emotional expressions into a choreographed piece will communicate the overall message of the artist. And the same would follow for painters, filmmakers, writers etc.

Beyond this more analytic approach to art, if we are going to look at how art nourishes the spirit, we need to explore the power of intention and consciousness and what those do to the creative process. For example, what makes the same singer have different recordings of a song and one makes your spine tingle and the other one leaves you flat? We could say great pitch, tone, etc… We could say that the unheard but sensed overtones varied based on the particular performance and that affected how we felt about it. Maybe there was a certain “je ne sais quoi” in the performance that contributed to a presence in the voice that just felt right, even if it was not technically perfect.

A singer can sing a supposedly happy song in a melancholic way by changing the inflexion of his/her voice or by adapting the speed and tone used. Depending on the state of consciousness at the time of creation, a piece with happy lyrics can come across as manipulative or insincere.

Emotional presence and the state of mind are communicated in the work of art. On this, we likely could all agree. What about the intention that the artist has to create? Does that affect the artistic work? How does intention affect the audience when the art is delivered? Does it change the way we experience art?

(Continued tomorrow with The Power of Intention)

 

Ask Parvati 23: The Voice - To Speak Or Be Silent? Part 5: When To Voice, When To Be Silent

PART 5: WHEN TO VOICE, WHEN TO BE SILENT

(Continued from Part 4: Gauge The Stage)

Every day of our lives, we are faced with many choices, whether to flee or to face, whether to voice or to remain silent. There is no quick and easy answer as to how to find our right voice. We learn that to voice is an unfolding process.

Giving voice is central to my spiritual path and a root reason for my personal being. So my life feels like one big experiment in voicing. As with all experiments, we find great teachers, we go through the ups and downs of trial and error where hindsight becomes a powerful ally.

Finding our vocal power is connected to finding our authentic expression and our place in the world. As such, it is part of growing, maturing, becoming wise. There have been times that I have given voice when in hindsight, it would have been wiser for me to remain quiet. And the opposite has also been true, when silence weakened me and I allowed it to hold me imprisoned.

But there are few times that I regret what I have chosen to do, whether I chose to speak up or to remain quiet. I don’t believe regret brings us anything other than backward thinking. Rather than looking at life in the here and now, by living with regret we miss the present. Eclipsed by our past, we gaze at life through a rear-view mirror. Sincere remorse is different from regret. If remorse helps us to humbly learn and grow, regret keeps us stuck in the past.

In the process or learning to give voice, we will stumble and fall. We risk appearing silly and feeling hurt when we "put our self out there" in any way. The greater the perceived risk, the greater the perceived fall. But when challenging the fear of falling, I have found that there never was anything to fall from in the first place.

What other people think of us does not matter. At the end of our life, when our bodies turn to dust, it will be our own choices that we will have to face. We will be left with questions like, “Did I love well? Did I live fully?” My sense is, when we are standing at death’s door, the times we held ourselves back in fear will seem as though we allowed a cloud to convince us that the sun does not exist.

As we learn to find the courage to speak our truth or be silent when we feel inwardly called to be, we need to learn to manage the part of us that does not want to grow. The part of us that wants status quo is going to create all sorts of reasons why not to be true to who we are. It will say, “Stay small. Hide. Don't do it. I may get hurt.”

Someone whose approval we wanted may laugh and ridicule us. We may feel embarrassed. We may judge ourselves as being stupid for what we feel and the desire to express. But I can guarantee that it hurts way more to not do what we need to do and say what we need to say, and remain frozen in fear. (I enjoy John Mayer’s song about this, "Say What You Need To Say".)

When we feel we must, we must. In hindsight, we may regret it, but we will not know until we try. And if we are humble and wiling to learn, there is no better teaching than life itself. By trying, we will know for next time what works best for us and we will learn to better attune ourselves to our inner voice and our natural, authentic expression of it.

So when is it the right time to speak up and when is it the right time to be silent? Ultimately, only you will know. But there are keys signs from our body/being when we are authentically aligned with our highest good.

When you feel rooted, vital and expansive speaking, speak. When you feel rooted, vital and expansive being silent, be silent. But then, you may ask, how do I know if I feel rooted, vital and expansive? This will only come after practice.

I sometimes imagine myself in the future after either having spoken up or remained quiet. How would I feel? Would I regret not speaking, if I chose to remain silent, or would I feel peaceful and warmly joyful? Would I feel remorse if I did speak up or would I feel free, vibrant and relaxed? Then go with the choice that brings you the greatest amount of rooted, vital expansion.

You can do this imagined testing when you are undecided in the moment. Rooting comes from the contact your feet have with the ground, how your energy travels down your spine. Vitality comes from an arising, once you are rooted, feeling an uplifting movement travel through your spine. Expansion happens when rooted and vital, so that there is a feeling of openness, surrender, receptivity to this moment. When feeling rooted, vital and expansive, there is a feeling of balanced rightness, neither too high and light, nor too heavy and stuck; neither too quiet nor too loud, but just right, perfectly you, in balance with who you are.

Enjoy being you. You are unique and the only expression of you in all of time. Ultimately, I believe there is no real right or wrong, only an honouring and aligning yourself with your truest self, or living in fear and for other people’s dreams of who they feel you should be. The choice of your voice is totally up to you.

Jai Ma!

Parvati

 

Ask Parvati 23: The Voice - To Speak Or Be Silent? Part 4: Gauge The Stage

PART 4: GAUGE THE STAGE

(Continued from Part 3: Authentic Communication: From Goo to Grammar)

We are social, expressive beings. We need to connect. We need to touch, to laugh, to wiggle, to create as part of our inherent state of being. But finding out how to express in a way that helps make our message heard is a skill to be learned. How to express in way that is considerate yet not repressive is a point of contemplation. To express with trust, care, honesty and clarity is something most of us need to learn.

How many people give an honest reply when greeted with “Hello, how are you?” Our quip response is usually “fine” or “not too bad”. But what if we replied honestly, openly? Generally when one asks, one is not asking for an in-depth dissertation on how we are doing. We must gauge the questioner’s intention by observing their vocal tone, their mood, their presence and answer accordingly. To answer honestly and be sensitive to the questioner’s intention is a skill we learn.

We have all met people who when you ask them how they are, they go on and on. We have also met those who, when we ask them how they are, we can just tell they are not being honest. In learning to speak authentically, we learn to neither withhold, nor outpour. We learn to find right balance, to express that which feels true to who we are and respectful of others. We also learn to find a rightful place, to feel relaxed in who we are, and welcomed within the whole.

(Concludes tomorrow with Part 5: When To Voice, When To Be Silent)

 

Ask Parvati 23: The Voice - To Speak Or Be Silent? Part 3: Authentic Communication, from Goo to Grammar

PART 3: AUTHENTIC COMMUNICATION: FROM GOO TO GRAMMAR

(Continued from Part 2: Sounding It Raw And Real)

Much of our developmental information happens in our wee, early years. Before the age of one, we have set up bio-dynamic patterns in our body and psyche that set the stage for our adult life. Before we are able to articulate words, we are sputtering, goo-ing and making all sorts of sounds. During infancy, our bodies are fresh, unencumbered by cerebral tensions. Expression as a means of feeling connected to the raw life force flows through us as toddlers.

As we grow, we learn to put things into sentences and form ideas. In that process, a filter is placed over our impulses as we learn to interact with others and socialize. We learn what we can do and what we must not do in order to get the support from our surrounding that we need to survive. Though we may grow up to be healthy, responsible citizens, we may have lost touch with our inner impulse, our soul voice, our connection to the primal force of “being” versus controlled thinking.

We may hear the phrase “to give voice” and immediately think of speaking. But words are only one part of our daily sonic communications. Clicks, pops, pursed lips, parted mouth, pouting lips, sighs, laughs, grunts, giggles... are all vocalizations we make as adults many times throughout each day that express how we are feeling. No matter how articulate we may be, our inner child still speaks through us in our mannerism and unconscious sound making.

I believe, the more we allow ourselves to deeply relax and subsequently open, the more we access our truest source of power, which is beyond our limited ego or will. I have found this to also be true in exploring the power of the voice. Not only do I find it so for singing, but so for expressing grounded, authentic communication.

Authentic communication is expressed through our whole being. Our mind becomes quiet and alert. Our heart is 'two-way open', that is, open to another and to our self. Our personality is in service to the impulses of our soul. Our soul is connected to the divine.

Connection to our soul voice, expressed through our body happens most easily when relaxed. When we are at ease, we tend to settle and root. When we root, just like all things in nature, we grow and arise. When we are rooted and vital, expansion happens. In an expansion experience, we are living a soul-directed moment. When our life is soul-directed, we are in alignment with our highest good, and the good of all beings.

EXERCISE 3:

Find a quiet place where you can lie on your back with your knees bent, feet flat on the ground. Begin to breathe naturally, deeply, but without forcing. Allow your body to relax.

Sense or visualize that your body is a tube that runs from the crown of your head to your feet. Once again, begin to yawn and sigh. Allow your whole being to open up. Do this for some time.

Then gently roll onto your side and press yourself up into standing. Do the same exercise standing, allowing yourself to relax, yawn and sigh.

Then shake out your feet, shoulders, arms, hands. Rub your hands over your face.

Open and close your mouth so that you give the muscles of your face a good stretch. Then take a deep breath and exhale so that you sputter your lips, keeping them gently closed, as though you are playing the trumpet, or as though you are making a motorboat sound with your mouth. Keeping your mouth closed, let your lips relax and your tongue soften.

Slowly open your mouth, feeling a relaxed jaw, mouth and tongue. Then gently start to make subtle sounds, like you do at the end of a yawn. Nothing dramatic. Nothing big. Just easy does it. Allow the sounds to flow out of you, effortlessly. The less effort, the better. Simple “ah” sounds. Simple “oo” sounds. Simple “oh” sounds. Try “ee” or “eh”. Easy does it.

Keep following those sounds without trying to making something of them. You are not singing, or even trying to make anything really. Just follow what is and allow an unfolding to occur. Allow the inner sounds in you to emerge. Witness. Enjoy. Be. Follow this for some time. Then release.

(Continued tomorrow with Part 4: Gauge the Stage)

 

Ask Parvati 23: The Voice - To Speak Or Be Silent? Part 2: Sounding It Raw And Real

PART 2: SOUNDING IT RAW AND REAL

(Continued from Part 1: Soul Confusion, Vocal Tension)

Think about how much our mouth alone moves during the day. Then think of all that is involved in making vocalized sounds: our pumping lungs and all that is involved in breathing; the opening and closing of our throat and all the mechanics in the mouth and through the vocal cords; the way we hear through the incredible world of the ear; and the way we feel and respond, our sense organs being like an immense woodwind instrument, responding to the winds of life that blow through us.

Singing for me is part of my spiritual path. I have said, since I was a child, that I felt most alive and connected when I sing. Through sound, I feel I touch something huge, beyond my active mind, beyond cerebral words.

I continue to explore, on my vocal journey, the extraordinary power of the voice that ranges from non-verbal expressions to melodic singing. For me, the process of giving voice is both humbling and powerful. But giving voice is by no means limited to singing, and making pretty sounds. The voice is capable of an extraordinary range of sounds from the guttural to the angelic.

As a therapeutic tool, the use of raw, unedited sound as a means of expression is a process that brings us quickly into the world of primal power and pre-verbal impulses. We tend to think verbally, yet sonic information does not only exist as words. Dancers know this experience when they feel an electrical impulse to express through their body.

In the same way, sound comes as a wave through our being that expresses the primordial. Sounding and freeform vocalizations can be a very powerful therapeutic tool to unlock experiences that get trapped by the desire to intellectually understand. Many people have had experience with years of psychotherapy, only to find that after a few sessions sounding, that they finally touch areas in their psyche they could not verbally access.

EXERCISE 2:

Find a quiet place where you can lie on your back with your knees bent, feet flat on the ground. Begin to breathe naturally, deeply, but without forcing. Allow your body to relax and your awareness to deepen.

Sense or visualize that your body is a tube that runs from the crown of your head to your feet. Then begin to yawn, and sigh. Allow your self opening up, letting go. Keep yawning and sighing.

Then gently start to make subtle sounds, like you do at the end of a yawn. Nothing dramatic. Nothing big. Just easy does it. Allow the sounds to flow out of you, effortlessly. The less effort, the better.

Keep following those sounds without trying to make something of them. You are not singing, or even trying to make sounds. Sometimes, there may be no sound with the exhale. There may be just be breath. Focus your awareness inward and allow sound to arise. See what comes. Make room for the inner sounds to emerge, without judgment. Follow this exploration for some time. Keep your mouth, jaw and face easy and relaxed. When you have had enough, simply return to your normal breathing pattern and release the exercise. Take a few minutes to notice how you feel.

(Continued tomorrow with Part 3: Authentic Communication: From Goo to Grammar)

 

Ask Parvati 23: The Voice - To Speak Or Be Silent? Part 1: Soul Confusion, Vocal Tension

THE VOICE: TO SPEAK OR BE SILENT?

Dear Parvati,

I am having difficulty knowing when to speak up or remain silent about what I feel. I experience this confusion with things that make me feel uncomfortable and with things that I like. I thought that perhaps you, as a singer, may have some insight about the voice and how to know when it is a good time to use it, or when it is best to keep quiet. Thanks.

PART 1: SOUL CONFUSION, VOCAL TENSION

"That" person is coming into the room! Your heart suddenly races. You feel pressure in your head. Your cheeks flush. Your mouth dries and your throat automatically tightens. You feel panicky, sweaty, weak-kneed. With your heart speeding, you feel short of breath. There is something you want to say. It is stuck, like a lump in your throat. You try to speak. Your mouth is wide open, but there is no sound. Suddenly, you wake up. This is just a nightmare.

Or is it? Some dreams reflect back to us aspects of ourselves that we dare not yet see. Many people dream of trying to speak only to find themselves feeling trapped and  unable to find the words or the means to express how they feel. Some people experience that kind of vocal constriction and hesitation more regularly, even when supposedly awake while moving through the day.

Finding our authentic voice can be challenging. Many of us were scolded when we were young and have lost touch with our natural impulses. Growing up, we perhaps heard phrases like “hold your tongue!” or “shut your mouth!” or “tighten your lip!” No wonder we develop vocal tension.

We perhaps were told to either be quiet when we were enjoying giving voice, or speak up when we were enjoying silence. Listening to conflicting signals, we end up unsure when to express or when to listen. If not careful, we end up out of touch with our internal compass and can feel trapped in indecision and fear of disapproval.

Whether or not you experience vocal confusion consciously, because of our cultural tendencies, most of us carry old-story tensions in our bodies. These tensions, incubated when we were children, we hold with us as adults until we pause to question their validity, place and source.

Withheld vocal expression and stress regarding speech and sound are commonly held in and around the mouth, lips, jaw, tongue, throat, chest, lungs, and shoulder area, though they can be held deeply in any place in the body and be the result of any emotional withholding, ranging from rage to bliss.

In order to unwind the tension, we must be willing to explore it. There is no better way to explore vocal tension than through the willingness to make sounds. When we were infants, our sounds were free and primal. As adults, we can become overly hung up on “nice”, “pretty”, “powerful”, “strong” and “correct”. A powerful way to release vocal tension is to be wiling to dive within to where we remember sound as being raw and real.

EXERCISE 1:

Find a quiet place where you can lie on your back with your knees bent, feet flat on the floor. Begin to breathe naturally, deeply, but without forcing. Allow your body to relax and your awareness to move inward.

Gently massage your jaw muscles that run from the ear, to under the cheek bone to the jaw bone. Then begin to yawn, and sigh. Allow your whole throat to open up. Feel your neck expand. Feel your spine lengthen. Feel your muscles release, not just in your face, head and neck, but through your whole body/being. Keep yawning and sighing.

Now stand. Do the same exercise standing. Allow yourself to relax, yawn and sigh.Then shake out your feet, shoulders, arms, hands. Rub your hands over your face.

Open and close your mouth so that you give the muscles of your face a good stretch. Then take a deep breath and exhale so that you sputter your lips, like you were playing the trumpet, or like you were making a motorboat sound with your mouth. Let your lips relax and your tongue soften.

Stick out your tongue and roar like a lion. Open your mouth wide and exhale. Let it out. Do this a few times until you have had enough. Shake it out and let it go.

(Continued tomorrow with Part 2: Sounding It Raw and Real)