From Resentment to Forgiveness - Part 1: Touching Painful Emotion

FROM RESENTMENT TO FORGIVENESS AND UNCONDITIONAL LOVE 

 

Happy Easter! 

 

At this time of year, as winter begins to thaw, we become aware of new beginnings, renewals, rebirths, and the return of life through spring. However, as the blanket of snow melts and disappears, we may not quite yet see the hope of budding new flowers. Usually we first see murky mud that was hidden just below our frozen sight. 

 

As spring energy moves through us, our bodies begin to crave more cleansing foods like bitter greens and salads. Our psyches too go through a cleanse. Spring energy invites us to see more clearly aspects of ourselves that were hidden from view.

 

As you may know if you have been reading my blog, I am an avid meditation practitioner. My daily practice is a time of insight and personal integration. It is a way I see deeper without attachment and let go of that which no longer serves. It is a sort of daily spring cleanse and renewal for my body and soul.

 

PART 1: TOUCHING PAINFUL EMOTIONS

 

This week, I touched some deeper parts of my psychological basement that I feel were brought to the light of spring so that they could undergo their own process of rebirth and renewal. What arose, as my mind grew quiet, was the awareness of a field of resentment that had been hiding from my sight. So I gently welcomed it, and went deeper into it. After my meditation practice, I wrote in my diary:

 

“Resentment is a choice that only hurts myself. It does not change the circumstances or the other person whom I may resent. It festers in me like an uncovered wound that swells with rot.”

 

During my practice, I was present for these emotions. I became aware of a painful incident in my life I had not yet fully integrated. The event had hurt my feelings. So through the process of meditation, I was able to go back to that scene and learn to see the event as it was, without narrative, without attachment, without judgment, and integrate the teachings it had for me all along. 

 

There is no doubt that in this incident, I had not been treated kindly. That was not the question that left me feeling resentful. Instead, I was left wondering what was I to do about the feelings of being hurt. I felt powerless and hard done by and that made me feel resentful. 

 

I will share next Sunday, in “Part 2: Unveiling Resentment: Seeing Clearly”, how I began to deal with these feelings.

 

Until then, consider some of the resentments you may carry. 

 

Have a great week and enjoy!

Parvati 

Ask Parvati 43: The Present Is The Present - Part 2: Turning Drama Into Fierce Discernment

(Continued from “The Bounty of Boundaries”)

Bill can be a bit of a drama queen. He too is sensitive, like Suzie, but in a different way. He can easily lose his sense of self with others, should someone say something that may trigger him into feeling that he is a bad person. It could be the simplest thing. But for him, it becomes big. He then allows himself to get taken over by the idea of being a bad person, to the point that his drama queen will act out to draw attention to himself, so he can feel temporarily better. But like any painful cycle, drama can become exhausting. So Bill has been courageously doing therapy to look into these self-destructive patterns.

Interestingly, Bill is an active devotee of the Hindu warrior goddess Kali. When faced with tricky, dark energies, Kali is never sucked in. Without a moment’s hesitation, She fiercely pulls out her sword, fully present for whatever is before Her. With razor sharp discernment that cuts through even the subtle complexities of Time and Karma, She severs any demonic ties and protects the evolution of light.

Bill could choose to feel a victim to life and use his drama queen tendencies to act out his pain. Or he could choose to see his tendencies as grace that supports his healing. Through his painful behaviour, he has a powerful opportunity. When he consciously chooses to access the fierce courage he sees in Kali and turn it to see the fullness of his own negative tendencies, he learns to discern and cut through the fog of trickiness with clear sight. Then, some kind of alchemy takes place. Using the same energy that usually ends in a blow-up, he instead turns that power to face the interference patterns that usually pull him into feeling less than he is. With that power, he can say an unequivocal “no” to destructive tendencies and an absolute “yes” to his own magnificence. No drama required, just beautiful life-force incarnate.

In Bill’s recovery process, even his destructive habits can be fertile soil in which a new discernment muscle can grow. Because of the painful pattern, he knows he needs to find another way. As he gains insight into the thoughts behind the outbursts, he is beginning to understand that if he allows himself to be swayed by the negative ideas and energies of others, he will fall down a dark hole into self-despair. In this dark drama habit, he has an opportunity to learn a powerful and hard-to-learn lesson on the spiritual path: "neti, neti" ("not this, not this"). By facing his tendencies, he strengthens his personal ability to discern which energies he will support, and which he will not. With mastery, like his chosen deity Kali, he will eventually learn to pull out his sword of discernment and cut off painful drama at the pass.

More tomorrow with “Gold Trapped In A Rock”